DS 18 not giving lifts

[Greatballsoffer]

So I can’t drive (& never will so to learn is not an option). My son 18 does I paid for all lessons & an inheritance paid for his nice car.
Does he give me lifts when I ask?? Does he heck!! I’m shocked & upset how he just says no I’m too tired, can’t be bothered or ask dad (who is working self employed locally) I’m getting very resentful & starting to do less for him!
Any suggestions or pearls of wisdom to help??

Why tip toe around him and put them in the middle?

Don't mess around go to him tonight and say you expect some small compensation for the instance. Either he agrees or it stops

I mean, I think you need to step back and let him be a moody teenager.

Have you mentioned to him that your expectation that he will give you a lift is based on the fact that you paid for his lessons and car? Unfortunately this will make what seemed like a kindly parental gift now look like a calculated move to get a free taxi service.... I'd be pissed off too. I wonder if he is now thinking he wishes he'd financed it himself... at least there would be no obligation attached.

I wonder if he is now thinking he wishes he'd financed it himself... at least there would be no obligation attached.

No reasonable adult DC should see it as 'an obligation' to help his mum out with a quick local lift once a month.

Seriouslly, what the hell is the matter with SO many people on this thread who have zero expectations of their 18 year olds? And again, if this was an 18 year old DD I am pretty certain that people wouldn't be advocating letting her be a moody teenager when she's asked to help out briefly.

I have expectations of all adults to be able to get themselves where they want to go without relying on other people.

I have expectations that all adults pay their own bills and don't hold their hands out while giving nothing in return

Why?

if you aren’t willing to have the conversation with him, as his parent, why should they?

to say this is the only time he has displayed this sort of behaviour, where he is being a bit selfish, I think you are going way over the top.

This is one of those threads that I would love to know what his Point of view is

@Greatballsoffer why not just talk to him? What are you afraid of? Asking others to talk to him, postponing until after exams etc. He is your child. A child ,that according to you wasn't too bad up until this issue. Just talk to him. Tell him you're hurt and that in a family you help each other out.

I will speak to him when the time is right & that'll be after exams in 3 weeks. I've already voiced my disappointment to him as has my dh so he does know.
There will be changes made about the house, giving him more responsibility.

As an epileptic who will never drive, you are being massively unreasonable. Your medical problems and inability to drive are not for him to remedy. You are not 'owed' lifts.

If he voluntarily offered, that's one thing. Or if you asked and he said yes, but that would be a 'thank you' moment not an 'I expect him to give me a lift' surely?

As an epileptic who will never drive, you are being massively unreasonable.

She really isn't. Have you even read her posts? In six months, he gave her four very local lifts and refused four more. To his mother. Who I'm huessing does pretty much everything for him.

The fact that she's unable to have the freedom that he does (freedom that, incidentally is due to her paying for his lessons and his insurance) should make him more solicitous and helpful, not less.

Does no-one in your family help each other? Because in most, family members care about each other, and within limits, try to help out.

Ffs, these replies!! My dd passed her test 6 months ago and she offers me, dh and ds lifts regularly. She pays for petrol and cleans the car.

Your ds is being ABSOLUTELY FUCKING RUDE. what an entitled cock! Especially when he knows you can't drive. Selfish git. I'd ask for the money back that you spent on lessons..

It's about making your children young carers when you don't have to. Why would you?

God I hate giving people lifts here there and everywhere, it imposes on my time.

He is part of the family and you would hope he would willingly want to help. My son is learning to drive and I have jokingly told him I expect payback for the hundreds of lifts I have given him in the past . If he is not busy I know he will help and that’s how it should be OP. I hope your son soon matures a bit . Could his dad speak to him about helping occasionally?

No it’s really not. it’s about expecting your children to start acting like grown ups and occasionally doing something to help other people - that’s how the world works- a life skill. Young caters?- a bit dramatic don’t you think?

I would tell him unless his attitude changes you'll stop paying his insurance and he'll have to SORN the car 🤷🏼‍♀️

So you're happy to call him a brat, agree with posters who call him a prick, you and your dh have already 'voiced your disappointment' in him, you plan to get your older children who ^never' would have done this to you to have a word with him about the lift giving... I'm actually feeling sorry for him!

I’d cancel the insurance, lazy, entitled little sod.

Why does he not have a part time
job to pay for his own insurance?
He sounds lazy and entitled, stop doing everything for him, he's not a child.
What is this I'll wait until after exams? will a conversation upset the wee darling? a man child husband in the making here OP.

Wow the nastiness towards an 18 year old who has, for he very first time, shown what might be a bit of selfish behaviour.

And the fact that’s it’s backed up by the Op suggests there must be something else at play.

I would bet most of the ‘selfish prick’ posters would be livid if someone said that about their own kids and would never have the same opinion if it was their own. Let’s not forget everyone is selfish at some point during their lives.

What do people get out of this?

He's not a taxi so get an actual taxi

Aw good luck with the chat.
i hope you tell him since hes not being part of the family re: his attitude, then as of next month youre not insuring his car-he needs to learn.
fyi any of my male teen friends who drove, always took their mum to tescos

Not everyone can safely ride a bike. My disabilities (and the reason why I don't drive) mean it's unsafe to ride a bike.

OP - I assume you've applied to your local council for a travel pass for disabled people? You're entitled to one if you're unable to drive for reasons other than drugs or alcohol.

In my house this wouldn’t be a big deal or a long conversation.

DS, if you want me to continue paying for your insurance and living in my house with all the benefits that come with it - food, gas and electricity, laundry etc, I expect you to give me a lift a few times a week to blah. If that’s not something you are willing to commit to, I’ll cancel your insurance policy and you can take over the payments, as well as housekeeping. Let me know.

It's not his responsibility to ferry you around, it's not your responsibility to pay for his insurance. Let him pay for his own insurance, and you can get a taxi with that money?