Help!!!! Father demanding access in Australia

[looneymum]

Hello. I am distraught. I am newly divorced and my ex is soon to emmigrate to Australia. I have two DDs aged 7 and 5. Me and my ex do no communicate other than e-mail. My girls are reluctant to see their father although I have provided him with generous access. His emmigration has been on the cards for some time and particularly the DD1 has said she does not wish to visit him when he goes. I have told her that she does not have to if she doesn't want to. I have now received an e-mail from him, saying I am to expect a solicitors letter and that I am to let the children visit. He says that we should work together to make them visit him. This is the horror of a father who has left us with nominal maintenance and who refused to carry on paying for the private schooling he insisted they have prior to him leaving me. I am beside myself. I have no more money to pay for solicitors to fight this monster and only want the best for my children. If they were happy to go I would support it but should I just ignore their wishes and make them go? xxxx

Don't let him have the passports under any circumstances. Be very careful!

If at all possible, please go and see a solicitor in order to formalise contact arrangements. From what you've said, he might well be planning to keep your girls once he has taken them over there.

You can contact the passport office to prevent any passports being issued for your DDs. You can also try to get a prohibited steps order. You can also contact the police. This sounds very worrying. Please be aware that once your DDs have left the UK, there may not be much you can do.

Hi everyone. Thanks for all your comments on the passports.

Well, the court papers have arrived!

The hearing date has not yet been listed but it is an application for contact with the children when tosser of ex moves to Aus.

So...... I'm off to court!

xxx

Looney -haven't read this thread for a while - just picked up on ex needing the dcs' passports or copies of - NO do not give him this. DO NOT.

Hope you're doing OK.

Hiya Giveitago. Hope all's well with you. Yep court papers, requests for passports and of course and new baby on the way in Aus... it never ends!

Have a good day.
x

Hang on, why is he requesting passports? Why on earth does he need them?
No, you can't book flights this far in advance and, although I recall listing passport details in an online booking site once, it was only an optional thing to save time at the airport.
This would make me very nervous. Just keep stalling and get advice asap as to what he could possibly be up to.

Hi Claim.

Indeed.... why does he need them?... I am very nervous. I have had the locks changed on the house as he still had keys and I was worried he might help himself to the passports. I hid them in so many places that I couldn't eventually remember where I had put them.... early onset dementia I think!

I was served with court papers re contact in Aus but no date has been listed yet.... that will be a nice treat when it arrives!

Perhaps it would be better for him to have to justify why he needs the passports in front of a judge!

Enjoy the slush!

It's no longer just optional to provide passport details in advance - but you generally only need the information a few days beforehand. And Australian tourist visas are processed pretty quickly, I think.

Hi Looneymum,

I really feel for you. Just to follow on from my first reply (an age ago now), I am now tooing an froing with my exH and solicitor regarding DD (4yrs) going to Canada for 4 weeks this summer (2010).

He too requested notarised copies of her passport and my Canadian lawyer said not to give them over at this time, so I would think your ex can definately wait for them if he's proposing a trip in 2011.

You might be interested to hear that the lawyer also said that 4 weeks was considered to be a long time for a child of that age to be away from the main caregiver. Also she said that access should be about the ex spending time with the child, so in my case exH said he would only get 2 weeks hol and lawyer suggested that 2 weeks should be max visit time.

Additionally she said a court would not support the child being taken out of school when access could occur during school holidays.

My situation is slightly different as exH has not spent time with DD since she was 2years old and has never been responsible for her without me being there. On the advise of lawyer I have suggested he visit her in the UK in her own environment before taking her on 2 week summer vacation before having her in Canada for xmas this year (as long as she is happy with the previous 2 visits). He is ignoring this and going for court to get the 4 weeks summer without visiting her first, bit hey ho these things are just sent to try

big hug, hope it works out for you all.x

Hi Everyone

Thanks so much for all your replies... again!

I am suprised to hear a few of us are going through this hell... I understand it is quite a rare situation for an emigrating ex to request such a long holiday visit from his kids. Certainly when I look on the internet, any advice is always for tge father who is losing contact when his ex emigrates with the children.

NKffffffffde3bfbeaX12623f and Pertbootwish. Massive hugs to you both and thx for sharing your situations. Please keep me posted of how it all goes for you both. I am afraid it all brings a tear to my eye.... we just want the best for our children.

I fully support he has continued contact for four weeks in 2011. How can he justify how he will look after them for all that time? His parents will be flown out with the girls but they could see them in the UK... surely it is quality time with him they should be having. I am so scared and cannot spend another penny on a solicitor.

Sheet ice here so another day off school and my boss has just rung to say don't risk the journey in!.... more baking and painting and perhaps a nice DVD with a few biscuits and hot chocolate later.

Have a good day.
xxx

Hello Ladies. A letter came today for my ex. It was from a debt agency.... he owes money.... and is emigrating.... ! Hope he settles before he goes and doesn't leave the debt against my address!

Give them his new address.

or his parents

The papers have been served..... the court case is next month..... he has lied on his application saying that I have made contact difficult in the last few month! The only time I have ever cancelled him seeing the DDs(in the two years since he left) was when my nanna died! He also says that I wont let them go to Aus... completely untrue!

HELP.... I just feel so trapped. What chance do I have against someone who lies on a court application.

xxx

Thx StewieGsMom. I know ... I know.... I just feel so out of control. It is so hard to focus on collating papers when I feel so distraught.

Thanks so much for posting. Everyone has been so supportive of my never ending thread!

xx

So Stewie. I am being a bit dense. What was the bit about his mother?

Do his parents speak or visit the dc, or more importantly have they in the last few months?

If they have been able to have contact with the dc then why would he not have been able to?

x-posts

Looney presumably most of the discussions about the contact in australia where via email which means you can print off the pages of discussion including your concerns and your agreement to a 2011 visit and post them to the court in advance as well as taking them with you on the day?

I wonder if he wants it signed sealed and delivered because once he's in Aus it will be very difficult to do anything about enforcing an informal agreement.

Mind you what will he be able to to do if you fail to allow the contact to take place? Report you to the courts who will rap your knuckles and ask you to behave next time?

Thanks Stewie and Hi Sleigh

In fact, ex's parents picked the DDs up just after christmas and drove them to ex's house.

The grandparents see the girls lots. Ex tends to facilitate. He takes the DDs to his parents house (at the moment five hours drive) and if it isn't a weekend then he returns to work, leaving the DDs with his parents. In fact, I cannot think of a time when he has actually looked after the DDs for longer than a weekend. I have answered e-mails from his mother when she has asked what the DDs would like for xmas.

The DDs have always had a strong relationship with his parents and I would intend this to continue although I have reservations about his parents making such a long journey with the girls. I am obviously worried for the DDs safety but must trust that they are capable of the drive if they are offering to undertake it. To date, they haven't ever driven the DDs from our house down to theirs (a good six hour round trip). Ex has arranged for this to happen in the Feb holiday....just before the court case... how convenient!

How does all this sound your honour?!!!

I think it's all show for his new partner!

Hi Sleigh. Yep. A sealed contact order is exactly what he wants. He has said that as I have been difficult with arrangements in the last few months (I haven't) then he needs the security of an order.

Just reading his court blub again, he says that they girls spend half the holidays with "him"... they don't tho... he drives them to his parents and he buggers off to work then picks the kids up and brings them back home. One of my major concerns during the visit to Aus is that he wont take the time of work to look after them.