I'm a really shit mommy and i cant snap out of it!

[ilovetochat]

dd is only 2 and I can't keep my cool with her and can't stop shouting at her and being nasty and i don't want to be like this as i love her so much and being a mom is what ive always wanted and im shit.
this morning i wanted to take her to baby gym which she loves and its the only class on as its school hols. we needed to leave at 9.40 so we were all ready when she decided she needs a wee. i sat her on the toilet..
dd "i need a wee"
me "have a wee and we can go"
dd "no" (raspberry)
me "do you need a wee"
dd "no"
me "lets get our shoes and go then"
dd "no i need a wee"
she was on and off the toilet laughing and blowing raspberries, i asked her if she wanted to go to gym and she said yes but then kept asking for a wee till 10.05.
i ended up shouting that she was silly and didnt deserve to go to gym and could stay in all day and be bored and i was fed up of her being silly and i went on and on at her. i just wanted to walk out the house and leave her to it as she drives me up the wall.
she then cried and asked for a cuddle and gym.
i took her to the gym and then park and we had a lovely morning out and she was good as gold and i told her i love her and how good she was being etc.
but everything i want her to do, even if its something nice like going to the park, ends up with me shouting her crying then eventually we go and have a great time.
what i am doing wrong?
Why cant i be patient with my own dd?
I feel like walking away and leaving dd and dp to it as they get on so well and im just shouting and being a bitch.

no its not that, if i asked dp to stay in any night he would and if i phone hime wherever he is he will come to me, i know as i have had to do it in the past and he is there no questions asked, so although he goes out i know we are his priority and he goes out for sport not drinking so its not too bad.
the 1% is personal, we got together in bad circumstances, it was wrong and still not resolved, but i have no regrets just guilt and worry for the future, but i am happy now and live for the moment.

every so often i get very sad and down about it.

i wont pry..if ever you want to talk about please do if it helps tho.

are you doing any more shopping for the hols or is that it now...if you need more bikinis you'll only find tops or bottoms as i did today.Swimwear season is definitely finished for this year. Funnily enuf i found a lovely pink polka dot bikini top in BHS but no bottoms. I got it anyway in case i can match it up from Decathlon sports wear next season...as long as i dont alter shape. Are you doing anything nice this weekend or are you saving the pennies for the hols?

thanks, sometimes i do need to talk about it but dont want the backlash.

i need to get dd a sunsuit and i could do with a bikini or 2 but dont know where to look. other than that we are sorted.
going to as dps dad to take us to the airport but if not will have to book a room with parking.
got to get euros, not sure how many we need.
got to organise dps birthday meal, got 20 definite yes so far, waiting to hear from 2 friends and then dps family.
and got wedding tomorrow and wedding end of month.
i will need a holiday.
this weekend dp is working tomorrow morning so i might take dd out and then the wedding, sunday nothing planned but maybe church and a walk somewhere.
what have you got planned?
thanks for being a lovely friend alypaly!!

well dd has fallen and banged her eyebrow on a wooden stool so she has a blue bruise by her eye for the wedding, she will be awake soon so got to get a quick pasta dinner and them get ready to go, yeah, painted by toenails purple but went clear on my fingernails as they are short.
been on ebay and got dd a sunsuit and got myself 2 bikinis, 1 is brown and cream, one is brown and light blue and all have tags on, just hope they all fit!
also phoned a lovely chinese for dps birthday meal and they are getting back to me and have got 24 definites now, waiting for replies off 9. just hope we get in somewhere.
we all went for a walk this morning and then i took dd to the park while dp went to work, he is due back within the hour so all is going well.
how are you today?
what would you wear over bikinis to walk to the beach/pool?

just wondered how you are doing, just read all your posts one here. I know exactly how you feel. I have always been very up and down too, not just since havng ds but all the time I can remember I have big highs and lows (never any big scary lows but just periods of the day or week where I feel sad and don't know why) I often find I am snappy and grumpy but usually take it out on dh rather than ds thank God, although it's not fair on dh either!

I find it very hard to dawdle with ds, I try to get places and he just farts about and whilst I know it's normal I find it boring and difficult to deal with. Every time we walk to the park I tell myself to be patient and enjoy him stopping at every leaf or lady bird he sees on the floor, but I find I find it hard to keep up my enthusiam. I feel guilty cos I don't shout at him but I do get snappy and hurry him along a lot which he hates and usually ends with him shouting at me!

Some days I love motherhood, other days I am so knackered and I wish I could enjoy him more. It's not even like he's particularly hard work anymore, it's just repetative and I should enjoy it and be more patient.

Anyway,a lot of it sounds all part of being a mum to a 2 year old but you are right, when he is 4, we will feel bloody awful for wishing the time away! You aren't alone!

hi meandjoe, i think i remember you from ages ago.
yes its the dawdling i struggle with. im not so bad out on walks etc as i dont have to get anywhere. its trying to get out anywhere, the last minute things you cant do earlier like get dd to the toilet, get her coat and shoes on, thats when she starts playing around running off talking about anything but getting ready.
even now we are getting ready to go to a party and dd wants to go as she has a "princess dress" and wants to dance but she is still running off and avoiding getting ready and wants to play with baby building blocks
i want to enjoy every day as i know i wont get them back!
i hope dd remembers the good stuff and not me shouitng/moaning/hurrying.

ilovetochat ...sounds like you are really busy....i love being busy ,it makes the time fly by.
sorry to hear about the black eye, is she ok...hope it goes for the wedding otherwise try some concealer if it shows up for the photos,she will love having make-up put on...lol!

Dp's meal sounds good ,does he know or is it a surprise. Is chinese your favorite, we love it and its our end of holiday ritual the night we come home.Actually sometimes its a curry,just get these cravings for tasty food when i am away as there are rarely any good authentic asian and chinese restaurants abroad. Do you like indian aswell.

For the beach/pool wear i bought some really flimsy semi see through multicoloured tops. Some have elasticated low neckline and elasticated drop waistline. so you can pull them low on your shoulders,and put a wide belt round the waist too. They are really thin, so weigh absolutely nothing. I know i am 53 but a have got 3 gorgeous ra ra skirts which look really nice with matching t shirts. I wear shorts and t shirts for pool and beach. Wraps dont seem to be fashionable any more,just on older women .I have a few but have not worn them for the last 2 or three years. What do you normally wear. People were wearing so many different things in Halkidiki from designer dresses to basically nothing. I dont really like to see people coming for breakfast in just their bikini tops{ maybe thats mme being a bit snobby} and I think the management frowned on ot alot too. what do you normally wear.

havent been abroard for 3 years but i used to put bikini on and then wear a dress or top and shorts/skirt over for breakfast. but i used to wear sarong type things down to beach/pool but i dont like them anymore and they dont go with my new bikinis.
the black and white dress i just wore to the wedding im going to take on holiday as its light but looks smart for evenings.
wedding went well but venue was small so ended up on a table in the bat next to the disco with all my family which was nice. no dancing though, apart from dd who twirled around in her dress till 10, then i changed her into pjs and bought her home to sleep.
had a good night and will see them all again in 2 weeks at the next wedding.
im shattered myself, might have an early night.

Hello, I know the chat has changed a bit since your original post but could i just mention a couple of things. I find the mornings impossible and am often short tempered, my son is not a morning person either. Throw in the fact that I have been knackered for 3 years and there can be a lot of fireoworks. We had a rough summer where he was really tempered and aggressive. 3 weeks ago we cut out apple juice and seriously limited and watered down organic orange juice and he is a different child! Also I have blocked off some time for myself twice a week and that has made a huge difference too.

i meant sarongs not wraps...i dont like them any more either..they look really dated now..I suppose i should throw mine out,but they are bound to come back in fashion again.
Wether i will wll wear them again is another thing as hey dont flatter the waistline unless you have an hour glass figure ( which you sound as tho you have) Im a weird shape M&S size 10 (sometimes tewlve on the bottom and size 12-14 on top) not that i have big boobs....just got a wide back...i suppose thro swimmimg and sport.
Glad the wedding went ok, sounds as tho u had a noisy table right next to the disco. I hate it when u cant talk if its too loud.

I wnet to bed early,DP stayed as he had to be up at 5 am with DS2 to go and do some survey work in Manchester. DS2 has been helping him out at weekends as he earns some good pocket money for himself. Without a 2nd person to guard the other half of the theodolite ,he cant do his work. The instrument is so expensive ,it needs a guard...DP has had it stolen once when he worked for the council. If he had it stolen again, there is no way we could afford 35K to replace it. Anyway DS2 enjoys his extra money...it will be nice on top of his ema for all the teenage extras and school trips

maj1, the problem in the morning i think is that i want dd to get ready but she isnt really bothered as she is happy in pjs. this morning i asked her to come and get ready, then i told her to come and get ready, then i counted to 3 or i would come and pick her up, all the time she is singing and ignoring me, so i had to go and pick her up plonk her down and hold her while i washed and dressed her. reason, we wanted to take her to the park and to feed the ducks, so you would think it would be in her interest to do as i ask but she doesnt. then we have the same asking, telling, grabbin over brushing teeth, brushing hair, getting shoes etc etc. it is exhausting and i have shouted lots before we get anywhere and she gets upset but why oh why does it have to get to that point every single day.
dd only drinks milk and water anyway, she had a fruit shoot last night as we were out and after half she was hyper so i took it away.
she eats cereal and fruit for breakfast, fruit for snack, sandwiches or toast for lunch, biscuit or yoghurt for snack, mostly healthy dinner and yoghurt for pudding so i dont think her diet is too bad.
but she is constantly on the go, she cannot stand still, she is always fidgeting, twiddling about, twirling, poking at something with her finger or foot, running madly about, she is an accident waiting to happen.

hi aly
had a great day, we took dd to a lovely park with play area, ducks, football fields and a golf course and she loved the freedom and made a few friends (wish i was 2yr old)
then while she slept dp and i did gardening, we are both shattered, then i took dd a walk while dp tidied up outside and came back and dp cooked a lovely chicken roast.
dd starts a new class tomorrow, early years acting and movement, i think she will love it!
my mom is away so ill miss seeing her this week. will have to go swimming with dd alone tuesday or wednesday.
because my mom was a single parent to me we were/are incredibly close and i know how hard she tried for me and she always put me first. i bet thats what its like for you and your boys isnt it?
hope youve had a good day.

meant to ask you, dd is teething her back molars and has been crying out in pain so i know they are bothering her, she has now got a fine rash all over her torso, not really visible, but i can feel raised tiny dimples all over and she is scratching like mad, there is no colour to the rash. ive tried sudocrem and aqueous cream and tonight resorted to calamine lotion left over from chicken pox but she is really itchy. do you think its the teething? she always suffers a lot with her teeth.i remember you saying you worked in a pharmacy.

hello again
Has she had a temperature with her teething?
If she is scratching it sounds like something has caused a slight allergic reaction. Has she been in the grass or has she been bitten by midges.
If there are lots of them it might be a virus brewing. Just keep your eye on her temperature in case it goes up.
If she is still itching tomorrow,get her some piriton liquid and give her 2.5mls three times a day ( follow the dosage on the bottle for her age)
it might make her slightly drowsy but it doesnt affect every child. She can take it with calpol-sugar free for the pain of her teeth.
hope she is ok soon
you have done the glass test on her havent you

thanks aly, the rash is all over not patchy, havent done the glass test as its not a red rash, no real spots or colour, just raised bumps almost like tiny goosebumps. she has been in the grass at the park. no temperature no. i will keep an eye on her tomorrow and may have to get piriton thanks.
just wondered if teething ever causes a rash?

she is sleeping fine after been coated in calamine.

im off to bed now, have you had a good weekend?

teething can cause a rash but its mainly on the face.
Sounds more viral to me or an allergy to something in the grass.
Some children are allergic to playing in some grasses...but it does sound more viral if its all over torso and not legs and arms. Without seeing it, it is really difficult to say for definite. Shame as dermatology used to be my specialty. hope the piriton syrup helps if you have to get it.
hope you all get a good nights sleep.hope nothing develops

You all sound really friendly on here, I just wanted to add a tip that I have to use to get my youngest ds ready in the morning. I have given up calling him to do something but if I ask him to 'come and look at this' and then show him a spider or a bird thats flown away, anything!! while hes looking I wash him, talk to him as hes getting dressed and bingo i've managed to con him again, i've done this for ages and it works for most things, getting him in the car with no fuss, I tell him we will count the ducks on the pond at the end of the road. Its nuts but It seems to work.
Calamine is awful stuff, can I reccomend eurex cream for itchy skin and piriton.
best wishes to you all xx

hope dd was ok for u last night.

dd is ok, she still has the itchy rash but no temp and a slight snuffly nose and cough so i think its the start or a cold.
well i took her to her new class this morning and got the wrong day what an idiot! its tomorrow.
i will try the distracting but she is such a dawdler.

ive done that but the other way...i arrived a day late at the start of term to be met by mums having a laugh at my expense. It was funny tho cos i was full of the first day of term and they had already had one day there...what was worse,the headmaster wanted to know why we didnt come in on the first day and i had to admit i'd got it wrong oooopsssssmacked wrists

just getting the house tidy for when DS1 comes back from Oz tomorrow night. I will be playing in a badminton match with my team tomorrow, so i feel a bit guilty about not picking him up from the station.I am hoping his girlfriend might be around to collect him as i am sure she has missed him. Just wondering how they will be when they see each other as they only started going out again, just b4 he went away. He had been out with her b4 , but ended it, as it was getting too heavy. Hope she does not give him grief about sharing a room with another pharmacy student..who happens to be a girl...but not his girlfriend.No strings attached and just friends.

it will be good for you to see him again! im sure he will get a bit of grief over sharing a room with a girl but that will show she likes him, i think a bit of jealousy is natural.

going to fumigate his bag b4 he brings it in the house in case it has any creepy crawlies.....

oh i thought you were worried about his stinky washing
My OLs think im harsh cos i get dd to help me load and unload the washer and hang the clothes to dry. thats why their son couldnt (wouldnt) do anything for himself till he met me when he suddenly became capable of doing everything.