I'm a really shit mommy and i cant snap out of it!

[ilovetochat]

dd is only 2 and I can't keep my cool with her and can't stop shouting at her and being nasty and i don't want to be like this as i love her so much and being a mom is what ive always wanted and im shit.
this morning i wanted to take her to baby gym which she loves and its the only class on as its school hols. we needed to leave at 9.40 so we were all ready when she decided she needs a wee. i sat her on the toilet..
dd "i need a wee"
me "have a wee and we can go"
dd "no" (raspberry)
me "do you need a wee"
dd "no"
me "lets get our shoes and go then"
dd "no i need a wee"
she was on and off the toilet laughing and blowing raspberries, i asked her if she wanted to go to gym and she said yes but then kept asking for a wee till 10.05.
i ended up shouting that she was silly and didnt deserve to go to gym and could stay in all day and be bored and i was fed up of her being silly and i went on and on at her. i just wanted to walk out the house and leave her to it as she drives me up the wall.
she then cried and asked for a cuddle and gym.
i took her to the gym and then park and we had a lovely morning out and she was good as gold and i told her i love her and how good she was being etc.
but everything i want her to do, even if its something nice like going to the park, ends up with me shouting her crying then eventually we go and have a great time.
what i am doing wrong?
Why cant i be patient with my own dd?
I feel like walking away and leaving dd and dp to it as they get on so well and im just shouting and being a bitch.

maths, geography and general studies. got kicked off chemistry as i missed too much time due to glandular fever.

were due to the phonecall that has really pissed me off, thoughtless, selfish, self absorbed, fake, user.

im glad im off out tonight, im going to exercise so hard!!!

why has everyone got their priorities so wrong?

have some friends let you down. Is Dp looking after your daughter tonight?

thought it was me you were angry at.

My A levels were Biology, art and french...told you they were a weird combination. Wanted to be a PE teacher but as i said ...parents couldnt afford uni then.

Have a good night out.. are you going to the gym

no not mad at you sorry

yes dp is looking after dd while i go to an exercise class, the one i started recently to go out once a week, its great, loud music and wears me out.

dp just took dd to the shop so i could hoover through aswell so the house looks a bit better.

noone has let me down really, just someone taking advantage as usual, not considering me and that i might be busy and not want to hear it all again and not want to talk money again. blood thicker than water

anything planned tonight, you seeing your bf?
tell him you are free friday night and will be dressed up waiting for a good night out and make him surprise, see what he does?

hope you are alright

off out now, check back later.

no nothing planned, another boring night in tonight.....wish i cud come with you to your exercise class, although i did get plenty last night with 3 hours badminton.might sort out my wardrobe and throw a few old clothes out as i treated myself to a few pretty flimsy beach type wraps and a couple of dresses in the last of the summer sales. Picked up a gorgeous beach wrap for £3 at TK Max,

speak to you l8r. have a good class

had a great time, music was brilliant and it was the best instructor tonight, he is so funny and works us hard. feel invigorated now, wish you could come too!
snuck in and gave dd a kiss goodnight and she is snuggled up with a glowing care bear in a tight hug, gorgeous!
I need to look at my holiday wardrobe, hoping my bikinis fit from 3 years ago when we last went abroard, that was pre dd though, i weigh about the same but my body shape has changed.
3 hours badminton sounds hard work, you must be really good
dd is excited about the party we are going to saturday, its a wedding, she said she wants to wear a pink princess dress and pretty hair. im looking forward to it too, not the princess dress though .
I have a black and white dress with a belt i could wear or a purple prom type dress from monsoon i could wear. probably wear the black and white one for this wedding as its eveing only and the prom type one for another wedding end of the month as thats all day.
hope your night hasnt been too boring, how often do you see bf then? i presumed every night as youve ben with him ages.

do 3 hours badminton every Tuesday. We have a club of about 30 players. We start our league matches next Tuesday and my team has just been promoted to the premier division in Stockport, so really looking forward to some hard games. I play for Cheshire too and have played in the nationals down at Milton Keynes. I play with DS1 in family mixed in our badminton league. DS1 and I love it and BF loves it too but he is still injured with groin strain and now tennis elbow. He has got to be careful about injuries as he is now self employed and cant afford to be injured as he has to carry some heavy equipment around as he is a land surveyor.

Don't talk about changing shape...wait til you get menopausal and 2 children later.. everything changes. I always try to keep weight under control but having the recent hidden gall bladder problem and three fibroids has not helped my waist line lately. At least i am fit and proud to be on the A team with 4 23year olds....te he.

i am really close to my boys but there is a different bond with a daughter. you can go clothes shopping and talk girly things later on when she is older,make up, boyfriends, nail varnish...all the things boys dont do.Although i have to say my boys talk about most things really freely with me,we are not at all inhibited.
I wouldn't change them for the world but i would have liked a daughter aswell.
I suppose what worries me,is that when they get married they might spend more time with their wife's mother and i might not see so much of them and possible grand children.

it sounds gorgeous dressing a little girl up in pink things... i have really missed not having a little girl...if my mum were alive ,she would have loved a granddaughter.
i would have loved to go and buy dresses rather than boys grungy trousers and guns and garages.

is it a relatives wedding you are going to or a friend. Will it be DD first one. I bet she will love dressing up like a little princess.
How nice for you to be able to go to 2 weddings so close together...see you have more friends than you thought. At least you have a valid excuse to get dressed up. Black and white sounds ok to me. Its a really smart combination for a wedding...r u wearing a hat or is it more casual.

BF arrived late so he decide to get a takeaway chinese which was nice, but he is so tired again so he has gone home early.peck on the cheek and he has gone....alone again.
In answer to your question... i see him 5 out of 7 nights a week unless i can sense that he is really busy or tired..but sometimes i just enjoy a night on my own,routing thro my cupboards and cookery books and now MN as i have you to talk to.

hope you do well in your badminton this year
well, ive just tried on my holiday stuff, i have 6 shorts and 8 day tops that fit, 2 cream trousers, lots of night tops (not that we will be going out really cos of dd), some flipflops and sandals (bit old fashioned but never mind). BUT my bikini bottoms fit fine but the tops are hanging off me, my boobs have disappeared since bf. i could wear them if i have to but really need 2 new bikinis, i hate shopping and i bet there is no summer stuff left out.
both the weddings are my cousins, the first is very casual when i will wear black and white and the second is more formal all day affair so will dress up in my purple dress or maybe even a long dress, no hat though, its not me.
dd went to my friends wedding when she was 8 months and last summer she went to my sisters wedding and a friends wedding so she is a professional
she has a beautiful pink dress past the knee, very full with little flowers round the neck so she will wear that. she wears dresses at least 50% of the time and loves it. she still asks to wear her christening dress, it no longer fits as she was only 8 months but it hangs in her room, its ivory coloured with a wine coloured rose on the front and roses on the underskirt, she looked amazing (not that im biased ). im glad she likes dressing up while she is little. she has already asked for makeup and her nails painted but i say no.
if i had another dc id like a girl so they could play together but then id like a boy to experience one of each so id be happy either way
dd sees all her grandparents weekly, we dont see less of dps parents.
sounds like your bf get up and go got up and went, did you feel a bit sad when he went?
hope you are ok.

when my boys were little when we went on holiday..we decided not to let it control our evenings out. We went to Rhodes alot when they were small babies and we used to stay up quite late 12-1pm. Some of the restaurant owners used to bring 2 of the directors chairs and put them front to front to make a makeshift cot. DS1 and DS2 used to curl up and go to sleep,it was brilliant and even in a few cocktail bars they would just lie on the sofas next to and go to sleep even with music. It never ruined their sleep pattern..it was brilliant becos we could have our nights out. Try it...if they were ever tired the next day they just just curled up on a sun bed in the shade and went to sleep. We had some brilliant holidays without having to keep to a set bedtime routine. It didnt even mess them up when we came home. DD might quite like the treat of staying up later too. We were not bad parents,we just decided that the boys would fit in with us and TBH it really worked well. They were so well behaved when we went out,it was an absolute pleasure to sit at 10pm having a meal in Lindos under the stars.

yes im fine thx. sorted out some clothes for the charity shop and trying to get the house tidy for when DS2 come home. He will have all his washing from 5 weeks in Oz and lots of piccys too. Cant wait 2 c them.

It is nice having 2 children of the same sex as they often play better together. Although nine are nearly 4.5 years apart, they are the best of friends and have always been very close. Two girls would be brilliant but it would be nice for you to have one of each...the ideal family

just got to nip out to M & S to take my BF shirt back...wrong size and i need to get a few bits of food from Tesco...so i'll catch you l8r

oh sorry i missed you, must get some ironing done now dd is asleep. glad you are getting your ds back!
we have booked balconies on the boat and hotel so when dd has gone to bed we can sit out and have a drink but we will definitely be relaxed and enjoy the evenings. she can sit in her pushchair when tired. its her day naps which will be more trouble but again she may have to nap in her pushchair or on the sunbed shaded.
chat later

this will make you laugh..... was cleaning the kitchen earlier and i thought i could smell that awful smell of rotting potatoes. So i searched all over my pantry for the offending item. Not a bad one to be found. Asked DS2 if he could smell something and he agreed. Anyway couldnt work out what it was. BF arrived with somthing that needed microwaving..and so i opened the microwave door. Guess what was sitting or should i say crawling on the tray...LOL ....4 beefbugers from DS2 BBq from monday pm. OMG the smell {blush] it smelled like dead bodies. Ive had to disinfect all the micro and fumigate the kitchen and dustbin...OMG i cant believe the smell ..heave heave... Funny though.....I thought we had got thro alot of burgers .
you can tell i dont use my microwave alot. good job i didnt do that b4 the hols

i do stuff like that.
just been to tesco and tried on bikinis, kept finding tops with no bottoms and bottoms with no tops. must be some funny women round here
didnt get one, but i found the style that suits me is halter neck solid top rather than 2 triangles and im a 10 top 10.12 bottom so thats a start.
have to go shopping soon.
took dd to the library today and she made friends with a 4 year old boy and they played for half hour, i love to see her off playing.
hoping to see my mom tomorrow before she goes away for the week. also taking dd to baby gym so busy.

i did a mountain of ironing and am now up to date, until tomorrow i suppose.

you ok?

still havent cleared the garden up after the bbq from monday.... its been like monsoon weather here. I was woken at 4.30am this morning with all the doors banging with the typhoon. Went downstairs to see the small marquee about to launch into orbit. So at 4.30 in the morning i am there taking half of it down so that it wouldnt tear or blow away. My neighbours must think i am totally nuts.. i must be to have done that in the pouring rain, in my dressing gown...call the padded van...i need help
BF round at the mo and hes about to fall asleep again...i think i am going to buy him some pep me up pills for his 50th.
feel a bit sorry for him as he only set up his own business last november after Manchester council decided to close their survey department,but thankfully all is going well.

what date are you going on the cruise...do you have to fly to pick up the boat or do u set sail from britain. You will have to pack your posh dresses and get an invite to captains table

we are going to a hotel in majorca for a week first at the end of sept and then the cruise sets off from Palma for a week round Tunisia, Italy, Spain and France. Its not a posh cruise, its a family friendly one. Most restaurants are buffet style and there is a kids tea at 5.30 and entertainment is circus style shows by the pool. there are casinos and discos for adults but we wont be doing that. there is a kids club too with their own paddling pool, soft play and cars on their own deck. we will never see dd

i guess its hard having your own business but he does sound tired all the time, is he depressed? Buy him a bungee jump for his birthday

Hi Ilovetochat

I'm so glad I read this thread, as I have 2 DD's age 4 and 6. I seem to spend all my time shouting at them as they never listen and I can't be heard over they're bickering. Getting out the door is just as bad, although as they are a bit older I have threatened to take they in their PJ's before now.

My DD2 started school today and I'm like you I always tried to have loads of fun activities planned but always seemed to be on the 'hurry bus', even though I left plenty of time to get out of the house.

Have you ever considered speaking to your GP re not being able to regulate your feelings? I did, and have had depression, anxiety etc. I've had therapy to help, and it has as it's calmed me down and made me realise lifes too short to get wound up over everything. I always thing is this battle worth fighting? With regard to going to baby gym, you are primarily going for your daughters benefit (as I used to), however you are also probably going for the social interaction with other adults.

I did also start having 1 day a week as a PJ day, to help combat the stress and need to hurry everywhere.

Good luck, and don't forget MN's here to help with those difficult times, as we all have them.

hi mrspurple, i start each day thinking im not going to stress over things but it doesnt always last.
today dd slept in till 8.30 and my dad was due at 9.30 so i took her down got breakfast which she took forever to eat and then took her up to go to the toilet and get dressed. i saw my dads car pull up so i said to dd come on we need to go and let grandad in. she wanted to get her teddy, then fetch her book then climb down herself, slowly doing each step and touching the banister and touching the wall etc etc, meanwhile my dad is stood outside in the rain. i told her and told her leave the teddy, hurry up, grandads waiting, but i ended up bellowing stuff she wouldnt even understand about time not waiting for her, picking her up which made her scream no i want to do it myself and carrying her downstairs and out the way so i could open the door. 9.30 and i had failed.
dp said she was just being independant doing things herself and he would have waited for her and made my dad wait outside but i dont think its fair to leave someone in the rain. i dont know.
thanks for saying you understand.
i havent been to the docs and dont want to. im not depressed. im just intolerant and impatient.

ilovetochat
the cruise sounds really good. Do you get chance to get off and see anywhere in tunisia.Ive never been there...it will be pleasantly warm when you go. Where are you docking in italy? Only been there once to Tuscany when my ex won a holiday in the Prima magazine to a farmhouse near Montepulciano. ( what a beautiful place)Had to brush up on holiday italian as no one spoke a word of english in the local villages.Bought one of those teach yourself tapes to listen to in the car. God knows what i asked for in some of the shops!!!!!!!

I think you might be right about my BF, he is always tired and often sees the black side of everything. I did once mention to him that he might be depressed as he does sleep alot too. He can sleep for 10-12 hours, if i let him at weekend. I know he has a manual job,but no one needs that much sleep.I find it slightly frustrating as he just agrees with me most of the time and then does nothing about it. I was on my feet all day as a pharmacy dispenser and the concentration and mental stress was immense but i never needed that much sleep...mind u i dont sleep well anyway...but thats another story.
Dont really know what to do long term because i have so much energy and at times i feel as though i am being suppressed and I often feel really bored. Because he doesnt react to anything physically or verbally it just seems to have no sparkle...at times its like trying to rouse the living dead. Have moments when i feel in a bit of a dilemma. Its so hard to meet nice people at my ripe old age!!!!I dont really want someones cast off but i would love to be wooed ( is that how you spell it) again. I think i am just a true romantic a heart and need a partner with a little more life. That must sound awful after a 12 year friendship, but as i said b4, i am really scared of being totally alone.
Thanks for being my friend...really look forward to our chats...beginning to feel as though ive known you ages.

ilovetochat, you seem very anxious about time, like your on a treadmill?

Your description is exactly how I felt with the depression thrown in. As mums we have so much to do and put huge pressures on ourselves to get everything done. I'm with you about not leaving your dad in the rain. Which is why I mentioned earlier about picking which battles to fight. I don't mean literally, I mean with some things they are not important, whereas others are.

I also start off each day meaning to be calm and patient, but by the time teeth are cleaned I'm counting to ten, as DD's just don't see the importance of time and that they have to be at school in less than 1 hour.

I'm hoping it is an age thing and it will get better as they understand more, but I'm getting more skeptical!

At least I'm not alone and don't feel like it's only our family who seem to shout alot.

well i started the day shouting again, it seems to bet getting going in the morning that is the problem. dd slept in till 9 (need to sort her sleeping out) so we had to rush to get to gym. yes its for my sake as well as hers, she loves it there but i need to see an adult too. she is hungry, wants breakfast, but then sings, chats, anything but eat, till the last second after numerous warnings that the birds will eat it, then she suddenly wants to eat it, so we are late. it doesnt matter that we are late except im paying for less time there but we miss the singing which she likes and i cant see a reason for being late, i just want her to eat.

Hi alypaly
yes the cruise stops at tunisia for a morning, spain for a day, france for a day and then 2 day stops at italy, cant remember the ports but im excited as ive never been to Italy
Living alone must be lonely but then being with your bf sounds lonely and maybe your personalities just dont match regardless of how many hours he works etc. some people are lively, some arent. do you holiday together for a week at a time? how do you get on then? i have no idea where you meet people, ive been with dp since i was 24 and we met at work. before that i was with someone from 21 to 24 so the last time i was single was when i was 21 and i went out clubbing/bars, not my scene at all now.
my mom and dad divorced when they were 48 and my mom is a shy person and was alone for 5 years but she was set up on a blind date with a friend of a friend. they have been together 8 years now, happily married and a lovely couple, perfectly matched. thats why i'll never stay anywhere im not happy.
i like coming on here chatting to you too

Hello again..just been into Manchester for a look at the last remnants of the sales. Wasnt up to much,just the size 18-22 left and im not that size yet.

Ive never been to the coast of italy either,just this remote farm house in tuscany.( the freebie I was telling u about) We were 100 of miles from the sea, a seaside trip was out of the question for the boys although we did make it to Sienna which was amazing.I love the italian accent...

My BF and I have got very different personalities.
He is very content to be alone and to do things on his own...maybe that comes of being a only child.( although I was virtually an only child.) he likes to fish alone ,his job is a solitary one as a land surveyor...just standing with a theodolite all day long and no conversation.
Do you have brothers and sisters?
BF lives with his mum...He's not very worldy wise...not that I am, but he struggles to have conversation with well versed people and i find this slightly embarrassing at times..especially when i took him to the school dinner dance. He was really uncomfortable and i felt for him.I am only his 3 rd girlfriend ever!!!!!!!!!!!
He lives in jeans, never gets dressed up and i would just love to go out dressed smartly at weekends.I have to push him to dress up on hols...infact i end up going through his case and throwing out the things i dont want him to take. He has no interest in clothes,fashion,aftershave....OMG but he is so genuine...
I feel a bit like Lady Diana at times just trying on my dresses when I am on my own.Used to go out alot with my ex b4 he blew the relationship..We used to go out alot with business entertaining ..long dresses and hats etc.so I really miss it.

Im not one for moaning about my lot in life, but when I chat with you it actually becomes more apparent that my BF and I are probably not suited for marriage. We go on holiday twice a year if we can ...one weeks skiing and two weeks summer and then we are together at the weekends at my caravan. We dont argue or anything..it just feels stale and emotionless.....Cant remember when he last gave me a hug. I feel like his best friend or his 2nd mum as he sometimes just turns up for meals and then goes home. What am I going to do......cant see life panning out like this long term. DS2 will be at uni in 2 years and then i will be totally alone at home. I suppose i really need to grasp the nettle an try and make a decision..but its really hard as BF is a genuinely nice,kind person .
Sorry this post is so long....not normally as open as this,maybe it might help me make my mind up.

How do you feel when your DP goes out and does his own thing ,leaving you with DD. Does it make you angry sometimes? or are you one of the lucky few, with a brillaint
partnership
Just gong to cook something for our dinner as BF and DS2 are due home soon. Its DS2 first day back at school in his new sixth form blazer.they have gone from dark green to navy in sixth form and he looks fab!He is 6'3" blonde and really handsome..but maybe im biased..lol!
Catch you later,must go and put salmon in the oven

your ds2 sounds lovely
dp has been to the sales today in his dinner hour to get me a bikini and dd a sunsuit and found neither as only weird sizes left. im panicking, think ive left it too late!

yes i get angry with dp sometimes as he is out a lot, some work some pleasure and assumes i will look after dd wheras when i want to go anywhere i have to specifically ask him to be in and look after dd, he loves looking after her though.
i wouldnt say we are perfect couple, we just argued as dps dad had parked outside directly opposite another car and a neighbour had to come and ask dps dad to move the car and dp said the neighbour was a poor driver (to me not them) and should have asked the other car owner and i told him his dad was in the wrong for parking there and to stop being so grumpy and miserable. he is fine now. i always say what i think

BUT i couldnt imagine my life without dp, i love him so much and obviously love dd and i love him for giving me dd and being a great dad to her and supporting us as a family. he makes me laugh so much we have great fun together and when we go out or on holiday we dont argue, just have a great time and get dressed up and dance all night. i chose him with my heart not my head but ive never doubted the relationship and there is noone id rather be with. i think we are a very lucky family!
i am 99% happy and there is only 1 problem, its a major problem but i live in hope it will be resolved.

you sound very lucky having such a happy relationship.
Whats the other 1%,the major problem or is it too personal.
I snese its you being left in at home and Dp out enjoying himself....????????

sorry my brain is ahead of my fingers...i meant to type "sense" not snese or maybe its the glass of wine.