I'm a really shit mommy and i cant snap out of it!

[ilovetochat]

dd is only 2 and I can't keep my cool with her and can't stop shouting at her and being nasty and i don't want to be like this as i love her so much and being a mom is what ive always wanted and im shit.
this morning i wanted to take her to baby gym which she loves and its the only class on as its school hols. we needed to leave at 9.40 so we were all ready when she decided she needs a wee. i sat her on the toilet..
dd "i need a wee"
me "have a wee and we can go"
dd "no" (raspberry)
me "do you need a wee"
dd "no"
me "lets get our shoes and go then"
dd "no i need a wee"
she was on and off the toilet laughing and blowing raspberries, i asked her if she wanted to go to gym and she said yes but then kept asking for a wee till 10.05.
i ended up shouting that she was silly and didnt deserve to go to gym and could stay in all day and be bored and i was fed up of her being silly and i went on and on at her. i just wanted to walk out the house and leave her to it as she drives me up the wall.
she then cried and asked for a cuddle and gym.
i took her to the gym and then park and we had a lovely morning out and she was good as gold and i told her i love her and how good she was being etc.
but everything i want her to do, even if its something nice like going to the park, ends up with me shouting her crying then eventually we go and have a great time.
what i am doing wrong?
Why cant i be patient with my own dd?
I feel like walking away and leaving dd and dp to it as they get on so well and im just shouting and being a bitch.

Maybe your dad thought she would find them funny...hes trying his best. He probably didnt realise they would scare her.He might have been better to let her get them out of the bag rather than her thinking something had happened to grandpas hands.Its nice he is trying to be involved...some wouldnt even bother.

Its beautiful here too....believe it or not,i am actually doing the ironing in the garden, in my bikini, as it is so hot...just taken a break for an iced drink. Got a bit of a tan too.
Managed to do all DS1's washing and 2/3rds of the way thro the ironing. I cant bear seeing it lying around waiting to be ironed..hes a typical student...it would sit there for ever and as i only have a small house a dont want the clutter.

They are like sponges at 2yrs old...have you done any of those flash cards yet? she will soak them up if you make it into a game and she will be streets ahead of the others by nursery time.

no she has some of those jolly phonics sounds cards but i will do her some words.

are you about now, i have some turkey steaks to do for dinner and they cook in the oven but last time i did them they were dry so can i cover them in a sauce and cook them, how will it alter the cooking times? im a useless cook.

What sauce is it?depends how thick they are and how many...heat up the suce first and probably 40 mins i would say (180degrees). sweat some chopped onions or mushrooms depending on your sauce.

I love cooking { i am a compulsive buyer of cookery books)...they are my bedtime reading( sad that i am)..The boys love chicken breasts or legs done in BBQ sauce.You can make enuf for 2 days and serve with pasta and brocolli or freeze.

I fry the chicken till browned all over,fry 2 chopped omions lightly.
Put them in a heated slow cooker with 1/3 rd bottle tomato sauce,tsp french or english mustard and 1 dessert spoon vinegar, and simmer for up to 2 hours. They are always juicy and fall off the bone. If they want it spicy i just add fresh or dried chilli or tobasco. Served on couscous or rice..yummy!!!

seal your meat first by quickly searing in frying pan with olive oil.. it will keep the juices in

check after half an hour and turn over other wise top will dry out and see if they are rady..ovens vary so much depending on what make,if they are gas,fan,normal

its a sweet and sour shop bought sauce, thanks i will fry first then. got potato, carrot and parsip and i might do beans as have tons from moms allotment.

I would cut them up into bite size slices, like in chinese food ( turkey can tend to go more dr than chicken)and just literaly pan fry in a small amount of veg oil, when nearly cooked through( just cut one in half) add the sauce and heat through gently. 15 mins max. Add some sliced red or green peppers to add a bit of crunch b4 you put the sauce in unless there is already enuf in the sauce for you.
It should stay nice and moist done this way.

just back from park, off to start cooking now ta.

hi aly, dinner went well thanks for the tip of heating the meat first i did that and then cokked it in sauce and it waant dry at all. dp and dd ate it and said it was nice
you are prob right about my dad just trying to be nice, i am too harsh.
OLs have been round and dd has played in the garden on her slides and in sandpit till 8pm but we havent got to be out till 9.30 tomorrow morning so can take it easy. i like to make the most of warm light nights.
Are you spedning tonight with ds1 or is he off out?

Hi ilovetochat, glad turkey turned out okay.

It has been a lovely day today. Got all my ironing done in the garden,bikini style

DS1 (nearly )did it again and put his name decide to have a night in and his GF came round, she is so sweet.
Asked her to stay for dinner and then rang my ex to see if he wanted to come and see all of them, so i did a lamb roast and we had a lovely meal together and then looked through about 1000 photos of australia.

What a wonderful evening.
Drank a gorgeous bottle of Chablis that DS1 got me for xmas( was saving it for a special night and 2nite was a good excuse.
DS1 girlfriend had to go early as she had to travel to Notts ready for the start of uni. She is so nice,she came to talk to me in the kitchen whilst i was cooking and to see if i needed some help....she is the nicest girl he has ever brought home.

sounds like a great night and its good you like the gf. Is your ex with anyone else? it sounds like being all together is your idea of a perfect night, or was it just for the boys sake?

after my mom and divorced my dad still came round for xmas dinner and to see me, it was nice for me bt must have been hard on my mom, a bit awkward iykwim.

well i dont know what it is about firdays, maybe im just knackered by the end of the week, but i ended up shouting at dd again this morning and again it was her faffing on the toilet making us half hour late for gym. it didnt matter as its a flexible class but i cant see why shed rather sit on the toilet daydreaming and talking than get out the door to see her friends. in the end i just picked her up and carried her out whic made her mad as she is very independant. I have got PMT which didnt help, im all achey yuk.

yes ..my ex has been with the same girl for 12 years,but over that time he has made many promises to come back to us,(when the boys were smaller.) He has really messed my head up over the years,( and DS2 a bit as well)but thankfully left no scars on them mentally. It was never the right time for him to leave his girlfriend.i.e.he didnt have the guts to make a decision and stick to it. He used to give me a date and then back out,at the 111th hour. How many tears i have shed over the years i will never know. I still love him to bits,but would i ever trust him?......... We have really good times when we are together and we are probably closer now than we were when we were together. Its lovely having my complete family together. I love having times like last night as i had a horrible childhood and had a really unhappy home life. All I ever wanted was a happy family ,love and loyalty and some really close friends. Dont think thats too much to ask ,do you?

Do you suffer badly from PMT....never had it ,so i dont know what its like?

DD's got you well sussed out i think....try not to let her wind you up or just ignore her and say...oh well we wont bother going then and then just carry on with your chores...see what she does.
Whats on the menu tonight?
OOH its friday ...maybe a take away????

no i dont think a happy family is too much to ask at all, i think its what you deserve as you are lovely . maybe the answer doesnt lie in the past or even the present, maybe the future holds something or someone new who is worth your trust. i hope so!

I do get PMT every month, i could cry at anything today, happy and sad things, even on the tv or paper. im also snappy. i feel sickly, achey, my legs are like lead and im bloated massively. once my period comes i actually feel much much better and thinner too. since dd though my periods are very very heavy and i struggle with them.

i have tried saying to dd ok no gym and she says oh i want gym so i say come on then get off the toilet, no no i havent finished, aaaagh. rest of the day went fine and she was all chesty after her nap and sat cuddling me for ages, it was lovely!

we went to the nature reserve when dp got home and dd played in the park and we had a lovely time. she was shouting i love you mommy i love you daddy and i was welling up (pmt ).

tonight we had pasta with bacon, peas and beans. dd said the beans were grandads flowers as i told her they were from his allotment.

got some more chicken breasts though so will do the stir fry next.

hows your night?

Had a busy evening taking the marquee down out of the garden from DS2's bbq.
I was waiting to see if DS1 wanted a bbq this weeked, before all his friends went back to uni. We didnt have chance to celebrate his 21st, in May this year, as that day was the first day of his year 3 exams. So, he went out for a meal with his friends in Notts,instead of coming home. A four hour return journey would have been a bit tiring at the start of his exams.Upset that i missed his day and i did offer to drive to see him but they get very independent at 21.

Still, he had a big 18th and he doesnt really seem that bothered.
His gf is coming to stay tomorrow night.

DS2 has gone to a party tonight. He is really happy, as he treated himself to a jacket with his money for passing his exams...he looked so grown up when he went out...mind you ,he is 6ft 3"

Not sure if i am going to my caravan for the weekend. They say the weather is going to be really nice,so it would be lovely to go there and have a walk down the canal and pick some blackberries for the freezer.
There is an old steam train that runs nearby and they dress it up as thomas the tank and do trips on it on mischief night for little ones. It is lovely watching the old train from the caravan windows and we are surrounded by countryside. There is a lovely walk along the canal to a nice pub which ever way you go and there are pheasants in the fields too. I occasionally go to a club down the road and do clay pidgeon shooting with DS2..we love it...he is very good for a beginner.

My BF is really busy this weekend,what with moving his mum out of their current home whilst the building work is done.And he has just been offered a big contract...He seems a bit overwhelmed by it all today,( probably worried about completing everything on time)in fact he doesnt look very well,so i will see what happens when he comes round tomorrow. I think he could do with a day off ,just to relax.It must be difficult starting off as self employed at 49.9 after working for the same company for 30 years.

its a lovley weekend, i hope for your sake you have gone to the caravan to chill and enjoy the countryside.
we are lucky here, our house backs onto a canal with lovely walks both ways, we are 1 mile from a lovely park and 1.5 miles from a large nature reserve so we go most weeks, i love being outside.
went for a walk round the market this morning and then to the park for an hour before dp had to go to work. dd was resisting her nap but at 2.30 she fell asleep.
we met an old lady whilst out and she thanked us for talking to her and gave dd a chocolate bar and said she was beautiful , some people are so kind!!
ive just sat outside reading "surviving the terrible twos" and its so funny, actually made me feel better.

Morning....
didnt go to the caravan. BF had far too much to do with the house move so i just ended up doing a lot of cooking for his mum and my own family. She is not familiar with the new cooker so i made her a shepherds pie and a few other things just to keep them going whilst they settle in.
DS1's GF stayed the weekend so i did a bbq on sat which was nice and then she stayed til late sunday.

She is doing pharmacy too, so the its great to be included in the conversations and nice to be in tune with their uni work.
Sounds like your home is in a lovely place...how nice to have the canal so close.

You will wonder where thew terrible twos have gone as they grow up so quickly.

What did you do for the weekend?

BTW,must be nice with your dad having the allotment...i bet he would love you to get into cooking his produce.What does he grow?Do you just not like cooking..or is it time etc?
Would love to have a dad with an allotment..lovely fresh produce!!!
Unfortunately dont have either of my parents so you are really lucky

Hi, ilovetochat, I read your original thread and then about 2 pages but as there are 10 pages and I haven't got time to read them all....im probably a bit behind.
I was just looking on MN and about to start a thread about me being a rubbish mum when I came across yours. Ugh, Im so with you on the terrible two front.
Ive been quite lucky with my DS up until now but he has started to behave really badly lately.
He is 2 + 3 months, been toilet trained since just turning 2 and it was remarkably easy, he just decided nappies were out! He is always so friendly with other adults and speaks well for his age.
BUT....he has started to do the things you describe your dd does as if to just annoy me. If we are in a hurry he stalls us with whatever nonsense he can dream of. He knows I hate it when he blows rasberries in my face as a form of cheek so does it a lot . He mucks around with his dinners now, throwing stuff whatever else he previously knew was a big no no.
Screaming....Im going insane with this. He screams and shouts whenever he wants something/isn't getting his own way.
This weekens my DH was away on a golfing weekend and I just lost it. Proper flipped out, bitch from hell, supernanny would have a field day lost it. I was doing the screaming, going on and on. I had to put him in his cot on 3 occasions because he was so out of control....I don't recognise this child.
Im 24 weeks PG and Im starting to question....did DS START this or have I?
Have I changed towards him or became less patient and he has picked up on this? Im becoming convinced now that they sense our impatience and react badly to it.
Im not entirely to blame as I did start off trying to humour him and put it down to his back teeth coming in but after a month or two of seriously bad behaviour getting worse and worse - what do you do?
I just know that right now im not dealing with it well at all and im making things a lot worse. I can see he resents me a bit now and looks at me differently, as if he almost hates me .
Im scared that when this new baby comes along and im knackered 24/7 that our relationship hits rock bottom. Im trying to deal with the behaviour now but I feel I have lost all confidence with him and don't know where to start.
He doesn't know there is a new baby on the way yet so it's nothing to do with that.
Anyway, I just wanted to tell you Im in the same boat and I know how you feel - and have a good moan! x

bevlin, i have been following my new tactic, i now say to dd come downstairs please, she dillies about singing, i then say now please or ill carry you, she sings and twirls, i carry her. less stress and shouting just factual, this is happening. with meals i leave her to it and tell her the birds will have what she leaves and she is eating much better. i think i was giving her a lot of attention for messing with food, ignoring me etc wheras now she gets more attention for listening to me. i feel like i dont cope as well as other moms but i think at least 50% of that is my own low self esteem and i worry what others think too much.

its my mom and stepdad who have an allotment, 2 in fact, they grow lots and lots of different vegetables and rarely have to buy any and find it an enjoyable hobby.

i dont know how to cook, i dont enjoy cooking i find it very stressful, i have never been shown how to cook, i dont really want to cook and im not a foodie so to me dinner is to fill my stomach rather than an event, therefore spending hours in the kitchen before and after the meal seems wasteful as i have things id prefer to do. i know its a bad attitude and i try for dds sake and i eat breakfast to give her a good example.

had a good weekend thanks, mainly in the garden and park.

took dd to a singing session at nursery today and on the way home she has fallen and grazed her knee, she really cried her keet were kicking in pain and i had to carry her home, she really cried when i washed it and put cream on and has been crying when walking and holding her leg stiff, poor thing. i was worried as she normally stops tears quickly and runs off but this time i could tell it was hurting her, but she can walk on it and it didnt swell up so i think its just sore.

Hello ilovetochat....we have got a really mixed up thread now..funny though as someone keeps popping in now and then for a chat about DS's and DD's .We have side tracked, way off your initial post.

I was never shown how to cook either and didnt cook anything til i moved away from home at 21.
Im terrible now, i have 100's of cookery books. Cooking doesnt have to take ages, honestly...i would love to have had a daughter to cook with. I made cakes and biscuits with the boys when they were younger and they just loved getting their hands in and putting the cherries on top.
Why do you find cooking so stressful...you could involve DD..Im sure she would love it...
Maybe when she is a little bit older it could be benificial to both of you and a destreser to involve her in making things.cakes.biscuits..pasta.
Not that im a boring old mum...i think cooking is really creative for children and u never know it might help her to reduce messing around with her food.If she has made it ,she will want to eat it.I might help you to de-stress too.Worth a try!!!
You do sound a bit stressed tonight..is everything Ok?

know how you feel, I have just found a great book , no don't write it off, its not like any book I have read before about parenting. Honey I've wrecked the kids' by someone Shrader I think, have not got it in front of me...its writtern in an easy style and progresses through stages of behaviour and how to resolve situations...really worth a read

sorry read the i am shit mommy posting and thought this page was about that, so mentioned the book, ignore

alambunique .......sorry , we have digressed alot since the initial posting but im sure ilovetochat would love any suggestions to help..please dont let our chatting stop you

why do you have such a low self esteem...you seem to be doing soooo much with DD?

thanks alambunique, i will have a look at the library, i always get a parenting book when i take dd to get her books,