I'm a really shit mommy and i cant snap out of it!

[ilovetochat]

dd is only 2 and I can't keep my cool with her and can't stop shouting at her and being nasty and i don't want to be like this as i love her so much and being a mom is what ive always wanted and im shit.
this morning i wanted to take her to baby gym which she loves and its the only class on as its school hols. we needed to leave at 9.40 so we were all ready when she decided she needs a wee. i sat her on the toilet..
dd "i need a wee"
me "have a wee and we can go"
dd "no" (raspberry)
me "do you need a wee"
dd "no"
me "lets get our shoes and go then"
dd "no i need a wee"
she was on and off the toilet laughing and blowing raspberries, i asked her if she wanted to go to gym and she said yes but then kept asking for a wee till 10.05.
i ended up shouting that she was silly and didnt deserve to go to gym and could stay in all day and be bored and i was fed up of her being silly and i went on and on at her. i just wanted to walk out the house and leave her to it as she drives me up the wall.
she then cried and asked for a cuddle and gym.
i took her to the gym and then park and we had a lovely morning out and she was good as gold and i told her i love her and how good she was being etc.
but everything i want her to do, even if its something nice like going to the park, ends up with me shouting her crying then eventually we go and have a great time.
what i am doing wrong?
Why cant i be patient with my own dd?
I feel like walking away and leaving dd and dp to it as they get on so well and im just shouting and being a bitch.

maybe thats why i havent met many sahm friends, they are mainly early 20s, the few older moms went back to work.

ilovetochat

hey.( spring chicken).. less of the older please. i might be 53 biologically but my mind and hopefully my body havent realised it yet. I hope they never do.

Its funny I find some people my own age a little set in their ways and they dont seem to have any get up and go. They dont seem to want to do lots of sporty things or anything
stimulating. My boy friend is 49 and he is so quiet ( or i am wondering if apathy has set in) Probably a good job we dont live together!!!! What do you reckon. Some nights
he just sits in front of the tv and nods off.he doesnt like going out and I so much want to go out and socialise with nice people. He prefers to have this almost hermit like life just in the four walls..Grrrr!!! I get so frustrated, i probably drive him nuts cos i never sit down.

older people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oops, i meant very slightly older .
i think age doesnt matter, its about 2 people being compatible, some couples both in their 20s sit in every night, some couples both in their 60s do lots of socialising and sport, but you need to be compatible.
dp is 49 and is very sporty, likes all sorts of music and gets on with people of all ages. if he was 49 but unfit, inactive, antisocial etc i couldnt be with him.
its impressive you play badminton at such a high level. i can barely hit a shuttlecock but i like it.

ilovetochat
i she your first?
Had my firstDS at 33 so i was probably an older mum then.Like you, I never seemed to get asked to go round to anyones house . (I keep wondering if there is something wrong with me) and even now i always feel as though i have to do the asking for people to come to me at home for supper or a drink and its a little bit like that at my caravan sometimes.....Although funnily enuf the people in staffordshire are alot easier to get on with and are alot more genuine.
I think i have had my trust and friendship exploited at times and felt used quite frequently. I am a little wary now but would really like a genuine friend. Not to be in their pocket or anything like that, but a female friend to go out and have a good laugh, or moan or cry with and some intelligent conversation. I had no one to turn to when i lost my mum 18 months ago and i would have given anything to have had a close friend. I felt so lonely because she wasnt just my mum,we were best friends too.

i feel the same, people always seem to take more from relationships than they give.
although today i have met an old schoolfriend who i see every few months and she has a son who is 4, we had a great chat and the dc play lovely, dd is no trouble at all when she has a friend to play with, so ive had a great day!
id love a close friend who lived near by who i could pop round to see or meet for coffee regularly but as you say still have our own lives.
yes dd is my first, id love another to be honest for her to play with, grow up with but im scared how would i cope when i struggle with 1?

do you honestly believe you are struggling, or is that the perfectionist in you.
I get the feeling you were never praised as a child...or maybe i am wrong..or your parents had such high expectations of you that you needed to be really good and efficient at everything.
We seem to have this chat line to ourselves just about.
Look forward to coming on now I have a like mind to talk to

i look forward to coming on for a chat too, im more of a one-to-one person than groups when it comes to talking.
you are half right, my mom praised me about everything and always told me how much i was loved and did everything for me, maybe a bit too much so i didnt learn how to do stuff for myself. My dad rarely praised me, only for academic stuff, otherwise it didnt matter and he always had to be better tha me, very competitive, still is the same really.

i think the not coping is more like me not meeting my own standards/expectations. dd is mischievous and i dont always know how to handle it and feel i am failing cos she keeps doing it. but most toddlers probably do the same and their parents ignore it and dont feel like failures?
when i see how nicely she played today i feel proud of her and when i see her developing and learning i feel proud so maybe feeling proud is a little success?
i dont want to end up parenting like my dad, shouting and ruling with an iron fist . i scare myself sometimes when i think i am like him.

You sound like an ok mum to me. but see what i mean about past historyand links with how you feel now. Your dad made u feel as tho u werent good enough and now u strive for a greater degree of perfection. there is a definite link.
Anyway, on a more positive note,of to warmer climes tomorrow, 35 degrees...yipee. will talk when i get home..but til then take care

have a great holiday!

hello, back from hols to this awful weather. Had an absolutely fanatstic holiday, with the most wondefful group of friends. !£ of us in total. Had a free sunset cruise with canapes and champagne as we were repeat guests and also a 4 hour cruise . Felt reaqlly spoilt.
How are you..missed our chats. Hope you can find this thread again,it took me ages..

thought id scan for you after seeing you on the other thread .
the hol sounds great, hope we have such a good time when we go soon.
i have to find a present for dps 50th, ive arranged a meal and im taking him on holiday but i want a little gift of me and dd for him to keep, £100 max, any ideas?

that was supposed to read 13 of us all though i have to say !£ is wahat came tumbling out of my purse....cant believe the increase in prices of drinks this year in halkidiki

actually its my boyfriends 50th on october 23 rd too.
So i am having the same problem. Think I might actually get him a really good quality digital SLR camera as the one he took with him on hols was almost antique looking and had very few functions.Just got my eldest son a fuji finepix to take with him on his trip round Oz and for someone who doesnt take photos...well he has told me he has taken over 600 just 3 weeks into his trip...so well worth the money.Also my Dp is a keen fisherman hmmm so some fishing tackle might be appreciated. Cant get him anything to do with badminton as he is injured with groin strain at the moment and has been off the team for 8 months.He isnt fashion mad or a lover of aftershaves and jewellery is definitely not an interest despite the many reminders from our friends that we had been together for 12 years. Guess I am destined to be single.

BTW
My youngest has just got his GCSE results so we are going to have a small BBq for him and his best friends this weekend. We are so thrilled...he got 4 A stars 4 A's and one B..but he wants his maths remarking as he is one mark short of an A star....worth a try. So despite breaking both his thumbs on holiday we are in for a good weekend. Just erecting a small marquee in the garden in case this weather continues(its only plastic...nothing too grand)dont quite know where to put the bbq if it does rain....it gets so hot it will melt the roof of the marquee...yikes.

are you doing much for bank hols?

ilovetochat what are dh hobbies then i might be able to think of something.

congrats to your son, great results, shame about the thumbs
we are going to dds godparents sunday and meeting friends at a funday on monday with a kids disco so should be a godd weekend!
dp doesnt wear any jewellery except watches, he loves watches and has some nice ones but i cant afford a nice watch for him.
he has a camera, only about 2/3 years old.
he likes clothes but has tons of everything.
he likes aftershave but has unopened ones still.
he likes football, 70s music, golf, theatre.
i could order champagne for cruise but i wanted something to keep maybe?

are you going on a cruise. what about some tickets for next years golf open

how about a new pair of Footjoys golf shoes. they might go down quite well and they will last a long time.they are about £90

yes we go end of sept for a cruise and stay in majorca. so i could book champagne/breakfast in bed/flowers/chocs for £50.
he might like new golf shoes, i bought him some 3 or 4 years ago which are getting a bit battered.

thanks swallowedafly, dd talks well so i expect too mch from her sometimes too. i have been trying to make sure she gets a run round/activity after her nap too as i realised she was exercising in the morning, having lunch and a nap then all quiet play till dinner, bath and bed so she had a lot of excess energy which needed burning, she never stops running and talking.
i have stuck to my one night out a week and dp loves having dd to himself doing batha and bed (although he let her in our bed naked before bath this week and she weed the bed so i came in to the sheets in the wash he will learn.
i do stress at her when she takes an hour to eat dinner etc but i try and remember she is only 2 and i love her so much and she has ben cuddling me and kissing me more and says "love you so much" to me now and its nice to get a bit back. she also says she misses me when i go out and its nice to be missed as i miss her too.
thanks for chatting, its true i think im the only one struggling sometimes.

weekend off? we have had 3 nights out in 2 years. noone has ever even taken dd out for a walk in her pram/buggy so i could do anything. i have no intention of doing nursery but would love a bit more help!

dd wants to get down from the table, she normally pulls the i need a wee trick most meals, she then wants the tv on or to be read to and fed and wanders about between mouthfuls, its too relaxed for me im afraid, i like her at the table eating by herself with us all chatting. funnily when it comes to pudding like yoghurt or icecream she suddenly becomes the fastest eater you have ever seen

i keep trying to remember the "will it still matter when they are 18" but its hard when they are driving you up the wall
just hope she sleeps past 6 tomorrow!