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Original poster

I'm a really shit mommy and i cant snap out of it!

257 replies

ilovetochat · 24/07/2009 13:51

dd is only 2 and I can't keep my cool with her and can't stop shouting at her and being nasty and i don't want to be like this as i love her so much and being a mom is what ive always wanted and im shit.
this morning i wanted to take her to baby gym which she loves and its the only class on as its school hols. we needed to leave at 9.40 so we were all ready when she decided she needs a wee. i sat her on the toilet..
dd "i need a wee"
me "have a wee and we can go"
dd "no" (raspberry)
me "do you need a wee"
dd "no"
me "lets get our shoes and go then"
dd "no i need a wee"
she was on and off the toilet laughing and blowing raspberries, i asked her if she wanted to go to gym and she said yes but then kept asking for a wee till 10.05.
i ended up shouting that she was silly and didnt deserve to go to gym and could stay in all day and be bored and i was fed up of her being silly and i went on and on at her. i just wanted to walk out the house and leave her to it as she drives me up the wall.
she then cried and asked for a cuddle and gym.
i took her to the gym and then park and we had a lovely morning out and she was good as gold and i told her i love her and how good she was being etc.
but everything i want her to do, even if its something nice like going to the park, ends up with me shouting her crying then eventually we go and have a great time.
what i am doing wrong?
Why cant i be patient with my own dd?
I feel like walking away and leaving dd and dp to it as they get on so well and im just shouting and being a bitch.

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alypaly · 31/07/2009 14:24

Obsessiveness...just printing off packing list from saved document on computer... do I sound like you

alypaly · 31/07/2009 14:26

whilst preparing chicken tikka ironing and tidying my eldest sons room as we have just got him off to Australia for five weeks....with lots more lists...planning journeys.visas.internal flights...
He did frustrate me as he didnt start planning it properly until about a week ago.
I am definitely not a control freak tho, but i feel calmer if i am planned dont you

alypaly · 31/07/2009 14:28

What area of Stockport do they live in...

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fairimum · 31/07/2009 14:32

Sorry not read it all, but only advice I can give it never enter into a debate/argument with them - ie the toilet thing - if she is silly just, say ok then lets go and carry her out to the car (assume have potty in car etc!) - you say you ahve a great time when you get there, so just go - if she is being silly just get out the house and on your way, ignore the silly behaviour totally! She will get bored with it... eventually!

You are not a bad mum you are doing lovely things with your DD

Original poster
ilovetochat · 31/07/2009 20:18

thanks fairimum, im trying to ignore and carry on. this afternoon i took her to feed the swans and play on the park and she had a meltdown as i wouldnt let her walk on a chain walk, i had to hold her as she would have fallen otherwise, i took her away to the side and sat down till she stopped screaming and biting and then told her to calm down and she could play again which she did, felt like i handled it ok but an older couple were watching shaking their heads and tutting, made me feel shit!
alypaly, yes i like lists for packing and even spreadsheets. my friend moved from midlands to stockport 4 or 5 years ago and have moved house there too, only been to her new house once, its a lovely area she is in near the countryside. when are you off to greece?

OP posts:
Greatfun · 31/07/2009 20:20

Take no notice pf the old people. There is always some disapproving old biddy about when my DD had a paddy. We'll be the same one day

Original poster
ilovetochat · 31/07/2009 21:21

oh god i hope not

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alypaly · 31/07/2009 23:49

ilovetochat
next thursday, we are off to Halkidiki, a wonderful area about an hours drive from Thessaloniki.....
went with my two boys 3 years ago and the hotel is absolutely fantastic( it was a treat to myself for my big birthday). The food is wonderful, the staff cant do enuf to help and the place is spotless. It has a 75% return of previous guests which says alot for the hotel. Booked it all seperately rather than going thro a travel agent and as a result,the hotel have upgraded our room as we are return guests, so I am really pleased.
We are meeting a family that we met there 3 years ago and kept in contact with.( we also drove down to Staines to meet up after the hols for one of the girls 21 st birthdays) Its great becos my youngest son will immediately have good company as they have 4 girls aged between 15 and 24 and they are a lovely family. It makes life alot easier as it is difficult for a young lad to make friends on his own and this year his elder brother has just gone to OZ so i guess I gotmy last holiday with him last year. Think he has flown the nest now.

alypaly · 01/08/2009 00:09

ilovetochat
why does dd bite you?
funnily enuf my packing list is a spread sheet with quantities of each item listed....
i find it helps take the stress out of packing dont you?

Original poster
ilovetochat · 01/08/2009 12:58

ooh that sounds lovely, hope you have a great time! I refused family holidays after the age of 14 but i want to drag dd along forever
dd bites when she tantrums, she bites us, toys and herself till she cries.
we ignore it, put her down and comfort her if she hurts herself and hope it passes.

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alypaly · 02/08/2009 23:36

Sorry not been in touch since sat am, we have been up to our little caravan in Staffs.We go up some weekends to go for a walk along the canal,and go for a drink at the olde worlde pub which is alongside it. We have some really nice neighbours to have a bbq with( when we get the weather)
Gosh, you really sound as if you have your hands full with your little one.Have you left her with a relative or a friend to see how she would react.You sound as if YOU could do with a break. Its almost as if she has difficulty in expressing herself without being angry( BTW thats not meant in a critical way)just worrying that her tantrums make her bite herself.
Does she know she is doing wrong when she bites you or does she do it for attention....does she by any chance grab your face to make you look at her wehen you are talking to hubby? sorry all the questions

alypaly · 03/08/2009 11:34

By ilovetochat
hope you have had a better weekend with dd

nappyaddict · 03/08/2009 11:42

Ilovetochat I think I'm nearish to you. Where in the West Midlands are you? There's a group of us that meet up every week or so at various places and there's always new people coming along so you'd be more than welcome to join us and wouldn't be the only new person I am sure.

Original poster
ilovetochat · 03/08/2009 14:22

hi nappyaddict, im 8 miles from walsall, near the staffs border. can easily get to cannock, lichfield, walsall.
alypaly, had a good weekend, i took dd to a swimming party from a sure start centre saturday after dp went to work and it was great, they did dancing on dance mats after which she liked. then sunday we went to the park and then fed the ducks after lunch and she was good and had no accidents all day.
today i have taken her swimming and she has weed on the carpet and in her pjs and i told her off as i had just asked her if she needed to go.
she throws herself on the floor when she tantrums, throws her head back (lots of near misses), she looks for attention but has never grabbed my face. she always says sorry and kisses me and gets so much attention i cant believe she could want for more.
she gets frustrated as she sometimes cant express what she wants to say.

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nappyaddict · 03/08/2009 16:17

Are you nearer to cannock, lichfield or walsall?

Original poster
ilovetochat · 03/08/2009 16:20

5 miles from lichfield. are you near there?

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alypaly · 03/08/2009 16:25

ilovetochat
hello
know it might be hard, try not to tell her off if she wees on the floor... becos she has won...she has got her reaction..which she is very cleverly looking for. just tell her that if she were a clever girl she would be a good girl and get her potty. I personally would try not to give her as much attention and tell her that mummy has alot of important things to do and see what she does.she may well throw tantrums initially but if you dont react at all the will get less im sure. Tell her that you can have your important time later.
good luck...
hope your not so down on yourself today

nappyaddict · 03/08/2009 16:25

No I'm from the Dudley side of West Midlands but I have family in Walsall and Cannock. Are you on facebook? If so I can put you in touch with a few of my friends in the Walsall area.

Original poster
ilovetochat · 03/08/2009 16:30

no im not on FB but thanks anyway, its kind of you!
alypaly, i know i shouldnt have reacted to her weeing on the floor but aaaagh. i made her clean it up and she said sorry and it was forgotten.
im not as down on myself really, i enjoyed the swim and she is really improving her confidence and laughing so much in the water it makes me , even the lifeguards came over and chatted to her as she was so funny, she can be sweet.

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alypaly · 03/08/2009 16:42

ilovetochat
just ploughing my way thro the packing lists and ticking everything off as it goes in the cases.
WHILST CLEANING THE FRIDGE AND MAKING SURE ALL THE FOOD IS USED UP ECONOMICALLY.
Actually managed to get DS2 to mow lawn this morning but he wouldnt edge it so that has annoyed me.He said why bother we are going on hols and it will be long when we come home. Hes probably right but i just like everything done b4 we leave. Its my ticklist again!!! help!!!!
DS2 had decided to go into manchester to the cinema whilst i pack. I am definitely coming back as a man in my next life

nappyaddict · 03/08/2009 16:43

Oh forgot to say I'm on MSN aswell, if you're on that?

Original poster
ilovetochat · 03/08/2009 16:46

ooh yes i like the house to be clean and tidy and the grass mowed (and stepdad sometimes mows it while we are away ) i love getting ready for a holiday but it is knackering!
How old are your dc alypaly? they sound very independent/helpful. i will get dd to carry on helping so she grows up like that, she helped with the washing this morning, she climbed up the airer which fell backwards and she banged her head off the chair and the floor. honestly she cant keep still without climbing something.

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Original poster
ilovetochat · 03/08/2009 16:47

im not on msn either sorry, only got internet 2 years ago, {old fart emoticon}

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alypaly · 03/08/2009 16:56

ilovetochat
like i was saying in previous posts i am a bit older than you, well alot really...but i still think i am your age.
I am actually 53 and my boys are now 16 and 21. I dont feel 53 and i still play national and county badminton and any other sports that are going.
Learnt to scuba with ds2 3 years ago and ski each year with both DS's. I am a terrible dare devil and will try anything. My kids think i am potty but they love it, rather than having an old mum!!!
They have been such good chidren except for the untidyness of teenagers.I hope i have brought them up properly, but what has been nice over the years is that anyone who has had them for lunch or dinner has always commented how polite they have been even since they were little so i am quite pleased with my achievements.
I have been a single mum since my youngest was 1 .5 so it has been tough at times, but i would do it all again with no hesitation.

Original poster
ilovetochat · 03/08/2009 17:01

thats lovely that people like having your dc around, it shows you have brought them up properly.
its funny, i used to do scuba diving a lot till about 8 years ago, i loved it but lost a friend and quit before it was too late.
i get on better with older people, always have, my dp is 50 this year, maybe thats why i think we would get on well.

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