Things you never thought you would hear yourself say before having children...

[Bumperlicioso]

I was at the park on Saturday and there were two woman and their little boys playing together. One of the boys came up to his mum and I heard her say 'Don't worry darling, you can be the skunk...'

What did you never think you would hear yourself say?

Ok then dd I'll be shrek and daddy will be donkey (of course she had to be princess fiona)!

'Get out of the washing machine darling.'

"Well why on earth did you put your finger up there then"

"For the love if God will you stop spinning my bra"

will you just try and be patient

"Take that out of your mouth,dd,you can't eat Mummy's Tampons!"(unused I hasten to add)

"Push down really hard and it WILL come in the end" (To a constipated,tearful ds!)

"Leave ds willy alone,dd" (tO DD in bath when she realised he brother had some anatomical differences to her)

"NO, you can't watch Ben 10,its 5 in the flipping morning,too early!" (Yesterday morning)

(I pick up the phone and dial 1471) "Hello can I speak with Father Christmas please? Oh that's a shame, could you tell him that xxx's mum called. I'll try again later. How are things going, by the way? I imagine you must both be very busy at the moment...", etc.

(I put down phone and turn to DH) Father Christmas's wife sounds really nice. I had a good chat with her.

'WHY did you just run headfirst into the door?!!!'

'Get OFF my nipple!'

I have phoned Father Christmas on many times also having a very long talk about xmas cakes and puddings with Mother Christmas and how sorry i was that Father Christmas would have to miss out on mince pies as the dc's had been naughty,

'if you keep picking your nose, your brains will fall out' to ds1,

'please do not come off the potty until you put treasure in there for me' to dd1 when she refused to poo anywhere she was about 3 at the time.

"This house is not a hotel"

"Money doesn't grow on trees"

(I am my mother!)

'Don't drink the bath water!'

PMSL
'Get OFF my nipple' has become a regular shout here too along with 'no boob until bedtime' I really look forward to weaning her off them.

Don't put the 'e' on your willy

Wow, what an amazing poo

'You can have the chocolate lolly pop when you've done a poo in the potty. And I don't mean one of those little rabbit poops, I mean a proper big one.'

Yes, we are in potty training hell still..... and I can't believe I am bribing dd with chocolate

'No we don't play with parts of dead people, it's not considered nice' After seeing stuffed animals in a museum.

'When you have your own home I'm going to come round for dinner and push it round the plate with a sneer on MY face and see how you like THAT!!'

'Don't eat the sand'

'Don't eat the cat food'

'Don't eat the cat's tail, he doesn't like it'

'Yes, I am listening to your iPod story'

I feel I should point out that 1) and 5) refer to ds1, who at 13 has, thankfully, passed the stage that ds2 is at (i.e 2,3 and 4)

Oh no, you've got daddy's dirty pants on your head AGAIN!

Gosh loads and loads of things

"Wow Legoland is amazing lets buy an annual pass"

"Youre right darling mummy's dont have willys"

"Look a train, a train, choo choo"

'Get your head out of the catflap'. (to DS, 11 months - he has muppet tendencies).

'What a clever girl hiding mummy's car keys, now can you be really clever and show me where they are? No? How about if I give you a magic button when we find them?'

'did you really think she was going to think that throwing her baby into the strawberry plants was funny'

'Just bloody hurry up!'

"Nits. Oh well..."

(as opposed to "NITS! Eurgh, yuck!")

Yes dear you can have a brain flannel tonight if you like