Things you never thought you would hear yourself say before having children...

[Bumperlicioso]

I was at the park on Saturday and there were two woman and their little boys playing together. One of the boys came up to his mum and I heard her say 'Don't worry darling, you can be the skunk...'

What did you never think you would hear yourself say?

Well, if you fall off there and break your leg, don't come crying to me...

hiya

Lol Clemette, I can add to that

"just get in the bloody car ! " - regular morning thing

'Ooh look, lorry!; Red car, big red car, ooh another lorry' ad infinitum - even when kids aren't in the car

dp- "has she poo'ed today?" (dd3 suffered from constipation as a baby)

me-"oh yes it was.....* cue long rambling detailed account of childs poo.

Oh how exciting my life has become

'What did you eat for lunch today?'

(I used to hate this question when I was a kid!)

4andnotout - there is a lot of poo talk in our house:

Dh: Mummy! Come and look at this!
(Dh holds potty triumphantly)
Me: Oh wow it's MASSIVE, ENORMOUS. Well done!

'Have you got a big poo in your pants?'

(Why is it always a big poo, never a little one? You never get sharts while your child is in nappies do you? )

More about poo:

'ohh, that's a good poo, is it floating or has it sunk?'

Cheerfully and reassuringly: "It's okay, it's only sick/weewee/poo, we all do it sometimes, stand still while mummy cleans it up!"

"Yes my name is iggle piggle. Iggle piggle wiggle niggle piiiiiiggle......"

'C'mon, spit it out, give it to mummy. Good girl.'

'Come here till I pick that big snot out of your nose.'

'no, no, mummy hold her iPhone. Alright then but don't drop...feck'

'Pip pip onk onk'

An amazing number or poo references! It's a charmed life isn't it?

We've also had 'No darling, the dolly show don't fit on Iggle Piggle, there's no point crying about it, there's nothing I can do'

'Ooh have you lost your tickle, let's see if we can find it - ooh there it is look running under your arm, let's catch it'.

"I'm sorry darling you have to get out of the bath once you've poo'ed in it"

"oo well done" (in reponse to enormous burp by baby)

"If you can squeeze out a poo [in your potty] you can have a square of chocolate" (I was not going to resort to bribery - tcha right!)

the poo discussions with DH (never thought I'd do that!)

bribing with biscuits/chocolate - that was always going to be a no-no as well

referring to myself as mummy when DS isn't there!

the reality of having children really brings you down to earth with a bump, doesn't it!

thumbwitch - yes but it's okay, we generally have more padded bottoms to land on

"why have you dropped your trousers and are wriggling your bottom at your brother?"

"Don't climb onto the windowsill"

"Don't throw the rhinocerous at daddy!"

And many other poo related stuff already mentioned

While standing on the side of the road holding a dandelion "hello, I'm a thirsty flower and I would be soooo happy if you would do a wee on me" (ds2 had a real issue with doing a wee without a toilet when he was first toilet trained - we were on the motorway and he was desperate to go....nuff said!!!)

"We'll see" in answer to questions from DC's - my parents used to drive me mad with it and I SWORE I'd never say it to mine

"when you have your own house, you can make your own rules but until then you'll abide by mine"

"I am not your slave"

"If you're that bored you can go and tidy your bedroom...."

....like a Previous poster I too am turning into my mother!!!

SG

supagirl your dandelion has just made me laugh so much I nearly sicked up my dinner!

I have resorted to some pretty bizarre things to bribe/coax/force a wee or poo out of DS1, but I never thought of that... (makes mental note for DS2)

"if you like the rules in your friends house GO LIVE THERE!" to 13 yr dd

"I hope you know how to flip burgers cos Mcdonalds is the only place you'll work" to 9 yr ds who didn't want to do reading or home work

"Do you know the cost of molton brown bath products?" to dd3 as she made a potion........a treat from my pre mum days when i had stupid money.
How much is this going to cost me in therapy in years to come

I love Mumsnet for this kind of stuff, makes me feel so much better. LOL
I have felt like a midwife sometimes as DS sits on the toilet, " Just PUSH"

"Please put that duck down" although he wasn't on the toilet then

" I do have a degree you know" to DD aged 6 months after clearing up again.

"Didn't you see the piano before you ran into it?"

"There's a giggle in your ear..."

"I am not the laundry maid!"

"when did you last change your underwear?"

The joys of teenage boys!