Things you never thought you would hear yourself say before having children...

[Bumperlicioso]

I was at the park on Saturday and there were two woman and their little boys playing together. One of the boys came up to his mum and I heard her say 'Don't worry darling, you can be the skunk...'

What did you never think you would hear yourself say?

[WhiteWineAndJaffaCakes]

"yes we'll go outside in a minute but mummy needs to go and have a wee first" in a rather too loud voice in a supermarket.

[PrettyCandles]

Several times a day, when I'm in the bathroom or loo:

"In or out, but shut the door."

I've given up any idea that I might defend my right to privacy.

[CrochetDiva]

"No, DS, you cannot take the Alien baby to church"

"DS, don't hit your sister on the head with her baby. It makes her cross" - said in a surprisingly calm voice!

[Iklboo]

Look with your eyes not your hands!
Don't let dog eat off your plate
I don't want to see your bum/willy again thank you

[Miamla]

this thread's great!

DP had the cheek to reply "we'll see" to a serious question I'd asked him! I just laughed at him and told him there was no way that was going to work with me!

[ChesneyIsNotTheOneAndOnly]

'I'm on the toilet'

'Just..PUT. IT. ON.'

'stop reading'
(said to dreamy dd, when trying to get ready for school)

[Walkingwiththighosaurs]

Please go and brush your teeth.....please can you go and brush your teeth.........please, please go and brush your TEETH!!

[muppetsmum]

'Mind the baby's head with that pick-axe' - to 2 year old dd running towards newborn while waving pink plastic toy from gardening set which looks like a pick-axe (before anyone calls social services!)

[Meemah]

'Yes dear, Father Christmas does drive a red mini'

'Don't put your sister in the bin again'

'Farmer Pickles grew these peas especially for you so JUST EAT THEM'

'Don't pull the snail out of his shell. It makes him a bit sad'

[Bettymum]

Right then darling let's have lovely home cooked organic veggies chocolate cake for our tea, shall we?

From someone that swore blind that sugar would never pass her child's lips until said child was at least five .

[MaggieBee]

Wrinkly tum, your tampon story reminded me of when my son used to be fascinated by panty liners. I was about to get into bed one night and I peel back the cover and there were about 15 panty liners stuck to the sheet. He'd made the bed really neatly afterwards though.

[HecatesTwopenceworth]

Ah. I see we've already done the poo related stuff.

[surplus to requirements emoticon]

[fleacircus]

I refer to myself in the third person, like an American rapper or an East End gangster. It's very embarrassing but I can't seem to stop.

[melmog]

"stop hitting Hannah with a hammer"
"you are such a good pooer"
"where did you find that sausage?"
shall we go to the yellow park or the blue park?"

[melmog]

Oh yes, and
"we don't put daffodils in the plug sockets do we"

[southlundon]

Said to DH:
"Arrrrgh ds has just rolled off the sofa!"

I swore that would never happen to me

[HobbitWife]

"Stop licking the baby!" - said to my almost-fifteen-year-old just last weekend.

"You're not going out dressed in that!" shades of my mother...

"No, it isn't made of cats." Looking at packaging in the kitchen with pre-schoolers.

"No, we are not going to dig up your hamster that died six months ago so you can play Time Team." Do I need to explain?

[GinGirl]

I am crying with laughter...

There is nothing like a thread like this one after a bad day, it makes me realise that I am a normal mother!

[MogTheForgetfulCat]

ROFL at "Don't pull the snail out of his shell. It makes him a bit sad." Priceless .

[jojoryser]

If you eat all your chips then you can have an icecream

[Miggsie]

Stop kissing the cat.

Yes, if your head is bitten off you die.

Dead people don't come back to life.

Well, yes, apart from Jesus: I was actually referring to Granny...

Take all those ice cubes out of your mouth.

The ladybird is sitting on top of the other ladybird because they want to be friends.

Why do you want to sleep in the dog bed?

[gibbberish]

My answer to endless questions - 'Just Because!'

[Miggsie]

Stop poking that slug.

Put those woodlice DOWN!

Put the earwig back where you found it.

Stag beetles don't eat your hair.

Take that frog back where you got it, he looks ill.

[Bumperlicioso]

Sniggering into my white wine here while DH rolls his eyes! Especially at Meemah's gems

[streakybacon]

At the theatre booking office:
"Can I have two tickets to see the Chuckle Brothers please?"
How did it come to this?