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Original poster

DD 10 has been looking at porn.

120 replies

taxiservice · 19/04/2009 00:25

I'm devastated. She did an innocent search after dh had downloaded a new browser (mozilla). Found out she has been looking at horrible stuff.

OP posts:
MrBoombastic · 20/04/2009 15:40

I know what I did with your mumsnatch, but that's another matter entirely.

BitOfFun · 20/04/2009 15:41

Really? I must have been asleep then, or perhaps your weiner is just abnormally small?

MissGordon · 20/04/2009 15:42

The only one who has entered the twilight zone here is the topic-starters daugher.

And of course MrBoombastic, who seems to have been residing in the twilight zone for a long time now.

MissGordon · 20/04/2009 15:43

How dare you compare me to that monster, Kay!?

MrBoombastic · 20/04/2009 15:44

Mr. Boombastic
What you want is some boombastic romantic fantastic lover
Shaggy
Mr. Lover lover, Mr. Lover lover, girl, Mr. Lover lover, Mr. Lover lover
She call me Mr. Boombastic say me fantastic, touch me on me butt
she say I'm Mr. Ro...mantic
call me fantastic, touch me on me butt she say
I'm Mr.ro... Smooth just like silk
Soft and coddle hug me up like a quilt
I'm a lyrical lover no take me for no filth
With my sexual physique Jah know me well built
Oh me oh my well well can't you tell
I'm just like a turtle crawling out of my shell
Gal you captivate my body put me under a spell
With your cus cus perfume I love your sweet smell
You are the only underage girl who can ring my bell
And I can take rejection so you tell me go to hell

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 20/04/2009 15:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

beanieb · 20/04/2009 15:46

I first saw porn when I was 7. It was actually the cartoon porn that I remembered most and I found it inthe middle of a bush in a very remote area. I always smile when I hear the manic street preachers lyric "My idea of love comes from A childhood glimpse of pornography"... wasn't really my first idea of love but I remeber thinking it was all a bit strange. it was cartoony and bondage based.

I think I found it weird at the time but not enough to obsess over it or to ask any adults. I knew what sex was by then anyway so it didn't really come as a shock to see nakedness.
I imagine that the kind of porn you couls accidentally come across on the internet wouldn't be as tame as the stuff I saw through my childhood years but I have to agree with some posters and say pretending it is something other than it is is certainly not the best thing to do.

there are some truly barking posters on this thread though, are you all Alters!?

MissGordon · 20/04/2009 15:46

Dear God, please let this man (I sure hope it is not a woman!) go to the place he deserves to be.

BitOfFun · 20/04/2009 15:46

Inset day, innit?

MorningTownRide · 20/04/2009 15:48

Are you having a funny turn Mr Boomtastic?

The mid 90s are oooooooover

KayHarkerInTheBackOfTheQuattro · 20/04/2009 15:49

BoF, clearly. You don't get quite the class of troll that you used to, do you?

MorningTownRide · 20/04/2009 15:50

Boombastic

MrBoombastic · 20/04/2009 15:50

If you want to even out your child due to the horrifying nature of the pornographic images they've witnessed, I recommend showing them goatse, it's very calm and soothing, about a young goat who finds his way in this corrupted world and eventually finds love and tranquility in life.

PMSLBrokeMN · 20/04/2009 15:54

yeah, DD loves the goatse story!

cory · 21/04/2009 09:11

Ignoring mrBoombastic (schools are supposed to be back this week!), I'd say that it's a bad idea to treat your child like a precious antique vase who will somehow not be the same if she is damaged. I mean yes, some children do get damaged by persistent sexual abuse, but a one-off incident like this, even if it does give you bad thoughts, won't change the whole person she is.

I was frightened at about the same age as her, both by a man exposing himself on the street and by a rather more threatening experience. Yes, I was scared, yes some bad thoughts did persist for a while, but it didn't mean I couldn't go on to enjoy years of the happiness we associate with childhood innocence. Childhood is a far more complex experience than we give it credit for. You can know about bad things and still enjoy good things.

But if you treat your dd as if something has irretrievably changed her, then that is how she will feel. And that would be really sad.

branflake81 · 21/04/2009 11:49

I think you're over reacting a little.

It's just sex and at 10, well - she's growing up and I really don't think it's the end of the world.

Obviously it's not ideal but she's seen it now. Maybe you could use it as spring board for discussions about it and how she feels?

Alishanty · 21/04/2009 15:23

We found out that sd (12) had been actively searching the internet for things like this. Ok she is a bit older than your dd but they do start to get curious about these things as they hit puberty. We just said I know you are curious but don't want to find out you have been looking at things like this again on our computer. So far she hasn't. Maybe set up some kind of parental control.

onebatmother · 21/04/2009 16:20

Jeezum. A 10 year old seeing bukkake and an old man fucking a teen, and you're all saying Oh no harm done?

I really don't think it's fine. I would really be wanting to explain to my child that one of the things about porn is that it often doesn't treat women well, but that real sex isn't like that. I'd be very concerned about her horrible thoughts.

Really, all you porn evangelists are sticking your fingers in your ears and going la-la-la - has anyone read the descriptions on your average mainstream free porn site recently, let alone seen the images? "Bitch gags on cum/tight teen gets ripped by huge dick/black whore gets her just desserts/deep throat vomit" etc.

SGB "Because to get to anything more specialised, I would have thought you generally have to know the key terms to google it."

Surely you know that's not true. The categories section of any porn site is frequently also the home page, so extreme stuff is v accessible. Most, these days, don't consider fisting, bukkake and pain to be particularly extreme, so they are in the general bit, or sometimes have their own category (illustrated by image) on main page.

dittany · 21/04/2009 19:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cory · 21/04/2009 20:13

We are not all porn evangelists onebat just because we warn someone against viewing her child as having lost her innocence forever from having caught sight of some.

I personally hate porn. I also hate men exposing themselves to young children.

But I do think it is a mother's job to stay calm so as not to make a child's experiences even more scary. The thing about lost innocence can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Doesn't mean I don't think she would have been better off not seeing this website. But what has been done has been done: the OPs job is damage limitation.

boredwithmyoldname · 21/04/2009 20:21

Our son was exposed to some very graphic porn by another child when he was about seven. I think he has blocked it. We had had no "talks" by that time and just dismissed it as something weird horrible people put on the computer. We told him it had nothing to do with him, or us, and it shouldn't ever be looked at by children, and he hadn't done anything wrong.

I don't think it was wrong to say it was horrible and weird.. I think that was needed at the time.

I'm just saying this to give you reassurance. We dismissed it as something ghastly and he needed to know it was ghastly and that he didn't have to think about it. Talking it through about what some people do and enjoy would have made it play on his mind even more.

I'm sure he remembers, or would remember if it ever came up. But as a child he just needed to know it was nothing to do with him or our lives and that was that.

onebatmother · 21/04/2009 20:31

Cory, you're quite right, I should have been more specific. It wasn't 'all'. But I think htat those who recommend downplaying what has happened to the OP's dd run are effectively doing the same thing.

Personally I don't buy into the idea of innocent/not innocent (innocence is a bit of a loaded word tbh, and has been semi-sexualized already I think)

I do think, though, that while I wouldn't express what has happened to the OP's dd as a 'loss of innocence', she is right to take it very seriously and that actually, being bright and breezy about it is NOT the right way to go about it.

The world of porn, as it exists at the moment, is a deeply scary place, if you actually look at it with a clear eye; for a 10 year old you can multiply that by whatever.

She will be struggling with what she has seen, which could quite poss make her very anxious about her own developing sexual feelings, and she may well be feeling that the 'result' of those sexual feelings would be the kind of sex she sees portrayed in porn: ie sex which involves one party exerting power or control over another (I really don't just mean s/m stuff, obv, just the basic 'yeah, bitch, you love it' stuff).

If it were me I would really want to talk to her about that.

boredwithmyoldname · 21/04/2009 20:35

not talking about it in immense detail is not "downplaying" it

aged seven is different to aged ten however ..but if she doesn't want to talk about it I wouldn't tease it out of her

counselling after trauma doesn't always resolve the issue and sometimes can turn it into a bigger issue

sprogger · 21/04/2009 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

onebatmother · 21/04/2009 20:43

No, you don't need to tease it out of her. But you need to make some statements which will allow her to process what she has seen.

The very worst thing would be for it to be 'not talkable about', and adults are the only ones who make that so/not so. Taxiservice's dd might choose not to talk, but TS needs to do some talking to show her dd that if she does want to talk, TS will not be horrified.

IMO she should also show that she 'knows' authoritatively about porn and what it is;and should make some value judgements about it. Because I think her daughter will need some direction.

It needs to be along the lines of 'sex is great, and feels lovely, but this is NOT sex'.