Having sex in the same room as dds................heeeeeeelp

[namechangedbutaregularmnetter]

Brief history...

I split with Dh 7 months ago, he is in a one bed premises, he has a girlfriend.

My dds spend 3 nights a week with him.
He has a double bed and a set of bunkbeds in the bedroom.
My ex is having sex with his gf while the dds are hopefully asleep.
DD2 discovered a used condom this am.
DDs are not happy with situation...have talked to him.

I have just spoken to him...apparently i am not being 'grown up' about it.

I feel sick, i have step daughters and respected their privacy at all times...
and now i'm going to rant...
feck i need a smoke...and i'm giving up....

hmmm...anyhoo....heeelp

Well done OP on speaking to NSPCC - glad they thought the SS advice was wrong (wish SS hadn't given it).
And if referrals are starting then the wheels are in motion.

Their father had a chance to sort it and failed so i hope the weight of various authorities will land on him like a ton of bricks!

(still can't ever imagine having sex with my older DCs in the room in the first place, he is a tosser!)

I'm really glad you got some good advice from NSPCC but can i just say i really think the issue isn't just with the GF its the sleeping arrangements.

Your girls are there 3 nights of the week that means that they don't have a private space on those days thats nearly half the week. I bet they would be mortified if there friends at school found out.I am currently house hunting and i have 2 dc. I can't imagine thinking a place with one bedroom was suitable as i'm sure you wouldn't so why is it acceptable for single dads to. I would be stopping visits until he found a more suitable place to have 2 girls.

Good Luck with it all, I know it seems like an uphill struggle but your girls will thank you in the end.

Thankyou all for your support, and yes, perhaps i needed a kick up the arse.
You have all helped to keep me strong, this has been a shite shite time.

He is aware of the trouble he is in.
I have control of the situation.

I never ever thought that this would happen and still can't quite believe the situation.

So thanks to all.
I am going to contact SS again to complain about the response from the duty team member.

T you are quite a strong person and you can get through this.Well done for taking action.yes i too would complain about ss response to you,its unbelievable.What a horrible thing to have to sort out.

Just stumbled across this thread and am absolutely gobsmacked that he can possibly have been thinking there wasn't an issue here!!! What planet is he on? And her, for that matter.
Glad you're finally getting responses and action from the powers-that-be.
I would have hit the roof if I'd found myself in your position. Well done for dealing with it and not allowing him to brow-beat you into agreeing that this was acceptable.

< takes boot out of namechanged's arse >

you sound stronger Op, and I am glad to see it

That is not on. He should not be having sex with his GF if your DDs are in the bedroom/

T, complain as hard and as loudly as you can. SS soundlike they need a kick up the arse and your ex needs a kick in the balls!

Do you know, even the thought of this has traumatised me, and I'm a darn sight older than your DDs!

Still that your ex tried the wheeze of saying it was none of your business!

T put it to him how he would feel if the situation was reversed and you were at it with dd,s in the room ,would he think that was acceptable ? i think not.

I am a social worker, and am really shocked to see this thread on here. Having sex infront of children is one of biggest markers for sexual abuse, and can form a basis of sexualising them. I can see on this thread you have obviously taken steps OP, and i cant believe that the duty social worker did not take it seriously, by rights ss should have called the police. To be honest, i wouldnt let the children near him until the authorities have been involved, as this could have a darker edge to it. maybe its colouring my view usually the cases ive been involved in start off like this and lead onto other things. Please dont be complicit in this, and dont let your children near him until ss or the police have straightened things out. If it was my own child i probably still wouldnt after this, but think my working life eats into what i would and wouldnt put up with. Best wishes xx

Thankyou. It has been taken seriously now.
All the people that need to know need to know.
I however am banging my head against a brick wall with ex.
I have had enough.
I am at the lowest point i have ever been.

There's no need to bang your head against a brick wall, simply cease all communication. Your children cannot visit his flat until he gets proper arrangements sorted out. If he gets a solicitor involved tell them you consider your children at risk of sexual abuse. I'd like to see the judge who would take his side. No one would. Be strong. Don't give in.

namechanged, whetever is the problem?

how is your ex behaving?

can we help you make sense of it?

I think you have serious grounds for stopping contact. Presumably your girls don't want to go anyway.

namechanged you are doing everything you can and showing your DDs that when it comes to something important like this you won't just let it go or back down. Good for you.
Why are you banging your head against a brick wall with your ex? Hasn't it gone beyond that stage now - does he not realise things have to change or he will be in deep shit?!

Can't be arsed to namechange again.
Thankyou all.
He is moving to a bigger house

He is telling me that he is going for full custody...that i have blown things out of proportion...that i am not ALLOWED to move away...that i am damaging our children.

He is cruel and manipulative.

Was ready to give up this pm, completely mentally exhausted.

Have been speaking to my family in spain {and other wonderful people], and have mustered up my strength.

I am going to fight all the way and he will be sorry he didn't listen.

he stands no chance talcs, honestly

dont give up talcy, you know he is in the wrong

he is just trying to bully you

much love to you x

Yep...i'm going the whole hog now.
My dad is going to help out with solicitors fees.
He said that i cannot move out of the area and if i did he would seek custody.

He said that he would withdraw consent to sell our house to keep us here.

I swing from being exhausted to angry.

You lot have been so empowering... thankyou.

if this dickhead had been reasonable in the 1st place, it wouldn't have come to this

are your girls still visiting overnight?

what have SS said?

Thankyou x

Talcy- he stands no chance. You have done all you can at the moment to safeguard your dc and the law will see that.
I hope beyond all hope that the courts slap a supervised visits only on him, and see how the bastard likes that.
Take a couple of days to regather your strength and energy and then let the bastard have it with both barrels.