Having sex in the same room as dds................heeeeeeelp

[namechangedbutaregularmnetter]

Brief history...

I split with Dh 7 months ago, he is in a one bed premises, he has a girlfriend.

My dds spend 3 nights a week with him.
He has a double bed and a set of bunkbeds in the bedroom.
My ex is having sex with his gf while the dds are hopefully asleep.
DD2 discovered a used condom this am.
DDs are not happy with situation...have talked to him.

I have just spoken to him...apparently i am not being 'grown up' about it.

I feel sick, i have step daughters and respected their privacy at all times...
and now i'm going to rant...
feck i need a smoke...and i'm giving up....

hmmm...anyhoo....heeelp

tbh I wasn't even comfortable doing it when ds was newborn. It just didn't feel right.

The legal bit sounds ve confusing, but tbh the quote that if a child is there and able to observe bit to me sounds as if it is illegal to have sex in front of children old enough to observe the act and comprehend. That's what I'd be telling the ex anyway..

If this was my dh I wouldn't be allowing my children to stay there, and I would be contacting social services, given that there is another minor in the flat as well who could quite possibly also be being exposed to this.

Oh dear.... not good.

Can you stop contact until he sorts something out? THe simple fact that the DDs don;t like it should be enough.

Blimey...thanks for all your responses.

I phoned SS earlier and spoke to the out of hours team.

I was told....

The situation is not ideal, bu as long as the children are not witnessing sexual activity there is not much that can be done.

The children need to speak to their father about it.

If i do not allow them to visit i could end up in court, and if he is not breaking the law then i will lose.

do you know if they have witnessed sexual activity?

How do you know that he and this woman are having sex when the children are in the room?

That doesn't sound right to me...can you get a free half hour with a family lawyer? Or post this in legal to get a better idea?

Apparently i need to give him the opportunity to sort the situation out.

I have spoken to my girls and told them to tell daddy how they feel [they feel awkward about this] so that he has a chance to put it right.

He says that he loves his children and that he would never want to damage them.

He needs to speak to them and understand what they want and need....instead of thinking of himself.

DD2 found a used condom yesterday morning.

He took it away from her...ahem, failing to tell her to wash her hands!

He has told me that he is having sex whilst tthey are asleep.
DDs knew, and feel uncomfortable.

I am angry that he has put his own needs first. I don't want it to become a huge issue for the children, so i hope they can talk some sense into him.

He will lose out in the end, the children are saying today that they don't want to see daddy anymore, and that's truly not what i want.

Dittany, i said that to the social worker! I stated that as the parents surely it was up to us to maintain a healthy and safe environment.

She said that if it was the other way round, i would expect the oppurtunity to work things out with my children!

I also stated that i would never bring a boyfriend into my girl's bedroom and have sex!

She thinks i am making the situatio n worse

ffs

now i'm again

sorry for typos and terrible spelling!

I'm going to wait until after monday.....then see what happens.

That's a fucking disgraceful response!

Am at the SS. No-one in their right mind should be suggesting the kids broker a deal about this. ffs.

I despair

"Whoever answered the phone at social services sounds like they just don't want another case to deal with" that's a bit unfair tbh. They have told the OP what the law states and they have warned her that stopping the contact would not work in her favour. They are correct to say the father needs to be made aware that the children are uncomfortable but I don't think it's right that the children have to be the ones who speak to the ex. The OP should speak to the ex and explain what the law states and what SS have advised.

If he is a reasonable person then he won't want to cause distress for his children.

Yes... pretty fecking gobsmacked here too.

Will contact NSPCC after monday if things are no better.

PS if he is in one bed premises does this mean he does have a sitting room? Could the children tell him they would rather sleep in the sitting room?

I have spoken to him beanieb, and he was much calmer, he does still feel that it is not my concern, but i explained that if our children speak to me about something he is doing, then it becomes my business.

Hopefully he will make it right.

GF 15 year old son in lounge.

The problem is, SS have said there is no problem unless they witness sex.

It's a bit late then, i don't want them to go through months of unease and then catch their dad 'at it'.

That is just so wrong...NASTY NASTY NASTY

Tell him he will not get to see his children if he can not refrain from screwing his girlfriend while they are in the same room