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Gave biting boy marmite "medicine"

243 replies

Flamesparrow · 16/03/2009 17:40

I'm not going to traumatise him for life am I?

He hated it before, just seemed a good way to make him connect that doing bad stuff with his mouth makes bad things happen to his mouth.

Many tears and apologies!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
cory · 19/03/2009 11:30

seeker on Thu 19-Mar-09 08:47:23
"And actually, I wouldn't force my child to take medicine unless it was really vital. I have seen people forcing calpol into a struggling child - my view is that a child well enough to fight that hard can't need calpol that much.

And any wound that was so serious that it needed cleaning right that minute and couldn't wait for bath time, or a calm moment in front of the TV, or even once they've gone to sleep should surely be at A and E?"

Seeker I understand what you are saying and I actually do agree about the marmite. I wouldn't have done it either. I don't think it's necessary and I've known some quite violent children in my day.

But with the medicine- I have actually lived for many years with a child who had to have certain types of treatment and who would go absolutely hysterical. I wouldn't usually do it with Calpol (though you'd be suprised at how hard some children can fight even with a very high fever). If I had left dd until she felt like doing things, she would almost certainly not be able to walk by now. Waiting for A&E wouldn't solve the problem- she was quite capable of going hysterical in A&E. I have had to restrain dd for injections and blood tests that simply had to be done. Because I've done it a lot I am often calmer than the nurses.

A wound that has soil in it needs cleaning even if it is not A&E material. And neither of my children would stay asleep or remain calm in front of the telly once I started cleaning a wound.

charliegal · 19/03/2009 11:57

I agree with everything obm has said.

It is a horrible thing to do and the 'gleeful' tone of the earliest posts was strange.

Seeker is right, the people who defend/advocate physical punishments always have the same examples re sockets, traffic etc.

Anyone with a toddler faces the same 'dangers' and believe me, many of us do not resort to 'tapping', smacking or any other physical punishment.

These kinds of punishments teach pain or fear or whatever but not really anything about why biting it wrong.

I have a biter too, btw.

MrsMerryHenry · 19/03/2009 12:01

Flamesparrow, you're a genius. I'm going to try the malt vinegar thing for my tot when he hits me.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

LeninGrad · 19/03/2009 12:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flamesparrow · 19/03/2009 12:31

But Lenin - what about the other child whilst he is learning about his emotions? She is getting hurt and seeing mummy as punishing her for things and not him.

He can sort his emotions to his heart's content when it is just aimed at me.

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mrsruffallo · 19/03/2009 12:32

Shouting can be very effective used in small doses.

mrsruffallo · 19/03/2009 12:34

The older one can see you telling him off-no one's saying don't do anything.
How does the marmite thing help her?

Flamesparrow · 19/03/2009 12:34

He just at me and carries on. I think his volume levels got messed up with very loud DD during the pregnancy

Psycho shouting this morning worked though when he was trying to "help" the rabbits move round the garden with a shovel

OP posts:
Flamesparrow · 19/03/2009 12:38

atm it helps her because she has been bite free since Monday. The marmite itself was more about just trying to stop it with a quick shock rather than as a long term thing - was hoping if I could do one shock as a complete answer then it would make the repetitive ineffective methods we've been trying unnecessary (does that make sense?).

DD is too black and white to grasp that what happens for her doesn't always happen to the rest of the world. Him being 3 years younger doesn't register, things working for him in different ways to her doesn't register. I dunno if that is the same for all children her age or an AS thing.

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mrsruffallo · 19/03/2009 12:59

I have the same age gap and older girl , younger 'spirited' boy so I do sympathise and I know the older ones can get a raw deal at times.

LeninGrad · 19/03/2009 12:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsruffallo · 19/03/2009 13:02

I was going on to say...
However, I do think that encouraging them to recognise and vocalise their emotions does help, and I really don't see the point in punishment other than in very severe circumstances. I don't even think that naughty corner would work for me.
It's all about explaining and consistency

LeninGrad · 19/03/2009 13:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JaneSeymour · 19/03/2009 13:12

Psycho I'm sure you're being kind defending her but I'd rather have the argument, if there is one, with the OP.

Flame, if he is attacking his sister, I think you need to step in and separate them.

I'm not sure why nobody seems to have suggested that already.

I hope he stops soon.

JaneSeymour · 19/03/2009 13:13

Isolating has been mentioned, I think literally keeping them apart for a while whenever it looks likely, would work better

probably
though not easy option by any means. I am pretty rubbish with mine sometimes and not judging you for it if that helps.

missyhissey · 19/03/2009 13:53

I think you did the right thing flame, just ignore the usual suspects with the handwringing and hysteria.

You know your child best, sometimes you have to do things that are not from the perfect parenting manual, but if it works and sorts the problem I think you're doin okay.

Flamesparrow · 19/03/2009 13:54

They flip from playing happily to killing each other in a split second. It is just "normal" sibling stuff, but with teeth iyswim.

Psycho is stepping in because she knows I am still not well, and should probably not be getting myself all shrieky at a computer.

OP posts:
JaneSeymour · 19/03/2009 14:03

She is probably right.

LeninGrad · 19/03/2009 14:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

psychomum5 · 19/03/2009 15:31

I am not being 'kind', I am being a friend, and backing her up, as I know what he is like, what her family is like, and more importantly, how her DD is reacting to it all, none of you lot do.

also, however much you (onebatmother in particular) might say that you know what it is like as you too have had a boter/spirited child/tantruming toddler etc, it is still not exactly like flames DS.

trillian pointed out that I cannot qualify myself as using the abuse arguement just becuase I lived with it and suffered it as a child. if I cannot use that in my arguement, none of you lot can use your examples either!!

oh, and as for the smacking issue seeker, I only ever used it once with each of mine, and none did that particular thing again. I am not a smacker, but they know I mean it if I state that A + B = C when they are playing up.

I did ask them last night if they could ever remember me smacking them. none of them can, but they do remember me shouting, and each have said that they can drwon me out now if they so wish, so shouting is actually less effective (IMVHO).the smacking once worked, hasn;t traumatised them, and they are learly not scarred by it. That does NOT mean BTW tho, that I am advocating smacking, it just means that my way of raising my children is working well for me.

your ways are working for you (I assume seeing as many of you are critisising flame).

flames are working for her.

that does not mean she doesn;t feel guilty about it tho..........she does. But her guilt for not protecting her DD from the bleeding bites is bigger, and could potentialy be worse for her.

and not stopping the biting would definately be worse for flamechick!

Tortington · 19/03/2009 15:45

it's just marmite ffs.

Tortington · 19/03/2009 15:48

my mum used to give me a spoon full of molasses ( for hair and nail growth apparently) it was vile.

she also gave me vitamins - PUKE -i didn't want them either.

i am completely traumatised by these events. and cant eat, play pool, or drink alcohol. of all the things my wierdo mother did in her life i shall always remember her forcing me to take vitamins.

i wish someone had called social services actually - its destroyed my life.

JaneSeymour · 19/03/2009 15:50

'I am not being 'kind', I am being a friend, and backing her up, as I know what he is like, what her family is like, and more importantly, how her DD is reacting to it all, none of you lot do.'

So I'm left wondering what exactly the point of the thread was.
Why didn't she just ask you?

Tortington · 19/03/2009 15:51

she should of just asked me. i am right in most things quite frankly.

Flamesparrow · 19/03/2009 16:15

The "point" of the thread?

There was no point.

Day from hell, had enough of the biting, did something, posted about it in a vague scale of 1-10 evilness ponderingment (really just expecting replies of "I did this and it did sod all but this worked etc") and it turned into some giant debate.

A lot of my threads have no point.

My conversations in general don't often have one, I get too distracted by shiny things midway.

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