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Gave biting boy marmite "medicine"

243 replies

Flamesparrow · 16/03/2009 17:40

I'm not going to traumatise him for life am I?

He hated it before, just seemed a good way to make him connect that doing bad stuff with his mouth makes bad things happen to his mouth.

Many tears and apologies!

OP posts:
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bringonthetrumpets · 17/03/2009 20:01

okay, in defense of flamesparrow what else do you suggest to stop the biting?

just let him keep it up? not teach him the ways of right and wrong?

would you rather he gets smacked? i don't think violence is the correct answer.

sorry, but just saying "oh sweetie, please stop doing that" doesn't work after a while. they have to learn lessons some how!

AitchTwoOh · 17/03/2009 20:06

temper temper.

Gemzooks · 17/03/2009 20:07

well, do you get like 150 different nasty physical punishments and line them up for the child, like if you pull hair putting peanut butter in it, or if they grab something spitting on their hand or whatever? Yes, they understand physical stuff like that, and it might stop them doing it, but it is not teaching them not to do it for the right reasons, and imo it is bordering on abusive, certainly potentially traumatic.

my son is 2.5 and perfectly capable of understanding why he shouldn't bite someone. that doesn't mean he doesn't do naughty things or occasionally hit other children, but he knows it's wrong because we tell him sternly so, explain why, stop him doing it and look very disapproving, and yes, that is enough to put him off doing most things like that, especially 'grade one' things like biting or hitting.

He learns that you don't do it, with the explanation reinforced. I wouldn't be against punishing by saying 'because you've just bitten that boy, we're going straight home or you can't have an ice cream or whatever', or punishing at home by removing a toy for a given period, or time out or whatever, but not something nasty done forcibly to the child. The more I think about it, the more upsetting it is...

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Pepa · 17/03/2009 20:13

Personally I don't agree to me its not really a logical consequence of biting plus as previous posters have said if he dosen't cooperate you're not going to be able to physically force him to open his mouth.

I have a similar situation with my 3 yr DS and I'm finding the natural consequence of "other people don't want to play with little boys that bite" more effective, plus the good old "use your words" pap.

Befre we go into a potential "biting" (i.e. any playdate!)sitaution we talk about what to do when he is frustrated and I reiterate that if he bites we will leave with no second chances....seem to have had success so far of course now I've said that I've jinxed myself right!!

onebatmother · 17/03/2009 20:15

Isn't it more or less washing mouth out with soap? Which is pretty universally held up as an example of 'brutal things we used to do to kids which are now quite definitely considered to be beyond the pale and what's more ineffective except in creating resentment and alienation in the child concerned?'

Re: marmite. It's a very strong taste for kids who don't like it. It used to make a friend of mine actually vomit. So it's no more 'humane' than, eg. carbolic.

Uriel · 17/03/2009 20:17

It can't be that bad a thing to do - the speech therapist used it on one of mine to help her to speak properly.

thisisyesterday · 17/03/2009 20:17

bringonthetrumpets, it isn't a case of physical punishment or no punishment at all.
what a strange way to view it.

I have never physically punished my children and I certainly wouldn't hit them, bite them or force something into their mouths to make them stop a certain behaviour.

they are however, on the whole, very well behaved.
ds1 went through a phsae of pushing children over (very hard) and we stopped it by
1.) watching him like a hawk whenever possible and removing/distracting him when it looked like he was about to pounce
2.) removing him from the situation when he did push. there were a couple of times when we were at people's houses and I had to just say right, that's it. if you're going to push we have to go home

at 3 he is more than old enough to understand that biting is unacceptable and that there are natural consequences of that (ie, not being allowed to play with other children, having to go into another room, that people don't like being bitten!)

thisisyesterday · 17/03/2009 20:19

pepa we do that too, talk about different ways in which ds1 could handle situations where he feels he needs to push/hit or whatever.

it doesn't always work, obviously, but he is getting much better at coming and finding me and telling me what's happening instead of lashing out immediately

RosemaryBingle · 17/03/2009 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bringonthetrumpets · 17/03/2009 20:21

well, for the record, putting peanut butter in a child's hair and spitting on them is pretty extreme and really isn't going to teach them anything anyway so i'm not exactly sure why you liken the op's actions to them.

that's really good that your son learns by example like that but not all children learn lessons the same way.

my mum put soap in our mouths when we bit (and trust me, I was a biter when I was young! ) or when we said inappropriate words and we're not traumatized adults. I was a pretty naughty lass (looking back on it, sorry mum!) and just talking stern words with me didn't work. i learned quite quickly with the soap and if this is the way that op's ds will learn with marmite, then this is what she should do.

Lizzylou · 17/03/2009 20:22

I tried vinegar on my DS2 as he wouldn't listen/respond to anything else.
I tried naughty step/sticker charts/taking toys away etc etc , nothing worked.
I used the vinegar method three times and the biting stopped, he was 2.5yrs old at the time.
I had a cousin who was a "biter" who was demonised due to it and not invited to parties etc, I didn't want my little boy to be treated like that. It needed nipping in the bud and it has been.
Flame, totally understand why you've done it and hope it works.

Uriel · 17/03/2009 20:26

Yes, seriously.
I don't know whether it was a last resort thing or routine... They used it for the sound that they didn't think she'd ever be able to get.

RosemaryBingle · 17/03/2009 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AitchTwoOh · 17/03/2009 20:34

you know they got mr ed the talking horse to 'talk' using the same method? peanut butter, that is. apparently they ran through a number of horses because they injured the roof of their mouths with their rough tongues. [trivial]

geraldinetheluckygoat · 17/03/2009 20:36

my ds2 is a biter too. I childmind, and my mindee came on monday with a BIG bite mark, done by my son the week before. I was mortified. I have tried removing him, sitting him on the step, saying no firmly, dissaproving looks and everything else. Except marmite. Might try it tomorrow...
I think its wonderful those of you who's sons respond to dissapproving looks and the like, but as someone else said, they don't all respond in the same way. I think it's very hard when your dc do something like this and very difficult to know what to do for the best.

soon2befamilyof4 · 17/03/2009 20:37

Uriel - I don't get what you mean? How does putting marmite in a childs mouth make them more able to say something? Not saying it is right/wrong - I really don't understand.

AitchTwoOh · 17/03/2009 20:42

i suppose if you put it on a certain spot, the tongue will have to go there. hence the particular noise.

Gemzooks · 17/03/2009 20:48

I don't see any difference between putting something disgusting deliberately into a child's mouth as a punishment, and any other kind of physical punishment, sorry but it is just wrong. I am kind of even less shocked by the idea of smacking for something like biting. especially at 3, they are old enough to understand. I can really imagine it traumatising them in later life. It's wrong!

psychomum5 · 17/03/2009 20:49

ooh, you are better than me.

I used to use mustard!!!

never stopped them tho

Tortington · 17/03/2009 20:50

i did the wahing up liquid thing

AitchTwoOh · 17/03/2009 20:53

how do you get it in there? dd's bad enough for brushing her teeth.

psychomum5 · 17/03/2009 20:56

don;t any of you lot pick on flame (those that have and declared shock and horror).

you live in her shoes for a day and then judge, believe me, lovely as that little dude is (and he really is very very cute), he can also be very trying and it is no understatemtent when she calls him demon child at the moment.

he is just a strong willed boy, who has been thru each method (tried long and hard at each stage).

just think yourself lucky that you have not yet had a stage where by you are pulling you hair out with your own children!!!

thisisyesterday · 17/03/2009 20:59

don't presume that none of us have ever pulled our hair out over our children!

just because some of us don't use physical punishments does NOT mean that our children are little angels

AitchTwoOh · 17/03/2009 20:59

poor soapbox! what's she done to deserve that?

psychomum5 · 17/03/2009 21:01

well, is she stays still long enough, she needs to expect to get stood on......