shocked - mum left 9 yr old at home on own

[katiekittlemouse]

was at a sports centre today with dd's and shocked to hear that whilst taking her youngest 2 dd's swimming had left the eldest dd who is just 9yrs old at home on her own!!!

I am shocked! would you do that??? I wouldn't for sure!

Of course those things could happen, and I'm not even going to say they are unlikely. But the point is that you don't leave your child until you are confident they will be able to take charge in any situation that is likely to arise. And my DCs always have mine and my DH's mobile number in case they can't cope.

I want to ask everyone the following question on this issue:

Would you leave your car unlocked in the drive and a diamond engagement ring on the kitchen table in the unlocked house while you went out for 2 hours?

I wouldn't.

our next door neighbour (just over retirement age) fell down the stairs no-one knew until her son came to visit the next day and found her there - she sadly died in hospital a few days later - she was 56

I think as adults we can forget how naive children can be. I was left alone for very small amounts of time when I was around 7/8 and above and I also regularly babysat upto 5 children at a time at the age of 13.

At the time I thought I was quite capable of babysitting. However, one night I was shocked to find when doing the rounds checking on sleeping children, that the parents had 'forgotten' to tell me that they actually had a baby! I wouldn't have had a clue what to do had the baby woken up! I'd had no experience of them. Another child in my care started sleepwalking (again I hadn't been told that he regularly did this) and scared the life out of me as he became quite aggressive as I think he was having a nightmare. One child had a sore throat one night and insisted on being given a throat sweet. At first I said no, but after much wailing, gave in and gave her a losenger (Locket). When the mother returned she was appalled I had done this and I remember feeling v guilty and stupid.

Looking back though - I was a child in charge of children.

no I wouldn't - but then when I've left DS1 he's had the spare key in the house with him and has locked the front door after I've gone - leaving the key in so he knows where it is if there was an emergency when I was out (although new house has a night latch thingy on the door which means it can be left unlocked but no-one can get in from the outside without the key). It was an incredibly easy door to unlock from inside, even my (then) 3yr old could unlock it so I knew that he at 7 would manage it.

And a ring can't do anything if thee was an emergency - a person can.

In answer to ruby - I don't know what age I would feel happy to leave my children alone, but it hasn't happened yet!

i might have done - depends on the kid

Giving a moblile number is not enough-its going to take time for you to return to help them out of the situation, it may be too late. Or they might not be able to get to the phone in time.

Caro - I'm not sure the relevance of you being left in situation where you unaware of what was expected of you (ie baby and sleep walking child) in relation to a child being left a home with a list of "rules".

My point is a child is just not mature enough to cope with looking after other children, even if left a list of rules. Even my DH can get an instruction wrong when I leave him to put the washing on

I'm confused now - as the OP said the 9yr old was on her own - not looking after children.

and fwiw I think an older sibling (14/15+) looking after their younger sibling(s) is very different from looking after someone elses children.

And as for men..............well we all know that most of them are still stuck at the age of approx 4/5yrs old - so uncapable of following even basic instructions

I realise the OP wasn't talking about looking after other children but a number of posters on here say they regularly do let older siblings do it, so really I was responding to that.

I wouldn't have a problem with a 15 year old watching a younger sibling for a hour or so (depending on the child).

Siblings aside, I still wouldn't leave a 9 year old alone.

I am struggling to think of a scenario where one of my older 2 was so desperate for adult help that they couldn't get hold of a neighbour or me or DH. I think it depends a lot on the sort of place you live and the kind of relationship you have with the people around you. We all look out for each others' children.

You're assuming that they would try to contact you/DH or a neighbour. Sometimes, kids can worry you will be disappointed in them if they can't look after themselves - they could choose to take (possibly the wrong) action in an emergency. They could also think that they may get into trouble with you for doing something they shouldn't (like trying to make a hot drink and spilling it) and try to cover it up. You may think your children will follow your rules to the letter, but I'm not so sure.

I know I'm looking for the worst case scenario and hopefully these things wouldn't happen.

I guess it just depends on your viewpoint. You may be right, I may be expecting too much of my DC. I don't think I am but you are quite right, I can't be 100&% sure.

I'm not suggesting any of the parents on here are negligent - the fact that we come on this site means we all want the best for our children.

Anyway, off on the school run ...

"Would you leave your car unlocked in the drive and a diamond engagement ring on the kitchen table in the unlocked house while you went out for 2 hours?"

Erm.. no i wouldn't but the car and the diamond rings don't have brains and mobile phones so they can call me... and children are a lot more hassle to steal than an unattended diamond!

Caro, you imagine so many awful things happening, how do you sleep at night?

Yes, something dreadful could happen, but it could happen to any of us, at any time. The chances of those things happening are very slim, and even more slender if you are co-inciding them with just the moment you step out to run an errand leaving your child alone.

Life is full of risks. Any mother could fall downstairs while carrying a baby or toddler, on any day. It does happen, but rarely. Mothers don't refrain from carrying children on the stairs because of that risk. Similarly, most of us travel by car/bus somewhere nearly every day. The risk of accident is there, but we judge it a risk worth taking, given the chances, and the advantages travelling by car gives us.

Some parents feel comfortable leaving a 9 year old (or younger). In 99.9999999% of cases they will be fine. and the other 0.00000001 case? well, maybe mum wouldn't be able to get the child out of the burning house anyway?

Personally, I'd rather leave ds watching Ben 10 for 10 minutes, than spend 20 minutes persuading him he needs to come with me, then have a car accident cos he's distracting me cos he's grumping at having to come with me.

I used to be frightened when my parents left me for 20 minutes at around the same age.

BetaDad, thats quite sad, and I wouldn't leave ds if he was scared, but I doubt he would be (I'd give him the option of coming with me or not).

What were you frightened of?

I'd take my chances with the diamond ring tbh. I have often accidentally left my back door unlocked. not been burgled yet... touches wood!

But ABetaDad sooner or later you're going to have to leave that precious child alone- because children, unlike cars and diamond rings grow up and need independence.

As a university teacher, I frequently see students who have never been allowed any independence at all- and it's scary! Some of them you honestly wouldn't want to leave in charge of a hamster, yet they have to be able to function on their own, with mum and dad at the other end of the country.

I am sure my children will be equally precious to me when they are 16 or 21. I don't want anything nasty to happen to them at any time. And I would feel just as bad if they had an accident at 18 because they were naive and clueless- I would feel that was my fault.

So it's a fine balance between keeping them safe when they are little and helping them to develop enough independence to also be safe when they are older.

I feel constant rehearsing of safety instructions is a good way to go. What would you do if there was a fire? (get OUT, then alert the neighbours) What would you do if you started feeling ill/worse? (ring mobile/Daddy at work). What would you do if your sister fell downstairs and knocked herself out? (ring 999). What would you do if someone came to the door? (ignore). What are you not allowed to do when alone at home? (use cooker, matches, knives etc).

And I agree with the posters who think it's strange that so many parents feel safe taking their dcs in the car with them. As if this wasn't a major cause of child death in this country.

god i do!

momentarily