shocked - mum left 9 yr old at home on own

[katiekittlemouse]

was at a sports centre today with dd's and shocked to hear that whilst taking her youngest 2 dd's swimming had left the eldest dd who is just 9yrs old at home on her own!!!

I am shocked! would you do that??? I wouldn't for sure!

charlie1000 on Fri 13-Mar-09 18:53:52
"So with all these risks that are never going to happen, why not leave a 5 year old at home then?"

Because ime most children (given suitable encouragement) grow up enormously between 5 and 9. Besides, an major factor for me would have been that neither of my children would have been happy to have been left alone at age 5. I don't suppose they would have got into major trouble, but they wouldn't have wanted it. My 8yo does. Not in a tantrumming grumbling don't-want-to-come way, but in a positive I-can-do-this way.

You don't leave a 5 yr old at home because they are too young-you have to work up to these things slowly. At 5 you let them be playing in a different room or be in the garden when you are in the house etc. A 5 yr old isn't ready for that sort of responsibility but if you have gradually let them have responsibility they should be ready by 9yrs. Some 9 yr olds won't be ready.

What an enjoyable thread: reasoned arguments, common sense and almost no insults on a topic that often generates heated opinions.

I was so pleased that the majority if people did not agree with the OP - and gave examples of his own expereince.

FWIW, ds is 8 now and we have been leaving him for about a year for short periods - for example when dh comes to pick me from work (takes about half an hour) and early in the morning if dh is dropping me off at the airport (20 minutes - not fair to get ds up at 5.30 in the morning).

I had lots of freedom when I was young (in the 60s) and am determined that ds should enjoy the same freedom and independence as I am sure that it went a long way to making me the self-confident (mostly ) woman I am today. But he also has to learn responsibility at the same time.

He is generally a very sensible kid though and I do think you have to judge it by the individual child.

Why not leave a 5 yr old?

Because if a 9 yr old did encounter them they could cope better.

Because 9 yr olds have been at school for 4 or 5 yrs and have some experience of life outside the home without constant close supervision, 5 yr olds don't.

Because on the whole 5 yr olds don't want to be left at home.

Because 5 yr old couldn't cope with emergency plans.

And 5 yr olds are smaller. Although my 5 yr old can open the front door he can't do it easily which isn't ideal.

Can I ask from what age everyone started to leave their DC at home? Do you think 7 is ok?

About 8.

7 would be OK for me to walk to the post box and back-less than 5 mins or to just pop round to give a neighbour some post etc. I wouldn't go where they couldn't see me.It is a gradual work up from there. Nine is the earliest I would leave for the swimming lesson. It depends on the DC, if they are not comfortable don't do it. If they are badly behaved, and don't listen to instructions, don't do it.

But it would depend on the child.

i would not leave my 8 year old dd at home alone even for 10 minutes.. and not even in the care of 14 year old ds either..

but maybe that says more about me as an obsessive worrier than it does about the sensible course of action in these circumstances

Actually, here is an interesting bit of risk assessment. When my dp is away and the weather's bad, I leave my 8 year old at home alone while I run dd to the station in the morning. If the weather's nice she cycles across the fields (20 minute ride) but in bad weather she'd end up covered in mud and I won't let her ride her bike on the windy country roads round us because people drive like maniacs and there are lots of blind turns. My friend is amazed that I let her go on the cycle path (because "it's so isolated - you don't know who she'll meet") but would be happy for her to ride on narrow roads full of farm lorries and 4 by 4s exceeding the speed limit!

You can't give an age for all DCs, you have to know the DC. There are some I wouldn't leave if they were 11 or 12yrs! However, if you want to have a mature sensible DC you have to work on it from an early age. Talk to them and listen to them. It is fair enough to say 'tough-you are coming', if you have a very disobedient child but very unfair to say it to a child that is well behaved, sensible and can cope with the unexpected. Within the same family you may have one you could leave and one that you wouldn't dream of leaving!

I tend to agree with your friend seeker

I'm with seeker! I won't let mine cycle on the roads where we live-I tell them it is nothing to do with their cycling skills, but all to do with the maniac drivers.

In 1997 there was a horrendous fatal attack of 2 young girls, their mother and their pet dog. One of the girls was Josie Russell who survived and is now in her twenties. This happened 5minutes away from where I was living at the time.

It is very rare these things happen but who's to say it won't?

Interesting. So you think the risk of being abducted is higher than the risk of being knocked off your bike by a truck? Do others agree?

charlie-have you any idea how many DCs are killed on the road in cycle accidents each day?!! I have seen some and they make your blood run cold.

And how many children have been killed or seriously injured by cars since 1997?

No of course not but any child on their own in an isolated environment is at risk

I'd worry about car crashes more than about leaving dcs alone. But then dd was in a car crash in the childminder's car the other year- some idiot drove into them. Fortunately she was allright (the CM was injured but not too badly). The presence of an adult won't be a protection if you're driven into. And if you are injured yourself, you might not be able to help the child afterwards either.

I'll never understand why people are so relaxed about these very real dangers and so worried about far less likely scenarious like fire and door-knocking salesmen. There is a reason why a child killed in a fire makes the news and a child killed in a car crash doesn't.

In that case she'll never cycle on aroad then?

I think that people get quite illogical on risk assessment. I don't know what the odds are, but seeker's DC has a low risk of being attacked on the cycle way but a sky high risk of being killed by traffic on the narrow country lane.

No they aren't! The fact that you have to go back to 1997 for an example shows that the risk is so small it's negligible.

How would you manage living in the country like we do?

I agree with you seeker! If she is on a bike, even if she were to "meet" someone nefarious (highly unlikely - unlike the likelihood of encountering dangerous traffic on the road), she is in a reasonable position to make an escape.

charlie1000 on Fri 13-Mar-09 19:36:05
"No of course not but any child on their own in an isolated environment is at risk"

Yes, charlie, but as statistics show any child travelling in their parent's car is at risk.

I would rather leave ds at home alone than drive him (if I had a car). It's basic risk assessment. And cycling along a busy road is a very dangerous thing to do even for adults.

I think we're onto a new thread here...