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Original poster

shocked - mum left 9 yr old at home on own

366 replies

katiekittlemouse · 10/03/2009 20:30

was at a sports centre today with dd's and shocked to hear that whilst taking her youngest 2 dd's swimming had left the eldest dd who is just 9yrs old at home on her own!!!

I am shocked! would you do that??? I wouldn't for sure!

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TsarChasm · 11/03/2009 09:21

No I think 9/10 is the age that children start to need to be trusted with short periods alone and short (safe) journeys alone.

We have started to to this with dd (10) as have many of her friends. She is enjoying the responsibility. We've been over some quite clear ground rules though and things to watch out for.

I suppose it depends on the maturity of each child though. I do think it's part of a parents responsibility to prepare children to start to be more independant. It has to come at some point; better to do it gradually over the years.

MamaG · 11/03/2009 09:27

Agree not shocked - but I have to say that before your children reach that age, a lot of us may have felt the same as OP? If you'd told me I'd leave DD on her own at age 8 for 20 minutes I'd have laughed in your face - however when she was 8 she was sensible enough for me to do that very thing. So I did

cory · 11/03/2009 09:33

MamaG is right: it's so hard to look into the future and project how you will feel then. Children change so much in such a short time; it's impossible to imagine it until you've got there.

In theory I know that dd will be ready to move from home in 6 years time....

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TsarChasm · 11/03/2009 09:33

Actually yes I agree MamaG. I've re-read that Katiekittlemouse's dd isn't yet 9. Even a year ago I would have been very uncomfortable with the idea.

It's funny, you come to these realisations at some point, but prior to that the idea seems terribly scary.

I daren't read the teenager threads on here. We're not at that stage yet and the thought of dealing with boyfriends and girlfriends and staying out till all hours and drugs gives me the heebie jeebies when I look at the ages of mine now. I'll worry about that when I get to it

Nemoandthefishes · 11/03/2009 09:34

mamag I think if someone had said it when ds was 2 I would have but he is 5 and can already see is a lot more responsible than a lot his age. Now dd2 is 2 and can imagine her being a mischief maker even at 13 ..lol

BatmansWilly · 11/03/2009 09:36

Not shocking at all. I left my son home alone when he was 9. He knew how to contact me, knew where the spare keys were, knew not to touch anything in the kitchen ...

To be honest, if I left him playing on the xbox and then went out, I could be out for hours before he even noticed I wasn't there!! and he probably wouldn't have even moved from the sofa.

Not that I would leave him for hours of course but upto an hour or so if fine IMO

CoffeeCrazedMama · 11/03/2009 09:38

dd3 (aged 10) told me that when the community policeman came in to school to talk to the class last term he said that it was perfectly ok for them to be left at home for reasonable periods of time (that's good as I've been doing that for last year for short spells while picking up bigger dcs). He then gave them tips on coping and being safe.

Gorionine · 11/03/2009 09:43

I am not keen on leaving my dcs on their own at home but for a short periode and with a child you know is reasonable enough I do not think it is shocking.

Do you know this mum and her circumstances? Maybe you are judging her without knowing all the facts.

27T · 11/03/2009 09:44

My brother and I used to go camping for a week at a time when we were 9 and 11. But that was in 1968.

TsarChasm · 11/03/2009 09:48
sarah293 · 11/03/2009 09:51

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BatmansWilly · 11/03/2009 09:59

lol tsarchasm the name I wanted was gone, then I remembered DS saying to his friend last night "your dad has a batman's willy doesn't he?" in reference to the poor blokes BMW car so I thought I'd steal it from him (the name, not the car! LOL)

ScummyMummy · 11/03/2009 09:59

I would and have. Like soups I would get jittery after an hour or so, though. Think the things that scare us re kids are quite personal really. I still haven't quite let them walk to school alone even though it's v close as am massively scared of the way 4 by 4s zoom round the corner of the road their school is on. Loads of their mates walk to school from much further away. Yet I'm much more relaxed about them playing out or staying home alone for a while than many of their friends' parents.

Really belly laughed at the poor 20 year old hiding in cupboard while waiting for the pressure cooker to explode, mds!

Fennel · 11/03/2009 10:04

My 8 and 7yo play out for ages unsupervised and walk to school alone. But I am only just beginning to let 8yo stay at home alone as she gets to be nearly 9. I do wonder whether I'm right to be happier with them wandering around outside unsupervised than I am with leaving them at home. I see it as safer (we do live in a safe area, with lots of nosy friendly neighbours who notice what goes on and will talk to the dds and help them out).

clumsymum · 11/03/2009 10:06

A couple of weeks ago, I told dh (who was at work) that I was nipping out and would leave ds (also aged 9) for 10 mins while I ran the errand.

DH was HORRIFIED, and left work early to run the errand for me. However, I am quite confident that ds would be fine now to be left for a shot while (maybe up to 30 mins?). You have to start somewhere/sometime, and I don't see it's anymore problematic than sending ds round to the cornershop for a loaf or summink, which I've been doing for over a year (and that includes crossing a road).

ForeverOptimistic · 11/03/2009 10:10

I thought you were going to say that she had left her at home for the weekend or something!

Leaving a 9 year old at home for a short period of time isn't shocking. I was often left for a maximum period of 1 hour whilst my mum did shopping.

mloo · 11/03/2009 10:36

As long as your nosy friendly neighbours don't report you to the NSPCC for it, Fennel.
It could happen, believe me.

I feel guilty that DS (also 9) has so little autonomy. He has very little experience going to shops on his own, etc. Big problem is that there isn't a local gang of children he could play out with, so he doesn't have a group to watch out for him. I am trying now to find little things for him to do, walking 10 minutes home from friends' houses, running up to the shop to get me milk, etc., so that he can start to build up time on his own. We talk a lot about what to do in emergencies, what to do if he's offered a lift, etc.

clumsymum · 11/03/2009 10:40

I feel the same, mloo. You don't get groups of kids playing out like they did when I was a kid, and I think it's sad. It's made worse I think cos we're just outside the usual catchment area for ds's school but I got him in there cos it's better than our catchment school. So we don't live surrounded by his school friends.

ByTheSea · 11/03/2009 10:52

I frequently leave my DD-9 alone for up to an hour. She's fine with it and very sensible.

OrmIrian · 11/03/2009 10:55

And?

The options are force the eldest to do something they don't want to do, or prevent the youngest 2 from doing something they do want to do. I had this problem for years and mostly I dragged DS#1 along with me. Life became much easier when I began to feel that DS#1 was old enough to be left. I think he might have been a bit older than 9 but I can't remember. I certainly leave DD at home (9) but she is very sensible. Not for long mind you. Perhaps an hour tops.

FAQinglovely · 11/03/2009 11:00

I have left DS1 (8.5) for up to 1/2hr at a time recently on the odd occasion. I started poping down to the corner shop (10 minute trip maximum) when he was 7.

I also hope that by the end of the summer term he'll be walking the full 20 minute walk to school on his own - we just need to build his confidence up with teh Zebra crossing near our house as he's never used them much until we moved here.

MrsMattie · 11/03/2009 11:02

My children are much younger, so I can't say what I'd do, but I remember being left at home alone watching TV/playing quietly at this age while my mum took my younger sister to the local park (I wasn't an active kid ). I don't know if that was 'wrong' or not, really. My mum was a teacher and was/is a very responsibly person...

MrsMattie · 11/03/2009 11:02

responsible, even

FAQinglovely · 11/03/2009 11:07

"To be honest, if I left him playing on the xbox and then went out, I could be out for hours before he even noticed I wasn't there!! and he probably wouldn't have even moved from the sofa."

LOL - that's my DS1 too - I think the house could collapse around DS1 when he's on his Wii and he wouldn't notice

Lancelottie · 11/03/2009 11:08

You're not alone, Katie. Another parent raised her eyebrows at me last week for leaving my oldest at home while the others were swimming. He's 13!
'Isn't that ILLEGAL?', she said sternly.

Errrm, no. But the habit of keeping tabs on all offspring at all times is very hard to break, and not too healthy for you or them, so I try to relax a bit about it.

Twitch, twitch...