shocked - mum left 9 yr old at home on own

[katiekittlemouse]

was at a sports centre today with dd's and shocked to hear that whilst taking her youngest 2 dd's swimming had left the eldest dd who is just 9yrs old at home on her own!!!

I am shocked! would you do that??? I wouldn't for sure!

I don't cycle on the road near me charlie-ever. It is narrow and bendy- cars, trucks and buses use it. To my horror horse riders also use it.

She doesn't need to cycle on a road. She uses her bike to get to the station to head for the bright lights of a little market town, and she doesn't have to go an a road at all to get there!

"I think we're onto a new thread here... " I don't think we are. it's all about ral and perceived risk.

Well, I think it is relevant. My point was that there is no real reason to feel safer if you are taking your child with you in a car than if you are leaving him or her at home.

The only person I've ever known who was abducted was my MIL- and that was round about 1929 (and she escaped unharmed). Sadly, I have known rather more people who have died in cars . But they tend not to make national headlines.

It does depend where you live. My kids cycle to school with me and the roads are fairly safe. Obviously if it's too risky, you're right. But I wouldn't want them cycling 20mins across fields in an isolated spot either!

Everything is a risk-you have to assess whether it is worth taking. The risk of my DCs cycling around blind bends into the path of a lorry is too great to take. Staying in the house watching TV for an hour on their own is a reasonable risk to take.

She is 13. Does than make a difference?

Yes, sorry I thought she was younger

This fear of isolated spots gets me, as if there is a potential abducter lurking in every country field (it's a similar fear, of course, to the ironing board cover salesman/abducter scenario).

When I was a child we moved house to live in the middle of the peak district. During the school holidays I would often set off mid-morning, and spend most of the day ambling around the countryside on my own (well with west highland terrier for company), over 4 or 5 years. I can honestly say I never encountered anyone who had malicious intent towards me.
Robert Winston was on the radio a few months back, pointing out that the statistics of abduction have not changed in the last 50 years, it remains in the realms of (IIRC) 8 or 9 a year, and it usually transpires that the child was taken by someone they knew.

The whole 'stranger danger' worry is blown hugely out of proportion by a sensationalist media marketing machine.

For the record I worry a lot about traffic when my DDs are walking/cycling and for that reason we only cycle on canal paths, tracks etc.

I don't really think about the risk of strangers/abduction too much as I think these are thankfully rare cases.

Still wouldn't leave them alone at home though.

I wish that we were more cycle friendly in this country Riven. If we were I would cycle a lot more.

Seeker - as ever the voice of reason on these threads. I agree with you completely of course.

The one rider I would put on all of this 'freedom' stuff is that the child has to feel happy and comfortable with this.

Dh (as Chair of Governors) did some work with primary children as to how 'safe' they feel and what concerns they have. Quite a large number of older children (yr4-6) said the time when they were most scared was when they were left home alone for shorter/longer periods.

ds2 used to go on errands to the local shop when he was 7 or 8. But ds1 didn't start going until he was nearly 10 (after ds2 was already doing this regularly). The reason was that despite encouragement ds1 didn't want to. The nearest shop is some distance away and he was worried he would get lost.

We respected this and just gently worked on him until he felt confident to do so.

I think that the important thing is that you are child led by what they are comfortable with, rather than forcing them either way. I gave mine the choice. If they are 12 yrs and don't want to be left there is no need to may them feel bad about it, just take them with you. However if you have got a DC who is quite happy about being left and wants to be left it is unfair to load them up with all your fears of what might happen, it is better to give them rules, discuss what to do if they need help and make sure that you are contactable.

Haven't read all the replys but I personally think leaving a child of 9 for an hour or so is fine.

My friend was telling me recently how she came into an empty house everyday after school and made the coal fire ready for when her mum came in from work, she was 8 years old.
Think my great grandfather was 11 when he went to work down a coal mine full time when his dad died. Not saying this is good, but put into perspective leaving a 9 year old for the odd 1/2 hour pales into insignificance.