Does anyone out there have absolutely no help with their kids apart from their dh, or are we the only ones in the world without the helpful granny/grandad/MIL/sister etc. etc.?

[ssd]

feel so isolated, everyone and I mean everyone seems to have someone in the family who comes and helps out with the kids to give them a break, bit we have no one and its so getting me down. mt kids are bad sleepers/full of energy/non stop and theres never anyone to give us a break even for 2 minutes. friends have there own kids, and usually help with them too.

feel so down and desperate, its never ending

Have only read your thread ssd but we don't have anyone around either. We live in Gran Canaria and our families live in England. We are fortunate though that both DH & I work in a school and have paid a Year 13 student to babysit for us once in a while. We also have a friend who can occasionally babysit so we can go out but she is leaving at the end of June. Isn't there anyone who can babysit for you for a couple of hours?

no help here either - FIL is nearly 90 (so not able to help), and my parents/family are 6000 miles away...
DH and I do sometimes have lunch out when the DCs are at school, but any evening social things are separate (either he goes out, or I do), or with the DCs.
I don't feel too hard done by as it is the way everyone does it where I live - babysitting is not really part of the culture....
You get used to it....
And count the years until the DCs are 18 and out of the house!

the only person I know who is willing to have them for a couple of hours is my very lovely neighbour, but she is 8 months pregnant. she has loads of help herself and knows how getting a break now and then helps, she is the only person willing to help, but with an 18 month old and 8 months pregnant I don't want to ask her!

I think the isolated feeling is compounded by everyone I know having a lot of help from their mums or MILs,,we live in a small village and everyone seems related!!! also at work all the girls go on about "oh my kids are going to mums for the weekend/going on holiday at half term with granny", its honestly never ending!

I think part of the trouble is this mobile society we live in.
I have often envied my SIL as she has her own and my mother handy for childcare.
But then the reasons for leaving the place I was brought up still remain.
We too endured years of being trapped in the house, and I agree it's wearing and depressing to see others enjoy levels of support you can only dream of.
I remember being desperately tired and pregnant, asking my mum to take DS1 (then 1 1/2) to the playground for an hour so I could have a rest (I was staying with her for a few days as DH was away and I thought it would be easier there than being isolated at home -ha!)
Her answer was 'but he won't go with me, will he?'
No he probably wouldn't have gone happily but that was because he hardly ever saw her and got minimal attention when he did - and she was the only person who could do anything about that, but chose not .
Bitter rant over.

what makes it hard for me is that I do have my mum near but she's 81 and now the mother daughter role has reversed, its me constantly visiting/phoning/asking if she's ok

I just want someone to ask if I'm ok

its like a double burden, young kids/old mum, and no help with either of them from relatives/siblings

I feel like I've been in a downward spiral with it all for years, I've put on so much weight with comfort eating too, can't see a way out, well I can but don't like to imagine what it involves (no mum here anymore and kids grown up), theres no easy solution

It must be really hard for you ssd, I'm so sorry for you. We didn't know many people in Manchester other than work colleagues when I had dd, then took a gamble and moved to the south east to be nearer my parents. we get some help with babysitting etc but my dad's recently started suffering with severe depression so it's not the regular help that it was at first and we're trying to support them now.

We still don't know many people in our area - mainly because we both commute to London for work - but I am trying to take dd swimming at the same time each week and just saying hello to the same people is making me feel like I'm making a bit of progress. Are there any clubs local to you which your kids could join? And when they're in school, if you're not working are there any shops/old peoples' homes you could volunteer to help out in for an hour or two each day? Just having adult conversation can make the world of difference and help you get back on your feet.

Last thing I can think of is updating your profile and seeing if you can get in touch with other mumsnetters locally.

Hope things pick up for you soon, good luck.

thanks spurs

SSD - sorry - I've not read the whole thread, but wanted to say that you are not the only one. We have no family nearby, and I miss them terribly. There is no popping out for us! If we want to do anything like go to the cinema, we have to take it in turns (!)

I've got a lot of friends locally, but it's not the same for me. And as they've all got children, I certainly don't feel I can call on them if I'm desperate for a break!!

IME, it's easier once they're all at school as you do then get some breathing space. Funnily enough, I now miss my very intense relationship with them - although it used to drive me bonkers at times...

DH and I live about 3000 miles away from my family. His mum died a few years back and we are not in contact with his brother. We have 3 little ones and no one nearby.

You are not alone.

DH and I live about 3000 miles away from my family. His mum died a few years back and we are not in contact with his brother. We have 3 little ones and no one nearby.

You are not alone.

we have a grandmother near but she isnt child friendly. have a very good babysitter and im building some support with other mothers in the samre situation from school.

most other mothers at school arnt local, everyone seems to be from elsewhere.

it does get easier when they start school.

I work school hours so no break there!

as an aside, if by a miracle we found a local teenage to babysit say for a Saturday afternoon, how much would me haVE TO PAY THEM (SAY 3 HOURS)? OOPs!

SSD, have you thought about clubs like, brownies/cubs , dance etc... i had the same problem years ago. i moved to a totally new area when my children where 5 and 3, this was due to bad domestic problems, so i ended up being moved somewhere where i knew nobody and had to start all over again, a year later my parents moved back to ireland due to my dads bad health, so i really was totally alone, i looked up all the clubs in the area for children, and even started myself on a cookery course, the kids made loads of new friends and consequently i made friends with some of their mums and a great support network was born out of it,also i would have their children some weekends and other weekends they would have mine, we would go out on some great day trips together,also, the girls used to go camping with brownies and they loved it, my DS's are nearly 16 and 18 now but we all still meet up from time to time for social occasions, i know it can be hard when you feel alone, your local council can give you a list of all clubs run in your area.

hi Leenie, they do go to clubs, they are kept busy! they've both got a great social life, me and dh just seem to run round after them! would just like a little help whilst we're doing it