Does anyone out there have absolutely no help with their kids apart from their dh, or are we the only ones in the world without the helpful granny/grandad/MIL/sister etc. etc.?

[ssd]

feel so isolated, everyone and I mean everyone seems to have someone in the family who comes and helps out with the kids to give them a break, bit we have no one and its so getting me down. mt kids are bad sleepers/full of energy/non stop and theres never anyone to give us a break even for 2 minutes. friends have there own kids, and usually help with them too.

feel so down and desperate, its never ending

no DH but a supportive mum who babysits for me about once a month. As mummydoit syas its hard to accept babysitting when you can't reciprocate. But you can with a DH so why not get involved in a baby sitting circle?

Us too. Our DD is only 4mths and I am going to take a lot of these tips on board for the future. My parents are dead and I have no siblings. The ILs are 200 miles away and MIL doesn't keep too well. I have no friends with babies, all their DCs are grown up and I think they have forgotten what its like having little ones. I have one friend who will babysit which is wonderful but don't want to take advantage and ask too often.

I took DD for a walk in the park yesterday and saw loads of grandparents out with babies/kids which made me quite jealous. Not just for me having help but for DD having that kind of relationship. I had fab Grandparents when I was growinig up and spent loads of time with them and I would have liked that for DD.

Hope some of the other girls suggestions help and things improve for you soon.

8 and 10 - pck themoff on a sleepover once a month, reciprocate once a month and the twqo weeks in between tak it in tuns to go out. That way you'll get out once on your own and once as a couple.

I haven't read the whole thread but it jumped out at me as I'm pregnant with DC1 (29+5) and getting a bit nervous about the fact that DH and I live miles from family or anyone who could be relied upon to help out.

We live up in London and all our family live down in the New Forest, and they VERY rarely come and visit - it is always up to us to go and visit them.

I'm not just worried about the lack of support generally, but also that when little one is born we will STILL be expected to lug him/her down to see them all and they won't bother to come up and see us...

Will read thread now and hopefully pick up some tips

I am a single Mum who works 30 hours a week and I have no network of support but an ex husband (which is far from ideal). Both my parents died (although they were amazing grandparents) and the childrens other grandparents couldn't care/aren't interested and live hundreds of miles away. It is hard. But after burying myself alive in grief, the break up of my marriage and the unravelling of my teenager I am now cultivating a network of support. One has to be creative and one has to reciprocate. This situation means my next of kin is actually my teenage daughter and that does not sit easily with me (& I think I will start a thread on that myself!)
ssd, good luck.

Us too. Relatives are all over 7000 miles away. Even when we did live in the UK nearest ones were two hours away. Has been like this for us for twenty years. We got no no help at all. It did get me down, though now my DCs are bigger DH and I can leave them for a bit and go and have a drink if we want to. We never do though. On a similar note I would love to have someone I could pop in to have a cup of tea with on the way home after work with the DCs, but have never known anyone well enough to do that. I feel like Billy No Mates. Sorry for myself? Moi? The joys of being a WOHM.

My parents live abroad, MIL lives 5 hours away on the train and is disabled and in poor health; in fact, dh is there looking after her now.

It was very difficult when the children were little, particularly as dd suffers from a crippling joint disorder and is often ill with a messed-up immune system. I would often have to bring her in to work when she was too bad to go to school and leave her stretched out at my feet in the lecture hall. Harder when we didn't have a wheelchair, particularly as we don't drive: I used to spend a fortune on taxis and carry her from the taxi to the classroom.

Now they are 8 and 12, so I'm more inclined to leave them at home on their own. (though not late at night obviously) Or send them out together if I need a rest- they're off shopping in town atm. Big sister keeps an eye so little brother doesn't run off or get abducted; little brother is on hand to call for assistance if big sister's joints give way.

Thankfully have never been invited to a wedding where the dcs weren't invited too.

I live abroad and know what it means to have to do it all without help. And I even have a workaholic and totally useles h who never helps either.

It's awful when you feel down like that but your dc are getting older, it won't be long and they won't need you half as much as now. Hope that sounds reassuring but it's what I tell myself when I'm feeling down and then try to enjoy them more as I know in a few years time my 10 and 9 year olds won't be needing me that much!

youre not alone, my mum comes over 1 maybe 2ce a week to see us and is very helpful will take me to the shops or the hospital, she did mind my dd when i was pg over a year ago but only for a few hours in the day while dp and i went out for lunch but that was it.

but while dp regularly goes out i have not been out on my own without dp in the evening anywhere for 3.5 years. since we had dc1. you kinda just get used to it. the way i see it my social life is with the children during the day going to groups/school, the shops. with no3 on the way there is no hope for otherwise!

I think as my 2 are 8 and 10 parents in my position with babies/toddlers without help think that having older kids makes it easier!

whilst the kids do need less help from you, other things change

they both go to clubs, but with the age difference the clubas are all on at different times/days

they both have sleepovers occasionally, but never at the same time, one is always here with us

I'm not trying to be patronising to others here, I hate it when mums of older kids say it gets harder and I think "oh yeah", but life gets harder trying to accomodate all of their interests

we do share runs to certain things, usually with grandparents of the other kids!

we've had 10 years of this, you think I'd be used to it by now!

oh and I do work, but I work school hours and evenings/weekends so I can be there for the kids as on my minimum wgae I can't afford childcare x 2

I've recently had to deal with an increasingly frail mum (with no family support - another thread itself!!) in her 80's, and meeting up with lots of newish friends round here who all have mums and MIL's at their beck and call and the contrast just really gets me down

as another poster said, which is very true, it'll be not long until my 2 are sort of getting independant and it'll get easier then

SSD I'm sorry you're feeling so rotten

I don't know if it would help to count you blessings - there are lots of us without a DH to even have that conversation with...I'd absolutely love to have a DH sharing the burden as well as the fun stuff.

My mother does help me out, I'm luckier than some in that respect. But I dread speaking to friends with husbands. It feels like a knife when they seem to take it for granted.

I think we have more in common than we realise! I'm lucky to have a mum around, you're lucky to have a husband.

I'm not having a go in the slightest but I want you to see that your perceptions as you outlined them in your OP are a bit inaccurate - please don't feel that everyone has something you don't.

X posted, I am sorry to hear about your mum. It must be terribly hard for you xx

Hey ssd, nothing much constructive to add - as I only have one DD (2years) but another person here to add to the 'you are not alone' file. We live in London without family near by and we both work full-time.

Hope it helps a bit to realise lots of us are getting by without support.

Off to read the thread properly to get tips now...

you're right flight, I am lucky with dh!

the grass is always greener isn't it

My family are all hundreds of miles away and DW's are at least an hour's drive away.

Thank gawd for that, I say.

You sound so down, I dont have any family support but I do help a lot of friends and look for favours in return, my dad lives in spain, in laws other end of the country, mum died years ago, no one else really. When I can help anyone else out, with after school and school closures I do and I accept help in return. DH and I went away two weeks ago for the whole weekend and left the kids with a friend, the same friend is goign away with her dh in two weeks, its someone I care for and trust but we both know we are doing it for ourselves. I thought there were more people like you and me than people with family.

I think there is another way to look at it, I am pleased that I am independant and not beholdong to anyone and that my babies are raised according to my ideas not grannies.

Both sets of grandparents live far away and are at the age when I wouldn't be able to rely on them for any real long-term, long standing care..

My DH helps me out when he can, but he works hard and commutes (3 hours each day) so I can stay at home.

The point of this is rambling, is just so say that you are not alone and I know what a boon it would be to have someone just pick up the reins for a bit and to share the drudgery of child minding ...

SSD, quite a few of those who answered do have older children. I have an 8yo and a 12yo.

My solution has been to tell them that they can only do clubs that we can a) afford b) fit in with each other and c) fit in logistically (no car).

Children don't have to do everything they want to do. It's ok to say we can't manage it. Dd is disappointed because she can't do horseriding, but she understands that we don't have the money and that the logistics would be a nightmare. Both dcs know we can only find money for two activities each.

at UQD.

cory, my last reply wasn't to you, I meant to the parents of babies and toddlers who think it gets a lot easier as the kids get older

I value your opinion, as all others on this thread

I know my dd is only a little bit older than your 10yo, ssd. But - will it cheer you up if I mention that those few years make a big difference in independence? And that once your eldest is old enough to be responsible- they can do the childminding

Good times could be just around the corner! Start saving up for those romantic lunches now!

I'm sorry you are finding life so hard at the moment.

We live 4 hours from our nearest relatives although they are willing to help, it is often more hassle than it is worth as they normally stay here!

Normally, we are on our own. Rarley go out without the DS. I find illness is the hardest time, it would be so nice to just have someone there to take DS for a few hours. I do have friends who help sometimes, I find it hard to ask.

not read thread so sorry if wrong

i have no friends, no help and dh works veyr long hours

today feel rock bottom so you are not alone

not read thread so sorry if wrong

i have no friends, no help and dh works veyr long hours

today feel rock bottom so you are not alone

ssd- sorry you have no one near you

one of the famillies i work for is the same - she is from NZ and her parents are there, and her mil&dil are very old and basically not capable, though lives a few miles away

thats why she found me 3ys ago -she had a baby of 5mths and was going insane

i advertised gumtree and netmums - and i go and stay there and look after her children if they need to go away on business or need me time