I have never had help. This includes a time when my mother- perfectly active and young at the time- lived about 5 mins from me. I have been heavily criticised by her when I have used paid childminder for children when I have had to as I- gosh- worked. Also criticised for using a nursery . also criticised for using basicallly any form of paid childcare. yet, sometimes this was at a time my mother could have offered to help, even if only once a week. She never did. Yet I got slagged off for employing childminders etc.
I do not get it.
I now try to avoid all conversations that lead to issue of money, jobs , childcare etc. As you can see, that leaves little room for conversation.
Hence I rarely see my mother.
She still seems to think that on a fairly low salary my husband somehow could support a family with me not working. Oh yes, also she has criticised if I have not gone abroad on holiday before- doesn't believe it is too expensive- also has criticised if house not with loads of possessions etc.
Now I try not to listen to tales of other people's supportive relatives. I have none. I have siblings, but none of them have children and so they really don't get how it is to support a family of your own.
On my DH's side of the family, grandparents have never been hands on at all. Now they positively keep their distance.
I have resigned myself to a virtual lack of social life until my children are old enough to be left at home in the evening.
But it is rather sad. Worse, my mother seems to think that I owe her something , as she brought me up.
I think she basically is bitter at the choices there are- even if actually in reality I have had to work.
I have yet to find a solution to reliable baby sitters- tried a service, but it is really expensive.Aslo, you do not get the same person each time.