Am I the only one swimming uphill through custard?

[motherinferior]

Six years ago I wasn't particularly happy, but I did have a life. I went out. I had a lot of friends. I saw movies, lots of them. I'd finally decided that I was quite nice-looking, and in fact quite a few blokes asked me out, and if they were sufficiently dodgy, unreliable, attached elsewhere and/or the proud owner of a mild drink and/or drug habit, I would consent to some sort of pointlessly tortured affair-ette. All in all I was adjusting pretty well to the fact that I was facing a childless single middle age - and that I could in consequence take the risk of going freelance and generally Making A New Life.

And then I took up with DP and got pregnant and in lots of ways took a turn for the better, and actually my freelance career took off too and now I live in a rather nice house with two delightful daughters and a man who does want to be nice to me.

So why do I feel as if I'm swimming uphill through custard? Am I the only one? I have reached the point where the Inferiorettes, although admittedly capable of a certain winsome charm, also seem to behave in a manner more suited to under-fives boot camp than anywhere else. DD2 said her first sentence to me the other day (in front of another Mumsnetter and her family ): it was GO AWAY. She biffs people, bellows NO and throws herself into strops which I know perfectly well I should manage in boundary-setting chilledout way instead of standing around feeling pathetic and pointless. DD1 whinges and whinges and WHINGES, and also refuses to eat. I'm fed up and knackered - and then of course feel dreadfully guilty if they do, as they frequently do, commit a winsomely helpful act in my direction. They have eaten my life. I cannot remember when I last saw a grown-up movie. Come to that I'm such a knackered crap parent I can't remember taking them to anything similar either. And my self-image and self-esteem have taken such a major knock that the idea of anyone, however dodgy and/or desperate, succumbing to my aged charms is bloody ridiculous.

Anyone else for the custard waterfall?

oh god www....and tinygang...

i feel all of the above, only have one and now have lovely impetigo face of death....it just gets better....

and now i've managed to kill this thread...goodie

No you haven't. Just read it through, nodding and mmmming vigorously.
My life is grim lol!!! Either I'm at home in the UK on my own with two kids or in deepest darkest Turkey while dh works trying to keep myself 'occupied'!!!

Gaaaaaah!!!!!
Home all day with two kids while dh works all the hours God sends. Not much to do alone with two children in a place where very few people speak English (and my Turkish is pretty basic.)
Whingeing,moaning,constant demands.
Lethargy brreds lethargy.
Trying to sum up the energy to go about 300m for some more bread. The thought of getting shoes,clothes,money,keys together just does me in.
The worst,truly the worst however is that fing pushchair (even if it is a bloody E3)
To me, being behing as pushchair encapsulates the drudgery and monotony of being a mother.

Men honestly have

no

idea.

Even the very best ones, of which my dear dh is one.

i know what you mean about pushchairs...pushing one uphill and watching all the commuters on their way home from work watchng me watching them is fairly soul destroying

Of COUSRE I don't mind - www, you get it all said. I'm so sorry you're having a tough time but god, I do know where you're coming from.

I find all this quite perplexing you see. I always hoped motherhood would bring out the best in me (we all do I guess) but sometimes (quite often lately actually) it seems to turn me into a banshee and I'm NOT like that I'm just not!

It's just so relentless and nothing seems to get done unless I either do it, or start barking orders which makes me feel terrible. Dh and I are fairly quiet types and we too have had well, 'words' shall we say yesterday. It makes me feel so provoked in to blowing up and being angry. That drains me because I'm not especially confrontational.

The children are lovely, dh is lovely (apart from all consuming hobby which drove me over the edge yesterday!), God even I'm lovely (not really, just threw that in for good measure ) WHY does it have to be so hard??

I'm going to burn mine when ds starts walking in a 'farewell to innocence' ritual (well I would if dh let me!!)
Bastard thing....
What makes me feel bad is thinking how I used to skip past poor women struggling with them on the tube when I was a student...
I will burn in hell, along with my E£.

(Hey!!! E£ is far more appropriate! I'm sticking with it!)

Just wondering about that hobby tinygang....

Sophable, sorry about the impetigo. Moondog, um, this probably doesn't help but you've made me feel a bit better, because at least I'm not in Turkey! I hate hot weather so it would drive me mad(der)! Sorry, that doesn't help you at all does it . Actually, although I volunteered to have mumsnet taken away for a week (having something you love taken away is the penalty for bad behaviour here) because I felt so bad about my tantrum, ds and dp decided it would be too cruel! And so I am here, they are on Playstation together and dd is ASLEEP, YAY! So it IS finally quiet here and I am calming down.

Oh god, yes, I fucking HATE pushing a sodding buggy.

ha ha @ E£!

It's cycling Moondog. Mad, passionate, ala 'Lance Armstrong, Tour de France' committed to it. It can be veeery time consuming if you want to do it competitively, which he does .

WWW, imagine pushing a bloody buggy in Turkey then!!!
Aaaaarghh!!! (Streets and pavements are all fucked to boot. More like an obstacle course than a stroll.)
Actually, we are in the mountains by the Iranian border and it is bloody freezing in the winter, but nice in the summer. I hate hot weather too (although i also hate wading through 2 metres os snow for 4 months of the year.)

Oh no, re the cycling! Hmmm, sounds very time consuming. Can you take up, um, walking alone as your hobby?

Oh dear tg. Yes, know about that.
Good friend dacided to call it a day with her dh on account of the very same thing. (Not that I am suggesting anything, I hasten to add... )

and No, No, No at the awful thought of pushing a buggy in Turkey! Double yuk!

There are moments (like this morning) when I think I'll scream if I trip over any more children's junk in this cramped flat, or answer another in an endless stream of questions. And then there are moments (like now) when I can see sweet little dd drawing on her own while I have some "mummy time". Makes me want to scoop her up in a cuddle. Motherhood is an experience of such extreme contrasts.

I want to go here, because it's a haven of solitude and luxury apparently with dp and no children. And I want to be able to sleep late and spend all day in bed and god I'd just better stop there before I get too excited.

Now I feel mean about dissing Turkey...
Kindest people in the world actually.
I went to the park with the children yesterday (inaugural trip out driving solo!!
No mean feat considering nutter driving style.) Sat feeling a bit lonely. Straight away a group of teenage girls came over to fuss ds. Next thing, they called me over to where their mothers,friends,aunts and grandmothers were hanging out with a huge picnic,grilling kebabs,boiling up tea and so on.

Cushion and rugs laid out for us, baby taken off me,dd whisked away to be pushed on the swings,tea,biscuits and cakes pressed on me,kind questions asked,sweets given to me for 'later'.
The works.

Felt really bad afterwards. How many British women would extend such kindness to an (obviously) foreign woman alone in a park with two children?

Turkey's delights aside,kids...yes......aaarghh!!

Or actually, it doesn't have to be that far away, it could just be here, a circular sea facing room in Brighton . I'm imagining the PEACE, the luxury of time and silence!

And the ultimate bummer www, is that you'd miss the little buggers like mad!

Ah, that sounds really kind of them moondog, how nice. That's what I want sometimes, someone to just say 'you 2 go out, go on, I'll have the children for the afternoon and night' I know friends will offer once dd's older (as has ex mil) but I don't want it when she's older, I want it NOW!

Oooh, I wouldn't moondog, oh no I wouldn't! Not just for a couple of nights. Any longer and yes, I probably would!

Know what you mean www.
My problem is that although I could get someone to look after the children no problem, I am not confident about leaving them with someone when none of us speak Turkish well enough.(I have a lesson a day, but still need lots more input.)
There is a intersting job lined up for me at the local university's English Dept. which i would love (did something similar in Russia pre children) but I just can't leave them.

Realise that we were a fantastic aunt and uncle to my sister's four children before ours arrived.
We would beg her to have them for days,nights,hell,weeks at a time!!
I even took the oldest two on holiday to the States with me-twice!!!!!!
God, what a star eh???

I don't know whether you all make me want to laugh or cry! Cry because we're all going through similar things or laugh cos somehow you've made me feel better, not so alone anyway Thanks! You're all fab!

Interesting Moondog. You're friend and I sound like we had much in common, yesterday at least. Poor woman oh, how I sympathise!
WWW, the most walking I do is of course with a buggy. Agree with all sentiments on the subject here (who was it said that a sign creativity had ended in the house was the appearance of the pram in the hall? Something like that!)

Not forgetting poor Sophable - hope your 'visitor' sods off soon - that's just what you don't need.