Am I the only one swimming uphill through custard?

[motherinferior]

Six years ago I wasn't particularly happy, but I did have a life. I went out. I had a lot of friends. I saw movies, lots of them. I'd finally decided that I was quite nice-looking, and in fact quite a few blokes asked me out, and if they were sufficiently dodgy, unreliable, attached elsewhere and/or the proud owner of a mild drink and/or drug habit, I would consent to some sort of pointlessly tortured affair-ette. All in all I was adjusting pretty well to the fact that I was facing a childless single middle age - and that I could in consequence take the risk of going freelance and generally Making A New Life.

And then I took up with DP and got pregnant and in lots of ways took a turn for the better, and actually my freelance career took off too and now I live in a rather nice house with two delightful daughters and a man who does want to be nice to me.

So why do I feel as if I'm swimming uphill through custard? Am I the only one? I have reached the point where the Inferiorettes, although admittedly capable of a certain winsome charm, also seem to behave in a manner more suited to under-fives boot camp than anywhere else. DD2 said her first sentence to me the other day (in front of another Mumsnetter and her family ): it was GO AWAY. She biffs people, bellows NO and throws herself into strops which I know perfectly well I should manage in boundary-setting chilledout way instead of standing around feeling pathetic and pointless. DD1 whinges and whinges and WHINGES, and also refuses to eat. I'm fed up and knackered - and then of course feel dreadfully guilty if they do, as they frequently do, commit a winsomely helpful act in my direction. They have eaten my life. I cannot remember when I last saw a grown-up movie. Come to that I'm such a knackered crap parent I can't remember taking them to anything similar either. And my self-image and self-esteem have taken such a major knock that the idea of anyone, however dodgy and/or desperate, succumbing to my aged charms is bloody ridiculous.

Anyone else for the custard waterfall?

I've been thinking I'd like to go back to work .. but I think that is maybe a reaction to having a 4 year old

I'm also finding that even though when DD was born I was desperate for more babies .. the closer DS got to 4 the less I thought I'd like to have another child. I would still like another baby but am not looking forward to another 4 year old

Don't get me wrong, DS is wonderful and really quite an easy child, but he questions me, and pushes me and whinges on occasion and just does what he shouldn't and its exhausting and weighs you down

I'm scared that this is just life and there's no way out

DH is eager to resume a relationship (in all senses of the word) and he's pulling out all the stops but I feel exhausted and dull and unsexy and middle-aged ...

oops .. that got a bit too 'real' there

tamum .. you're forgiven .. MI is far nicer than I am anyway (I've met her, and know myself quite well), so that was a good choice

What did DS do? Glad to hear he's ok

The only ray of hpe there Twiglett is that not all 4 year olds are alike- ds was just like that, constantly pushing the wrong buttons, but dd was pretty much a delight. You never know, chin up

Oops, keep cross-posting. He fell on to a very rounded railing thing at Buckingham Palace, and it tore all the skin off his whole armpit and round to his back. He was so lucky really- he's going to have a massive scar, but he doesn't seem to have any nerve damage which was the real worry.

I know you're nice too, go on with you

I love it when you "write scottish"

I want to come on the meet up I want to come

I think your girls are roughly the same age as mine (?). I can recommend school. You will be fascinated to see how it 'moves things along'.

I posted a while ago, something like 'help! I don't like my children' and you were very comforting then. Do remember that littlies are knackering. I have only just started getting flashes of my old self back after nearly 6 years - I mean I have had flashes before, but these seem to be settling into a recognisable pattern of Enid-pre-children.

at your life pre-dp. You should see me. I was terrible and now I swan round in an all-engulfing cloud of respectability

MI you're not alone it seems; I feel a little better reading this thread.

Custard? Gallons of the stuff round here if it's any consolation. People always say what an important job parenting is, but I've come to it with no qualifications and didn't know until I was up to my neck in it just how exhausting and relentless it can be.

Just trying to keep a modicum of sanity round here is an endless round of repetetive picking up, wiping up, saying don't do this, that and the other. Some days I feel numb with the repetition of it all.

It has changed me utterly - sometimes for the better (on a good day) sometimes into a raving gibbering wreck on a bad day.

I think one thing I find the hardest to cope with is the constant interruption to my train of thought and the inability to achieve the simplest task or conversation without, again, constant interruption. That, I find so very wearing. I literally, cannot think straight and it drives me mad. Then I lose my rag and feel such a crap mother and ungrateful too, because I truly love them all more than anything and it seems unreasonable to complain when they're only being kids after all.

I'm taking heart on here from those who say it gets better. I think it is, but some days are still hell. I had three aged three and under at one point and thought I was losing my mind tbh.

bloody hell tamum you poor things! x E

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I do honestly think that things improve no end when they get to an age where you can take them out to the cinema, or shopping, and know that they're going to behave reasonably. When they play pretty independently, and don't need so much input. When you can just chat happily about what they've done today and what you've done. Life gets so much easier, truly.

Enid, you're invited to whatever it is we're arranging

cod, that is true, mmmm custard

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MI as you know my dd's are that little bit older than yours, and I know you also have a completely laughable impression of me as a supermum (!) But I have to agree wih the others, in that some things get easier as they get older (except the holidays are longer and nursery/childminders are year round), and you get a bit more time. However I make huge compromises with my life - convienience food/McDonals (!) etc and it is only now that I am finding eating out a pleasure again - we have ben able to progress to Ask pizza and TGI's Cinema is a joke too, we go to all the kids movies and that is it. I love theatre and cinemass, but even with dh an actor I get to go rarely - usually only his opening nights

We are lucky we have MIL who will have kids overnight, so we can do the odd adult thing.

As far as embarrassing kids moments such as GO AWAY etc, is totally normal it does NOT reflect on your abilities a a parent. For example we went to a jewish group meet up today - once a month thing. DD2 had a tantrum (she is 4!!) and DD1 managed to spill juice over everyone. There was also another 3 yr old who managed to hit every singe other child and pull a clump form his sisters hair!! even dd2 said he was a naughty boy!! There was another child who refused to get of her mothers lap, for the whole aftenoon - she was also 4. What I am trying to say is that every child is like this at some point or another for a certain amount of time - weeks/years/lifetime

You are a great mum but it is an uphill struggle and it is a nightmare at times. Try to remember most people also feel the same

Oh thank you my fellow custardians. I cannot tell you how much it reassures me that I am not the only one struggling through the thick yellow stuff. By the end of yesterday I really had vowed never to take the Inferiorettes anywhere on public transport ever again (you know, the bellowing and scampering and rampageing around the train corridor, really quite cheery while they did it but utterly wearing - and that's forgetting DD2's admittedly uncharacteristic 90-decibel bellow on the train the previous day). Today we have been at HOME, and very low-key, and have sat around drinking beer in the garden and life feels rather more copable-with.

But it is custardly, really, isn't it Onwards and, er, upwards!

Hi MI - totally with you. I have lost count of the number of times recently I have thought about downing tools and walking out. I don't mean out out i just mean in-the-heat-of-the-moment-you-two- are-driving-me-round-the fukcing-wall-you-can-make-your-own-sodding-tea-out. For a moment a film-like scene flashes through my head where mummy collapses on the floor sobbing her heart out at which point her two errant daughters realise that mummy is human, has feelings too, realise the errors of their ways, and are never naughty again. Then I take a very deep breath and carry on. All of this would be ok if I didn't have feelings but I do and consequently I find it incredibly hard. In fact was going to post tonight about really being at breaking point. Not very helpful that is it? My own resolution is to find a book. My mum laughs at my tendency to think books have the answers, but what I need is not how to do star charts or pasta jar, I need something that helps me understand that my children are not foul and I am not crap. I need a tome that will reassure me that they're ordinary kids, and, in the scheme of things, I'm doing ok. Right off to post that seperately and see if anyone can come up with anything.

Can anyone expand on Enid's comment that school 'moves things along'. I'm asking because I have vaguely thought about home ed as an option but school sounds pretty good at the moment

I found that when my two when to schoo it was a great advantage. Dd is a sharp cookie and could be (can be, what am I saying!) a royal pain in th arse when bored. We did 3 M & T days, a music day and a trip into twon day, along with trips to the park, library, making things at home etc and she was bored fartless and I was running into the ground. School was a life saver. A break for me, a source of different stimulation to her.

Ds had other probelms with communication which his nursery were instrumental in helping to sort out. half way through his recpetion year he is unrecognisable as the little boy in nursery last year. We are all much happier as a result.

And dare I say it? When I get a break from them, and them from me we all enjoy the time we spend together more. I'm sure that someone will be along to lynch me soon!

I tip my hat to home edders, but it would have killed me, and very possibly dd!

Hello my lovely. I actually shrieked at both children 'HOW DID MY LIFE BECOME THIS?' one day when we were ALL crying and I was knackered and fat and not coping. Dd2 sounds normal but terribly advanced, I think being able to say GO AWAY is very impressive for her age ! Whingeing is normal but bloody infuriating, I know. I say 'use a normal voice please' and refuse to answer until he does. Or (and I'm not proud of this) sometimes I used to whinge back so he realised how annoying it was. I agree, you need a babysitter, have you tried Sitters? There's a discount through mumsnet I think. They're good, very efficient, everyone's CRB checked, mostly other parents making some money. What's pissing you off the most? Will read the rest of the thread and see if I have any more to add. But we all feel like this sometimes I think. Could you go down to 3.5 days a week but with childcare so you get .5 of a day just for you?

Snafu, lol at your gastropub experience! I know that feeling of thinking, we've got kids, so what, we WILL go to a nice restaurant with them, it will be fine and then it goes pear shaped and you realise why you don't do it!

I do agree with everyone who says it gets better too MI, ds at 7 is mostly a joy and lovely company and fun and interesting and helpful. And I did take them both and a friend of ds's to Pizza Express last week and all 3 of them were lovely company and it was a success! Yesterday I looked down and realised I had ice cream handprints ALL over my top and chocolate handprints ALL over my skirt, mixed in with a bit of snot and stuff. And I'd got used to being able to wear nice things again , so I so sympathise with the feeling like crap looks wise. But you are slim and gorgeous and you will be past this bit soon.

hello www, we need to go on that diet again - I have been drinking beer and now have a big fat belly

Um. you took two preschoolers on public transport? You FOOL!
I took ds and dd (in her big pram) on a bus the other day. Pandemonium. And ds sitting next to me saying, "Mummy, what does chaos mean?"