Am I the only one swimming uphill through custard?

[motherinferior]

Six years ago I wasn't particularly happy, but I did have a life. I went out. I had a lot of friends. I saw movies, lots of them. I'd finally decided that I was quite nice-looking, and in fact quite a few blokes asked me out, and if they were sufficiently dodgy, unreliable, attached elsewhere and/or the proud owner of a mild drink and/or drug habit, I would consent to some sort of pointlessly tortured affair-ette. All in all I was adjusting pretty well to the fact that I was facing a childless single middle age - and that I could in consequence take the risk of going freelance and generally Making A New Life.

And then I took up with DP and got pregnant and in lots of ways took a turn for the better, and actually my freelance career took off too and now I live in a rather nice house with two delightful daughters and a man who does want to be nice to me.

So why do I feel as if I'm swimming uphill through custard? Am I the only one? I have reached the point where the Inferiorettes, although admittedly capable of a certain winsome charm, also seem to behave in a manner more suited to under-fives boot camp than anywhere else. DD2 said her first sentence to me the other day (in front of another Mumsnetter and her family ): it was GO AWAY. She biffs people, bellows NO and throws herself into strops which I know perfectly well I should manage in boundary-setting chilledout way instead of standing around feeling pathetic and pointless. DD1 whinges and whinges and WHINGES, and also refuses to eat. I'm fed up and knackered - and then of course feel dreadfully guilty if they do, as they frequently do, commit a winsomely helpful act in my direction. They have eaten my life. I cannot remember when I last saw a grown-up movie. Come to that I'm such a knackered crap parent I can't remember taking them to anything similar either. And my self-image and self-esteem have taken such a major knock that the idea of anyone, however dodgy and/or desperate, succumbing to my aged charms is bloody ridiculous.

Anyone else for the custard waterfall?

spontaneity - what's that?! I'm am super organiser at home - plan kids' nights away 2 months in advance, complete with action plans for the grandparents!

Gone are the days I'd whisk dp off to an airport with surprise tickets to Paris for the weekend... Now it takes a fortnight to back all the bags for a day trip to Prestatyn!!

I feel a bit like you I think....'how did I get myself in a situation where life is just one long list of things that need to be done right now'

Every day I tell myself it's my attitude that's wrong...this is the biggest challenge I can face and I need to stop looking at the inperfections and stop to appreciate what I've achieved.

Stupid thing is if something bad happened like a world war or a major illness I'd look back at now and wonder what my problem was...that said if I faced a major hurdle I'd see that as a challenge rather than the white-noise that seems to surround my life some days.

Not sure what I'm trying to say except it's the everydayness of life that drags me down and I'm trying to shift my own mental attitude all the time.

The thing that has shocked me most since being a Mum is that you go through life being rewarded and praised for all the wrong things and just when you need that reassurance and help, you realise that the most difficult job in the world i.e. parenthood is something no one will recognise and few people will help. Part of my reason for reading the parenting books is to give myself goals that I can achieve and at least pat myself on the back even if no one else gives a monkies. How sad is that admission????

Motherinferior you don't know how glad I am to hear that someone else's kids regard libraries as places for running and bellowing...I thought it was just mine!

Thank god for that vict17. Like motherinferior, I just have to convince the other library denizens now...

Thats a relief...DS's books are now 3 months overdue because every time he goes he tries to pull every book he sees off the shelf. I did my Guide Service Flash in a library (why of why?)and running around was a hangable offense in those days.

yes, it's usually the old dears who frown upon it, not the staff!! And if under fives damage books we no longer charge them for it.

MI - just got back from hols and catching up! I think everyone feels like this sometimes - I definitely feel like it when we're trying to get out of the house, put dd's shoes on, do her hair, get her coat on, realise ds' socks are still upstairs, run up to get them, get downstairs again - ds has pulled dd's hair bobbles out, dd has removed her shoes, goodness knows where her socks have gone, she could have eaten them for all I know! It can take up to half an hour to get out!

Playschool has really helped with ds - having some quality time with dd is really nice (she's almost the same age as yours I think). My dd is definitely trying out the terrible twos for size - she's very sweet natured, but can flip into a demon in an instant. I do remember ds doing the same - we called him demon boy! - but then we only had him to worry about.

And like lots of people have said, school is only round the corner! And ds is definitely coming round to being on our side, which has got to help!

Hope things improve! Can you arrange for a regular time slot where your dp looks after the children? Then he would know when 'your' time was, and you wouldn't feel guilty about it!

Oh, and www's ds is lovely!

I think sometimes you just have to give up a bit as well. Stop swimming, and just float. I'm having a me day today as I started losing it within 5 minutes of getting up today (courtesy of less than 4 hours sleep). No housework, no washing, no anything. Me and DD are doing sofa, TV and chocolate and frankly I DON'T CARE!!!! I'll sort it all out tomorrow, or after DSs are back from school.

I think things can also feel more of a struggle in the winter. I can't wait for sunshine and warmth, so we can go out and breathe So less stressful.

I have put The Incredibles on AGAIN, taking Marthamoo as my guide.

Careful...you'll have the Mnetters knocking at your door to join in...sounds like heaven!

MI - I'm hibernating far too much, and losing any ability to leave the house atm. If that brief burst last week wasn't the only bit of summer we're going to get, maybe we could round everyone up to Dulwich/wherever? I need a reason to somewhere, otherwise I go nowhere.....

LOL Scummy re 'sons of scum' and tantrum comment. Perhaps he thought you were having one of the Inferiorette's Fits of The Screaming Nudists?

Tigermoth - that is a really good observation, a grounding perspective.

...to go somewhere...

brain is mush, hot chocolate overload

Just caught up with this wonderful thread, having bog-snorkelled my way through the Easter "holidays" (come on, MI, custard is way too yummy for this analogy...did I mention I also need a serious diet rethink...).
That is a helpful perspective Tigermoth and one I am able to observe at close quarters in the bizarre person of my 39+++ SIL...one quick check of her doings is enough to cure me of raving about Me Time (LOL at www, I told my children something similar last week. Dd just carried on chewing the washing while ds said, "Never mind mummy, soon I'll be old enough to go out to work and get out of your hair" .
Thank goodness for Mumsnet and especially MotherSuperior for making it OK to occasionally gnash your ageing teeth about being a mother.
And I am also in a towering snit about not being in on the Tamum Experience. Shredding your armpit at Buck House? What a lame excuse for excluding all your so-called friends...hope he is OK now Tamum.
We also have a Screaming Nudist in our house. Thank God it is dd and not dh, but I wish she would stop weeing on the carpet and then running off laughing.

LOL at "bog-snorkelling" marina.

I didn't know how I would feel after three kids and eight yeras of marriage but I guess it can be compared to snorkling through a thick bog or swimming up hill through custard, most days I go nowhere. I know in my early twenties, pre kids I loved staying up all night, drinking, partying, sharing my bed with different if not numerous amounts of bodies each night. Must have been Mother Nature's method of preparing me for the next ten years. Thank you.

I had lunch with MI on Sunday - and my DS behaved like the original custard factory and other customers complained about him! Well the complaint was about him and the Infanta, but he was making all the noise, and he was the Bad influence!

Just wanted to reveive MI's magnificent 'custard' thread. It has stayed in my mind for the bad moments and this weekend seems to be liberally dolloped in the stuff for meso more than qualifies!

Think I could just do with a break, to walk unencumbered out the front door, talk to people roughly my height who don't start every sentence 'I want a...'or 'Waaaah! X,Y,Z did a,b,c to me..' every 5 minutes, not to enter every room in the house and find an accusing pile of 'whatever' that appears to require my and only my attention (irorning, dishes, crap of varying degerees of urgency - take your pick) blah blah you know what I mean, I know you do!

Never mind, another 10 hours and the delights of another bank holiday weekend will be behind me. And I bet if anyone asks tomorrow if I had a good one I'll say, 'Yes thanks - it was lovely!' but you'll know better

Gosh what a sour old bat I am - hope you all had a nice one anyway!

Well, I guess this just goes to show we can't win. Ds is spending the day with his dad and I am wandering around my custard-free house bored rigid and missing him like mad. Five minutes after he gets back, I'll be tearing my hair out again...

Oh babe. Grim oh grim. Mine has for some reason been OK, but probably only because it has involved copious amounts of alcohol I will regret not least when I climb on the scales

It's the demands, isn't it.

Yes, very damanding MI! I keep thinking there's only one of me and three (4 if you count dh, and yes, I WILL count him!) of you lot.

Hi Tinygang, I'm feeling the same. I so, so know what you mean. The sheer noise is getting to me, there's never any silence or peace. And there's always someone who wants me and there are always chores to be done and people to feed and I am knackered and fat and ugly and tearful. In fact I've just been really horrible to dp and we had a huge row in front of the children. Which is hard to do since he is so calm and reasonable but I provoked him sorely. Ds delighted in telling me I'd broken nearly all the house rules (the one I didn't break, luckily for everyone, is 'violence is unacceptable'), i.e. I didn't use a normal voice - I shrieked and ranted, I was bad tempered and rude and shouty. And I'm so, so fed up of being covered in food and snot.

I want to walk out of the door unencumbered too, I totally kwym. I am sick of my bag bulging with nappies and tissues and drink and just general CRAP. I think getting a job is the answer for me actually. Sorry, I can't offer any advice and now I've hijacked and ranted, I hope you don't mind.