Is there anyone here who doesn't 'do' the whole Father Xmas thing...

[TattooedGrrrl]

...or the tooth fairy / Easter bunny etc?

DH and i were discussing whether to do the Father Xmas thing with our kids (they are very small at the moment), and we don't really see the point. We DO celebrate on Xmas Day, but we aren't religious. We do have gifts and a special meal, but we don't really buy into the heavily commercial side of it all.

If you don't do it, do you get much bother from family / friends? Does it cause problems with school friends who 'believe' in him?

(and please, i am NOT critising anyone who DOES do it, i'm just wondering how parents who don't find it)

me. Far too lazy.

I do FC. But I have some friends who don't on religious grounds (not the true meaning of Christmas). It's not yet a huge issue - eldest is 4 but I do wonder how they will broach the issue when they are at school. It's not exactly fair to shatter everyone else's myth.

But I think all kids huour adults by believing in these things anyway!

supposed to say humour

We don't do it - never have. I don't think it really to controversial at school.

We are Christian so focus on the real reason for the season. We are quite modest on presents, but do like to see lots of people over the season and have a feast.

We don't and won't (DS is 2 atm). I never did as a child, and my mum told us that it was something that some people liked to tell a story about, and if some wanted to think it was all real, that was their decision to make. She did get a irate phonecall from another parent once when my brother aged 4 had told her child that FC didn't exist.

I'm sure we'll get grief about it from the IL's, but we'll just add it to their list of things they don't like that we do

No Father Christmas or Easter Bunny, mostly for religious reasons, although I'm not as dogmatic about that as I used to be. Presents at Christmas come from kind people who love us - like mummy and daddy and relatives and friends - not FC.

Basically, we have just never talked about it, and when they ask whether FC exists, I ask them what they think, and then make no comment unless they press me for an answer. If I do have to answer, I swear them to secrecy at school, and say that I will be very cross if they spoil things for someone else who does still believe in FC. So far we haven't had any problems with that.

Biggest issue has been other adults asking what they would like FC to bring them this year, or if they have been good enough for FC. Tricky to teach your 5-year-old a polite and honest answer to that!

Was talking with DH about this last night - he was of the opinion that we would have to conform to the whole santa thing. A friend of his, who was determined that his ds would never be given presents from santa etc as he and his DW disagreed with the commercialisation, found that their toddler was really excited about it and they felt they had to play along. They had not told him about Santa, but his friends had, and all the adverts and decorations etc reinforced it...

My bro and sil aren't keen on FC as they are deeply Christian and have never made a thing out of it with their children, but he was telling me last year that their dd (then aged 6) refused to believe him that FC WASN'T real - so it didn't really matter what they said! Her desire to believe was too strong!!

xpost with upwind!

Making a similar point - kids do get sucked into the whole FC thing whether you want them to or not!

We didn't. DH was very opposed to the whole FC thing and I didn't have the Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy when growing up.

I was scared that actively explaining FC didn't exist would get me lynched in the playground so we just didn't make a big deal about it but gave DD a stocking. She asked directly at 3 whether FC was real and we didn't pretend. Interestingly it was the inconsistencies between different families' approaches to where resents came from (is everything from FC, only stockings etc.) that really cemented her doubts rather than her questions about how it was possible.

She has been very good (is now 7y) about not blabbing to "believers" and I don't think it's ruined her childhood. Family are not remotely bothered, possibly helped by fact that my dad's family are not originally from the UK and we are spread across continents and religions (RC/Jewish/Hindu) so eveyone does their own thing.

Upwind - you don't have to conform. You can just get them excited about other things about Christmas like making things to decorate the house, or choosing presents for other people, or your own special Christmas traditions. I don't have a problem with them getting excited about presents but I want mine to want to be generous to other people in return.

A confession: also the thought of the energy involved in keeping the whole FC thing going is too exhausting.

I wonder would a compromise work?

If they come to somehow believe in Father Christmas and are excited, then s small stocking with a couple of little trinkets from Santa might be nice. Could put some new gloves or similar in there and the traditional mandarin orange!

They could still get their proper gifts from real people who love them.

procrastinatingparent - that actually sounds like the best solution of all

I don't understand why FC detracts from the religious meaning of Christmas? as a child from a very religious upbringing we had FC. FC played a big part in the church too- he came to the church's Sunday school xmas party.

From some of the posts here, i think our approach may be to not mention it / do it, and when they ask say he is a story that some children believe, so they mustn't spoil it for them.

When i was little we were told he existed and he left us stockings, but tbh i didn't believe for very long and then had to keep quiet for years to not spoil it for my brothers / friends.

compo- Father Xmas is based on a Saint anyway, isn't he?

compo - I don't think the two are incompatible, just that I find FC unnecessary to our enjoyment and understanding of the original significance of Christmas, and very wound up with the commercialisation of it which I hate.

Christmas is great without FC - I don't feel like I need to include an extra narrative at Christmas which is a bit distracting from the nativity story.

There is nothing wrong with the St Nicholas thing as an example of someone that was good at Christmas and to be admired.

However, the way that FC is done nowadays is to teach children than Christmas is all about getting stuff rather than about giving. The emphasis of 'you've got to be good' is contrary to the unconditional gift from God. God gave us Jesus because we weren't good.

We do 'do' Father Christmas. But also make it clear that presents aren't just magic'ed up out of a bottomless sack. They are carefully chosen and paid for/made by friends/relatives but delivered by Father Christmas. I do feel a bit of a fraud though, and wonder how I'm going to hold up to the now more sophisticated questioning of a 4 yo.

Agreed, SqueakyPop. I do think the excitement of FC concentrates the whole Christmas thing onto what I am getting, rather than what I am being given, both spiritually and materially.

We do Father Christmas for our boys (2 and 4) just becuase its such a magical part of christmas and we don't want the boys to miss out on that, however i tell the children that dp and I get together with FC and we decide on the presents together and then me and dp buy them for FC to deliver.

i also don't like the way some parents use him to coerce kids into doing things for months before Xmas, i'd be keen to avoid that too. I mean, sometimes a bit of bribery is neccesary sometimes, but not half the year!

We don't DO it either. It's just a story along with all the other stories. I don't think it makes it any less magical.

Probably the dog in the manger here (sorry about the pun) but isn't it just nice and magical and fun to do the whole father christmas thing? Isn't the world boring and sensible enough already? Christmas doesn't have to be a big money spending horror, I have lovely memories of daydreaming under the tree, the smells and sounds, special food etc. And the lovely thought of flying reindeer and all that happening while you are asleep. I'm just a softie I know but kids are just that, not mini adults.