Is there anyone here who doesn't 'do' the whole Father Xmas thing...

[TattooedGrrrl]

...or the tooth fairy / Easter bunny etc?

DH and i were discussing whether to do the Father Xmas thing with our kids (they are very small at the moment), and we don't really see the point. We DO celebrate on Xmas Day, but we aren't religious. We do have gifts and a special meal, but we don't really buy into the heavily commercial side of it all.

If you don't do it, do you get much bother from family / friends? Does it cause problems with school friends who 'believe' in him?

(and please, i am NOT critising anyone who DOES do it, i'm just wondering how parents who don't find it)

Wow I had no idea FC was such a controversial figure. And here was I ready to give DD an FC filled (first) Christmas, just like I always had and have such great memories of. We're Catholic, regular Mass attendees and I have no problem with him at all. It's fun

Fruit Shoots and Greggs I get but really, some of you on here need to lighten up. The man will be leaving glittery footprints by our fireplace and we'll do it for as long as DD wants us to. Sometimes I really wonder if the fun is going to be driven out of everything. I'm very happy that my parents didn't think like you lot . A knitted present and a lecture on gratitude doesn't sound like much of a Christmas to me. But hey, your choice!

Hear,hear BSEBINTSS (sorry can't be bothered to write your name in full!)
I think all the worthy stuff drives the fun out! My Christmases were magical as a DC and I gave it to my DCs-for as long as they wanted us to-and they all stopped believing long before they let on! Even after that we kept on with stockings.
They still love our Christmas traditions.

The people who insist that FC is a 'lie' remind me of the puritans. Who were a fairly miserable bunch.

Remember being struck when I first read Anne of Green Gables. One of the (adult) neighbours tells Anne she would never read a novel because they are a pack of lies. I was astonished that an adult couldn't see the difference between a story and a lie.

I wonder if people who call FC a lie ever use metaphors? Must make conversation very tricky if you have to stick so closely to the literal truth.

nicely put edam

I know. Roll on Halloween then I can get rid of it!

Tradition is exactly the word Abbey. I've always loved Christmas, whole family makes a big deal of it. We have gatherings etc and have always appreciated everything we've had. I would love DD to have those same memories and traditions and I would feel I was cheating her out of something if she didn't. I caught on very early but it didn't stop me loving Christmas.

I know my last post was a bit snotty, sorry about that. I just can't believe there are people who seriously see this as lying. What also troubles me is that I don't think it's my children's problem to be concerned about our financial situation. I'm all for them realising where it comes from and that it costs money but childhood should be carefree, not bogged down by financial responsibiity. Their time will come but in so far as is possible, DD's childhood will be as relaxed as I can make it. She doesn't need to know about every penny that comes in and goes out and spending her days being grateful.

I agree with the money part too. I have a cousin who is always telling his children:

1. How hard he works for the money.
2. How lucky they are.
3. How lots of children have to do without.

It makes me cringe. I also think it is unfair-it loads a lot of adult concerns on the children and there is absolutely nothing they can do about any of it.

But your average 5 yr-old does not see FC as a metaphor. He thinks he's real chap.

I don't tell dd that Snow White is real. Or Cinderella. But then, maybe you do...?

do what do you mean do.he does i dont do.

that doesnt really make sense.

Sorry, but this sort of thread always really depresses me . I had a lovely childhood, where I believed all sorts of things, and I want my kids to have the same magical childhood, complete with fairies, trolls under bridges and yeah, muythical kindly old men who love little kids enough to bring them nice things on Christmas Eve while they are sleeping. They have years and years ahead of them to become pragmatic and sensible.

My dad was the ultimate spinner of tall tales, and I loved him for it. My mum was also very inventive, and I have a very lively imagination accordingly. My children believe all sorts of things- it adds some fun and magic to every day. Recently the nursey teacher showed me a collage they'd done for the wall, which was entitled , "I love my mum because...", with a photo of each child and a quote. Most of them said "because she cooks me dinner" or, "because she takes me to the cinema". My dds (aged 3) stated "because she has magical powers"! The teacher was laughing, and pointed out that while lots of other mums cooked and cleaned and went to soft play, I was the ONLY mum with said magical powers. But I guess a lot of you would think that terrible....

Joolyjoolyjoo i completly agree with you.we were brought up like you and i cant imagine any other way.i find it sad

When we walk over a bridge I tell my children to tread quietly in case of trolls and they do. Although they're almost sure that there isn't a troll underneath...

I do insist on Father Christmas though. Not Santa...

Jooly and Edam- you get my vote.

I have fab memories of childhood - full of belief in all things magical. Even found a 'fairy' slipper when was a kid and left it on the windowsill at my mum's behest only to find a tiny silver note left in it's place thanking me kindly for finding it. Do not feel duped in hindsight but remember it with a smile and would create the same experience for my kids.

By god the thread to end all threads...

I cannot take in that some people dont want thier children to 'do' Christmas or other traditions.

I am a Christian so we do both the religous story and the Father Christmas story. I will never see it as commercial though I realise it is. Its a time to spend together and share.It doesnt have to be a big spend and part of it for my children is giving up what they have for other children (we do charity Christmas boxes for those less fortunate)Its all the magic that surounds it that makes it special and having kids makes you feel it all over again

Its a magical time of year and I still get all tingly when I hear sleigh bells or smell smow in the air and I am 41!! For a child its so exciting. And its not just about FC himself its all the build up.Kids LOVE xmas.
Have any of you watched The Polar Express? !!

To imagine my life without Christmas its just too depressing.Lighten up pleassse

and we have treaded snow foot printpints,left a carrot and a mince pie out

also tied silver strands in the woods (wehere the fairies live) and put a coin under the pillow for the tooth fairy

when i realised it was all a lie, i did not feel angry.I just wished it was true and pretended it was

bootlegger- loving the "fairy slipper"- that's the kind of thing my parents would have done

My dad fought a troll when I dropped my ball down a gully, and got my ball back. He was my superhero, and my kids love to hear him tell the story too. I don't feel duped- I felt safe, and am thankful that I had so much magic in my life for those few precious years when you CAN believe.

"Every time a child says they don't believe in fairies..."

I do the FC thing but it's just a small stocking with a few bits in. Everything else comes from me and family & friends.
I never made a huge deal out of Santa, but we have spent a lot of Christmas's with my Dad and step Mum and she does the whole 'mince pie and lemonade (he's teetotal in our household! )for Santa and carrots for Rudolf'. My son loves it, even though he's now 11 and doesn't believe, he is excited about putting out the food with my DD who is 18months. I never really got the whole Santa thing, until I saw the delight and astonishment on his face when he discovered on that first occasion that the food had been 'eaten' and that his little stocking was full- truely magical!

ha yes thats magic!

we have to remember to eat the mince pie and leave crumbs and take a big bite off carrott

i rememeber my sister when she was little saying "I can hear him! Listen I can hear sleigh bells,shut your eyes or else he wont come".

She was so excited.I was older and knew the truth but I still shut my eyes tight....

One of us actually sneaks outside and rings sleigh bells while the other is tucking them up in bed....

lol

Last year I had ds and we were upto our eyes in diy and chicken pox so kinda missed xmas and the tree did not go up till i was discharged mid dec

now still in diy hell and doing up second reception and have told dh that its GOT to be done for 1st Dec so we can get tree up nice and early..

You go girl! Last year DH was away (in the Gulf), ds was 6wks old, and we had the most rubbish tree ever! THIS year will be different! We are in the middle of building hell, too (I'm just hoping we have a roof for Christmas- hoping to be done for mid-December )but I WILL have my perfect magical Christmas! (Sometimes I feel like that mad guy from National lampoon in my insistence that Christmas be perfect!)

in my defense, i never used the term 'lie' (i don't think i did, i'm very tired and can't be arsed to scroll down!) I see lots of parents doing a VERY commercial Xmas with Father Xmas the focus, and i don't want that, nor do i want to spend half the year telling the kids if they don't behave they won't get anything (which i hear alot in RL). As i said, if they chose to take it on, which they may well do from school friends, i'm not going to dispute it.

I'm not a miserable killjoy- honest! I'm actually looking forward to when they are old enough to take to the huge cemetary near-by for Halloween ghosty walks. But the oldest is 2yrs old, so i'll have to wait a bit (or they'll get taken into care!)

It's been interesting to see what other families do though- and the huge effort put into the 'magical' stuff. I can remember writing letters from father Xmas to my little brothers, and how happy they were. I really am in 2 minds over it...I think this thread has shown that you can 'do' Father Xmas without it being spending too much money and bribing the kids. Perhaps DS1 will be getting FC after all...

I love your comments Jooly, I think I was very privileged as a DC because my upbringing was similar. My father used to make up stories, I remember one was about hobgobblins who lived a real hole that we passed in a railway bridge-of course we knew it wasn't real but we all pretended it was! I would far rather be the mum with the magical powers than the one who cleaned!
I think you are giving your DCs the best of starts if you give them magical moments-it doesn't cost much in terms of money-just in imagination.
I find those who can't find any joy in a old man in a red coat depressing. I would much rather spend Christmas with Jooly and chocolatepeanut than the killjoys!

I think one of the problems here is that you guys are assuming that everyone has the same traditions/beliefs that you do, and so by not getting into the Santa Claus stuff we/our kids are missing out on something - quite an arrogant opinion I think.

There is plenty of joy to be had in the real world and plenty of fun to be had from stories.

My DH's family "did" Santa and he wasn't traumatised by it, my family didn't "do" Santa and I wasn't traumatised by it - we decided as a couple to not "do" Santa, when we visit my in laws and if we are staying there for Christmas my MIL likes to "do" Santa for DS, but she isn't upset or put out when DS thanks her for the pressies that "Santa" left.

I just don't get why if you don't want to lie to your kids you are some sort of killjoy?

Personally I think western kids ARE too mollycoddled, I was raised by educated parents who wanted us to KNOW that not everyone lived in the same (relative) luxury that we did, not every child raised with an awareness of how crap the world can be is missing out on the joy of childhood. Of course the starving masses are not my 4yo DS's problem but I DO think it is important for him to have empathy for them. I am trying to raise him to deal with how the world IS not how I would like it to be.

But that stuff is quite an aside from Christmas. People have different traditions, to ME this whole roast and mulled wine thing is weird, cause I was raised with BBQ Christmas lunch on the beach when the heat sits like a blanket and we play rugby after lunch.

Different people have different traditions, just because it is YOUR tradition doesn't mean that anyone else thinks it is anything but a bizarre lie to tell your children.

Do you think that Jewish/Muslim/Buddhist children are missing out on this?

I agree with Edam; children need made-up stories too. And they can accommodate reality and magic side by side- knowing that the man in the red suit is really Granddad and feeling the thrill of something different/magical at the same time. In fact, so can I at 44.

Most people who cultivate FC, the trolls, the fairies are able to convey the sense that this is not a truth in the same way as 2+2=4, but that it is on a different plane.

If you were really set on never telling your children lies, you would never read them any story that was not a pure factual account, no fiction, no fairy-tales, and you would never join in playing with their dolls without pointing out that actually dolls and teddies aren't alive and can't understand what you say.

I don't think FC is essential to having a good childhood, but I think a sense of the magical wonderful imaginative probably is.