Is there anyone here who doesn't 'do' the whole Father Xmas thing...

[TattooedGrrrl]

...or the tooth fairy / Easter bunny etc?

DH and i were discussing whether to do the Father Xmas thing with our kids (they are very small at the moment), and we don't really see the point. We DO celebrate on Xmas Day, but we aren't religious. We do have gifts and a special meal, but we don't really buy into the heavily commercial side of it all.

If you don't do it, do you get much bother from family / friends? Does it cause problems with school friends who 'believe' in him?

(and please, i am NOT critising anyone who DOES do it, i'm just wondering how parents who don't find it)

See, I thought that Christmas was wonderful and exciting because things that I really wanted and was looking forward to were going to be chosen (or mostly in my family, made) for me. I loved going to choose a tree from my uncle, wrapping presents for the family, and doing the special food. We didn't need to believe that some fat bloke was going to stuff things through the central heating vent for us for it to be a wonderful time of year.

I am going to agree reikizen

As a child from a very poor family i always looked forward to christmas all year round becuase it was the one day of the year we could do what we wanted, eat what we wanted and belive in all these magical unrealistic things without being though of as odd.

But saying that were not at all religious but i have told my children the nativity story and tryed (very hard to do) to explain about some pople belive in Jesus and God and some don't ect.

DS started the whole FC thing without us and i didn't deny his exsistence so now at 4 he is a firm beliver and im not ready to take that away from him, i don't however use him as a threat for naughty behaviour ect.

LOL cuttingmeown...

My best memories of Xmas are from similar things.

I don't see why Christmas has to involve FC to be magical. Very few of my best memories of Christmas involve the presents I was given, or if they do, it was about the fact that my parents or whoever had been so generous and thoughtful to get that wonderful thing I wanted. Most of my memories are about being together with my family, eating yummy things, Christmas Eve midnight church services, secrets about who was giving what, the same decorations coming out every year, having people to Christmas lunch who had no family of their own to go to.

That's an interesting point Charlee- if my DCs believe on their own then i'm not going to dispute it either, just as if they chose to believe in God etc i'm not going to dispute it. Each to their own etc.

I think it depends on how much you emphasise FC, if him bringing gifts in the focus of everything xmasy then yes i think its a bit but if its just part off all the goings on then i think its fine.

As long as children know that FC isn't the one that makes christmas special then thats ok.

X-posted, cmot!

I'm so glad this came up - we're trying to downplay the whole fc thing but am finding adults the biggest obstacle. My db and sil go in for it in a big way with db dressing up and everything and my mum thinks we're being killjoys.
PP what do you tell your 5yr old to say to questions from or do you intervene on their behalf

Thats what i mean PP Christmas doesn't have to have FC to make it special but to my boys its just icing on the cake that FC is about at xmas time.

I'm with Riekizen too. I have really fond memories about Father Christmas and the tooth fairy. You don't need to go mad on present buying to instill a bit of magic into their lives. It's the feel of the stocking (dad's ski socks in our case) on your feet when you wake up and the rustling of the paper as you move your feet under the covers that I want to recreate for my children.

I also find fc a really useful way of not directly spoiling my kids. When dd is asking for some new toy - I will often say she can't have it but we could ask fc for it later. That way I get to buy stuff they really want without being a pushover.

My kids are too young to grasp the difference between fantasy and reality anyway so saying he is something some people believe in but he doesn't exist won't make any sense to them.

I am finding this thread interesting as I am conflicted on the FC issue too. Not for religious reasons but more because I feel uncomfortable with telling my ds a big fat lie. He's only two but I feel I respect him too much for that. That might seem strange but I just feel uncomfortable with the idea of actively telling him things that aren't true.

But I love Christmas and I loved it as a kid adn I want him to have that magical feeling about Christmas. Hopefully we can do some of the FC thing without having to go into any detail - at least for a while yet!

We didn't "do" FC, for religious reasons - not because I have any specific problem with FC, or even the commercial aspect of Christmas, but because I always wanted to be honest with DS about what I believed and didn't believe. I would have felt uncomfortable "playing along" with the fiction, while telling him that I believed in God - I was concerned that when he found out that FC was just pretend, then he would have doubts about my honesty over other things I claimed to believe in.

With hindsight, I don't think I needed to worry, but at the time it seemed important to be honest about it

If children see the icon of Christmas as someone who brings them stuff, I think that is more than the icing on the cake.

It's totally the wrong message as to what Christmas is about.

scrappy - my kids look totally flummoxed so I intervene!

Iloveautumn - but how do you feel now about your parent's deception. Personally I am very grateful mine deceived me on that one. (I remember feeling similarly when eldest was that age btw but last year she was nearly 3 and I had no probs lying to her because she wanted to be lied to so much )

Same Iloveautumn, I am not really comfortable with lies like that. We do "surprise" presents at the end of the bed on Christmas morning but he knows they are from us/grandparents etc.

We are all looking forward to Christmas this year as we having visitors - there is plenty of love and magic without lying about some creepy fat old guy breaking into your house, sneaking into your room.

FC is never someone 'who just brings stuff' in my house, he looks after children and makes them feel special no matter what thier curcumstances ect.

FC is also never seen as creepy here i made sure of that one, he is mummy and daddys friend who helps them make the family have a lovley xmas.

DD has always been very "precocious" and was extremely concerned from an early age about a beardy man coming into her room at night

so I was blunt with her and said 'look, this is just a story'

DD2 is just your average gullible child but by now we are used to living without the FC stuff. We do mention it but it is in a camp way with a wink and a nudge.

We absolutely love christmas though - we are churchgoers so there is all that magic for a start and we have lots of magical myth to draw on from that - stars, angels, babies, wise men, camels, blah de blah. We do put out carrot and sherry on christmas eve but it is all camp theatre rather than serious persuasion. I also wrap one of their dolls up like 'baby Jesus' and put that under the tree on christmas morning. There's loads of magic to be had in christmas.

Nah not earnest, when DS sees Santa Claus in the shops and stuff he always does a far impression of a tiger to show us Santa's claws, which always cracks me up.

I don't think it matters either way personally, I know adults who don't mind that their parent's lied, I know people who DO mind about the lie, I know people who didn't have any Christmas at all cause they are of a different religion etc.

Just do what you want it really doesn't make any difference.

We do FC but last year my ds-3 worked out that there are lots of different FC as he kept seeing them aroud at different events and obviously they all look slightly different. I think the whole thing of making it magical for dc is to have family traditions like where the stocking is left/food eaten/going to a particular church service etc.

I also try to make sure my dc know its not all about getting by actualy making and giving presents to people who are special to them. And xmas time we also talk alot about the real meaning of xmas and I've told mine that as Jesus is so kind and doesn't want anything he allows all the dc to have presents on his behalf.

I think the problem comes when people take it beyond the camp-theatre and into the hardcore deception

Heard a mum at music class recently (waves to chum) who said to her son "Don't do that Archie, Father Christmas is looking!" and then looked at me and said "I'm so glad it's this time of the year, I can make him do anything now he knows father christmas is watching!" and I thought HOW BIZARRE

we aren't religious but also don't overdo the whole father christmas thing - however, the grandparents do. I have to tell my mum to stop doing thhe 'santa's fairies are watching so you had better do X, y or z'. I can't stand that.