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Original poster

Is there anyone here who doesn't 'do' the whole Father Xmas thing...

153 replies

TattooedGrrrl · 28/10/2008 12:55

...or the tooth fairy / Easter bunny etc?

DH and i were discussing whether to do the Father Xmas thing with our kids (they are very small at the moment), and we don't really see the point. We DO celebrate on Xmas Day, but we aren't religious. We do have gifts and a special meal, but we don't really buy into the heavily commercial side of it all.

If you don't do it, do you get much bother from family / friends? Does it cause problems with school friends who 'believe' in him?

(and please, i am NOT critising anyone who DOES do it, i'm just wondering how parents who don't find it)

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electra · 29/10/2008 11:28

Well as a child, I did experience the 'magic' and was very annoyed when I discovered that my parents had lied to me for years - so we are all different in how we feel about things. I'm not joking, after that I didn't trust them as much.

liath · 29/10/2008 13:16

I feel uncomfortable duping my kids into belive in anything TBH - whether it's Father Christmas or God! Either way it's some beardy bloke who's watching them all the time.

wontbepreggersagain · 29/10/2008 13:19

we don't- don't tell the children lies and personally i've never heard of the fat man dressed in red popping up in the nativity story our friends and relatives think we are bonkers but at least we avoid the heartache when kids find out its not true!

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AbbeyA · 29/10/2008 13:45

If you think it is lying, I think there is something wrong with the relationship in the first place.
I knew that my parents wouldn't lie to me, they were creating magic for me.
I could tell when my DCs were ready for the truth, if they expressed doubts I would come up with answers but when they asked I told the truth. It makes Christmas truly magical-something that stays with you all your life.
I think my DCs would be amazed if someone called it lying!
I firmly believe in Father Christmas and think my DCs would be the poorer for not having it.

AMumInScotland · 29/10/2008 14:02

I think the way that some parents approach FC does amount to lying, but with others it's not - some adults are better than others at judging how far to go with stories to allow children to half-believe them but not feel lied to, but others are very bad at it. My family "did" FC, but in quite a low-key way and any questions were dealt with in a "what do you think?" way, so when we found out the truth it was no big deal and we were happy with it.

Morloth · 29/10/2008 15:16

I think your post is a bit harsh AbbeyA, there is nothing wrong with choosing not to do Santa Claus for whatever reason, its fine that you believe in Father Christmas but no everyone does and that doesn't mean there is any problem with the relationship they have with their parents or their children.

It is a big fat lie, there isn't really a big beardy man dressed in red who sneaks into their rooms and leaves gifts. Its a NICE lie but that doesn't make it any less of a lie.

wontbepreggersagain · 29/10/2008 15:29

Morloth- thank you! i hate it when people tell me FC isn't a lie- it is, no matter how you dress it up!

Fair enough if you want to do the whole fc thing- go ahead but don't force your story/lies, some parents don't agree with it- we are not being scroogy, i want my children to grow up thinking of christmas as a religious festival not just a time to get presents, which is how the majority of small children see it these days.

right rant over.........

AbbeyA · 29/10/2008 15:42

The whole point is that I don't think it is a lie. It is giving DCs magic. I really wish the tracking FC on Christmas Eve had been around when mine were small.
I agree with A MuminScotland. I always turned it around to 'what do you think?' and they slowly worked it out. It was so lovely I am convinced that they will do the same if they have DCs.
It actually takes away from the commercialism because it is the magic that counts far more than the presents.

Morloth · 29/10/2008 15:50

Sorry AbbeyA I don't want you to get the impression that I am picking on you.

But I simply don't understand how you can say it isn't a lie? Do you actually BELIEVE that Santa Claus is a real person? Or do you like the IDEA of it?

wontbepreggersagain · 29/10/2008 15:53

you don't think fc is a lie you seriously believe that a fat man in red travels round the world delivering presents on xmas eve

no- didn't think so, therefore a lie- it is not true!!

fine maybe you want to share the story with your dc's- make the time of year magical- great, good on you. BUT it doesn't make it any less of a lie does it!

i couldn't care less what other people tell their dc's and i make sure that my own dc's don't ruin anyone's fun, but i get a bit fed up with people expecting me to tell my dc's a whacking great lie all in the interest of magic/fun.

so in other words- if you do fc- lovely, those of us who don't- thats also fine its a personal choice!

JoolsToo · 29/10/2008 15:55

do you not do witches and stuff at halloween?

btw FC is definitely real

Morloth · 29/10/2008 15:57

Sure JoolsToo but we don't tell him that they are real.

UmMwahahahaaaaa · 29/10/2008 16:12

not sure why this topic makes people so cross. do what works for your family!

i agree with what amuminscotland says, it's how you tell the story, and about judging your own kids.

i personally find the tracking website and
the 'santa's watching you' a bit weird... but still maintain that yes, FC is real in a sense, in that parents pretend to 'be' fc (to diff degrees), the world is not so simple as saying TRUTH or LIE. Spose you could call all stories 'lies' because well, they didn't really happen. Imagination is a fabulous thing.

LOL at traumatised adults finding out mermaids and elves don't exist and Hans Christian Andersen and Tolkien lied to them

Morloth · 29/10/2008 16:17

I am not cross, I am having a discussion - its interesting to find out what other people do/think.

The things you mention in your post are stories, my son likes the whole Santa Claws story thing he just knows it isn't real - its just a story, just like elves and mermaids etc.

Acinonyx · 29/10/2008 16:31

I'm with Morloth. We will tell both the nativity and FC as stories. Maybe FC can be like a game that we play but I am very uncomfortable with implying that he is real. It doesn't fit well with our general parenting ethos.

AbbeyA · 29/10/2008 16:33

I believe firmly in the idea of FC and putting magic into childhood. I suppose that strictly speaking it is a lie but it is one that gives you lovely memories for the rest of your life!
I think that I was too young to be told the truth at 6 by the older girl next door, however I didn't feel cheated because I could see, even at that age, why my parents had done it.
I would far rather that they had made it magical, than have felt they had to tell me the truth.

Acinonyx · 29/10/2008 17:19

I believed in FC until I was about 8 but I don't have particularly magical memories about it. I feel confident that there are many other ways to aquire magical memories.

electra · 29/10/2008 17:27

I completely agree Acinonyx. However well intentioned, there is no getting away from the fact that it is intentional deception. Personally, I couldn't feel comfortable promoting the idea that a fictional character is real to my children.

AbbeyA · 29/10/2008 18:54

I think that you have to do what suits you-I think we are all unlikely to change our minds and it really doesn't matter!!

Acinonyx · 29/10/2008 19:03

Of course - but it's fun to have something to argue about.

AbbeyA · 29/10/2008 19:07

true!

cory · 29/10/2008 19:11

Not sure why getting presents from mummy and daddy would be less commercial than FC- or does mummy have some special purifying influence over presents?
Am Swedish so our FC traditions are slightly different anyway, less hoho and more to do with ancient traditions of guardian spirit of the house who has to be given gifts of food and generally kept in a good mood.

Morloth · 29/10/2008 19:26

Cory, for us I think the difference is that DS knows that DH and I work at making our lives the way they are, he knows that sometimes Daddy has to work late, he knows that even though sometimes I have to what I am told by my boss even if it is something I don't particularly feel like doing. He knows that working is how money is obtained and how presents are bought and that all our hard work in the year is how that fab present under the tree came to be there.

Not really anything to do with the meaning of Christmas I will give you, but it has meaning to us that we work hard for the life we have and the nice home we are able to keep. THAT is something I want him to learn, that things don't just appear because you have been "good".

And yes, I love a good argument.

AbbeyA · 29/10/2008 19:35

I don't bring 'good' into it.

cory · 29/10/2008 20:35

Have no quarrel with your way of looking at it, Morloth- just wondering about those who specified commercialism as reasons not to involve the FC story.

And have to say I have never told dc's that they get presents for being good (except as an obvious joke when they were old enough to understand).

To us, FC is more an elaborate fairy tale that we are all part of- the enjoyment doesn't stop because you find out who is under the red hat. And it's about reconnecting with tradition; this is how it was done when Mummy was a little girl, when Grandma was a little girl...

(For me, work is more about the excitement of doing the thing I love best, so have a slightly different spin on that; going to work never feels like a sacrifice to me, so can't truthfully tell dc's this is something I do reluctantly to get them nice presents.)

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