I don’t want to send DD to nursery just because everyone else does

[cakepasta]

DD is 3 in January and we’ve been offered a nursery place for her from then. I originally put her name down because I thought it might be useful for childcare but now I’m not sure I want to send her at all. Everyone seems to think I’m being odd about it so thought I’d ask on here.

She’s an only child and is quite happy at home. We go to the library sometimes, she sees her cousins a couple of times a week and we go out to the park when it’s not chucking it down. She’s quite chatty and will play with other children when we’re out. I don’t really see what she’d be missing by not going to nursery yet.

The place we’ve been offered is 3 mornings a week but with the extra bits it isn’t going to be completely free. I work in the evenings anyway and I’d rather have the money for things we actually need tbh.

My DP thinks I’m making a mistake though. He says she’ll need to get used to being away from me before school and that nursery will help her become more independent. I said she’s going to have to get used to school whether she goes to nursery or not and it’s not as if she’ll never be around other children.

My mum has been on at me about it too. She keeps saying I’ll regret it when she starts Reception and is the only one who doesn’t know how to do anything. I didn’t go to nursery and neither did my brother, although apparently that was different because it was a different time. My sister thinks I should at least try her for a couple of mornings.

I’m not against nursery at all, I just don’t think it’s something every child has to do before school. If DD was unhappy at home or wanted to go then obviously I’d look at it differently. She’s not going to be kept away from people or anything, she’ll still be doing all the usual things and starting school when she’s meant to.

Am I being unreasonable to keep her at home until Reception? Is nursery actually that important for socialisation and getting ready for school or is it just something everyone thinks you have to do now?

Another vote for school nursery. My eldest did. My middle is currently and I will send the youngest too. It’s 3 hours a morning every day

You are certifiably insane 😂

@cakepasta Nursery is daycare for parents who work. Why would you send her to nursery if you don't have to? I was a sahm to my two dc and they weren't kept in a bubble with just me at home. We went to the playgrounds, friends, library, soft play, nature etc. Would only have used nursery as a last resort if I had to work.

I’m a SAHM but found by the age of 3 mine did seem ready for a little bit more. I put them in the pre school nursery just a couple of mornings a week to start with so only 6 hours! But it was great, it gets them used to the school environment, they make friends who will be with them in reception and school do things with them and introduce topics/various celebrations that I may not have thought to do myself.

My eldest recently started reception and it made it a really lovely easy transition for both of us as he already knew the teachers and most of the children, the routine and he already had the uniform!

I think you’re looking at this wrongly. Nursery isn’t just preparation for school but an enriching experience in its own right. It’s also not just about socialisation.

It’s the huge expansion of activities and resources that she will have access to, plus the opportunity to make choices about which of those she will utilise rather than having all her experiences directed by you.

You seem to be doing a lot with your child which is good but in these social situations you are there observing what she is doing.

Nursery for 3 mornings a week would boost her independence, her resilience, her social skills as well as prepare her for going to school.

my friend is a Primary1 teacher and says she can always tell what children have been to nursery and what ones haven’t due to social skills, independence skills and how resilient they are.

its not like you are sending your child for nursery full time, it’s 3 mornings a week which can make a huge difference to enable a child to follow routines without an adults help.

I don’t think anybody thinks that three year olds who don’t attend nursery are kept in a bubble. But most groups and classes are weekly and it won’t necessarily be the same people every week, so it’s much harder to establish friendships.

I have never sent mine full time but both attended two to three days a week. My DS’s best friend is from nursery; they aren’t at the same school but still see one another regularly and have a strong bond and he still gets excited and happy if he bumps into a nursery pal at soft play or the park and he’s 7 now. DD really likes her friends as well.

I do think it’s a pity to deny them this. I do obviously accept some people have a lot of family with similarly aged children around but I would say it would be quite unusual to be a SAHM with friendships with other SAHMS with the same aged children.

To me there are nurseries for childcare as you describe, and then there are nursery classes/school or pre-schools, which are for a few hours a day during term-time only. I am assuming the OP doesn't need childcare, and it is the latter that her husband and mother think that her daughter would benefit from.

She could, but OP is adamant she doesn’t need it at all.

Early years education is well researched and is a invaluable contribution to a child’s learning and emotional development.

A refusal to allow a child to participate, even just for the basic three mornings a week, socially about a parents anxiety and insecurity rather than what is best for the child.

Why don’t you do 15 hours of school nursery that’s totally free,

In your area maybe. Nursery is just a generic name for a setting where pre-school kids go. Where I am there was ‘St A’s pre-school’ in one church hall every morning, no parents. There was P Nursery in another church hall, ran on the same lines. And X primary nursery class, also mornings only. Plus a playgroup where parents stayed.

Don't do just because everyone else does or because it's free.
There was no free nursery when my DC were little but the school had a nursery class that took them from age 4.
I agreed to send mine one day a week which they really didn't like but it worked out perfectly for my child.

It’ll obviously be a bigger adjustment for her going to school if she’s not been to nursery, but it’s not like she won’t figure it out. I don’t really get the argument for nursery either, I was being pushed it from when dc were 6m ‘get some time to yourself’ ‘let them learn some independence’ I personally liked being around them and didn’t think a 1 or 2 year old needed to be that independent. However once my dc hit 3 I felt like they would enjoy it, so even though I was actually a bit sad to send them, I did. I think just do what you think feels right for her and when she does start school just be ready to support her through it if it’s a huge adjustment for her

My son is an only child, and I sent him to pre-school. Your daughter needs to get used to being away from you, and nursery/pre-school is a good way to start, in a structured way. Your daughter is happy to stay with your Mum, her Dad, your family members..but these are all family members that she's known since birth. They are all familiar people to her.

My son was used to stay with my parents and my SIL but pre-school was a whole different story! Pre-school meant him having to stay with adults and children unknown to him. You have no idea how your daughter will react at nursery, compared to staying with family. My son had separation anxiety and it took him 6 months to fully settle.

What you don't want is your daughter starting full-time school, and that's the first time she's been left with unfamiliar people in a 'school/group' setting. It will be a huge shock to her.

Nursery/pre-school helps social development. Learning to play along side children. Learning to socialise with different children. It also helps children understand a more structured setting, like school will be.

I work in a school without one, I can assure you we definitely don't have one regardless of name 😂 A quick google suggests fewer than half of primaries in England have a nursery/F1 class.

Yes she could but the whole point of this thread is does she need to.
In my opinion she doesn't need to.

I stand corrected 🙂
Pretty much all the schools I know of do so I thought it was pretty much the standard.

I didn't. My oldest just went into kindergarten without any prior daycare and I'm doing the same with my younger dc. No major issues.
The daycare kids also have to contend with a new teacher, new expectation and new kids.
It's a change for everyone.

I dont think its essential No.If you are home with her ,shes got 1 to 1 with you,sees her cousins and plays happily in the park.You can read to her ,and let her paint .play with toys and so on .She will benefit from that

She might love nursery, some children do… in which case she has the best of both worlds! She might hate it and fortunately you’re in a position to not force it. So I’d definitely give it ago… it’s not the end of the world if they don’t go of course, I don’t think she’ll be behind in anything, but she may struggle more with being separated from you after all your time spent together. You know her best and maybe think she’d be fine with that too? Totally your choice OP, neither a bad one.

Stick to your gut instinct. Not one part of me wanted to send my children to any form or organised childcare before their formal education. I didn't and I am so glad I didn't. They are only small for such a short while. And no, I was not a SAHM.

DGS will be 3 on Boxing Day. He’s gone to groups and clubs since he was weeks old. DDIL went back to work when he was 11mths old so he stays with her parents 2 nights a week. He will play happily with other children at his little groups, speak to them at the park etc and has fun with children of his parents friends.

In September he started the school nursery 2 mornings a week and absolutely hated it because it was the first time he’d been left on his with strangers. It took him a good 3 weeks to settle. He’s absolutely fine now, he will go in without a second glance, has his friends and is comfortable speaking with his key workers and other adults.

We can all see how much he’s grown in confidence since he’s started nursery. He doesn’t necessarily need to be there, but it’s been really good for him.

i wouldn’t send her. You can consider school nursery in September.

Send her to the school nursery next year. She will learn so much and make new little friends. You'll also get to know the other parents.