Baby on the way, partners kids overnights

[TheHonestHedgehog]

My partner and I are expecting a baby. We live in my small two-bed terraced house.

My partner's two kids (12 and 8, boy and girl) stay with us every other weekend, Friday to Monday, in the second bedroom, which they share, which is already an issue due to their ages and lack of space - it is also used as my home office the rest of the time.

We’ve been trying to move for 2 years but ongoing divorce complications have stopped this - we’ve been together over 3 years and the divorce is still ongoing with no end date in site.

Until the financials are settled we can not afford to move.

The second bedroom at some point will become the babies room. I’m aware people will have opinions on this, but there is physically no other option when it comes to the storage and things we will need for the baby, that room will have to be used for them.

The living room is not big enough for any sort of blow up or temp beds, and the dining room is open plan with the kitchen - which we intend to utilise as my new office and play space for baby. Further to this, with it being open plan it is near impossible to heat in winter.

The second bedroom is not big enough to have a double bed in, so we can’t even swap with ours as an option.

No other family are nearby, both sets of parents are over an hour drive away and paying for separate accommodation for three nights a fortnight isn't affordable either - we’re both self employed.

Our plan:

• Overnights continue for now with the kids in their usual room prior to the birth but with changes to the room setup while we prepare and get what baby needs.
• After the birth, we step down to Friday and Saturday nights, home on Sunday evening so they're rested for school and a small step towards the next adjustment.
• Overnights to pause once baby is 5 months old and we start moving them into the second room, they will resume as soon as we move (hopefully not long after this)
• Until then: Our Saturday and Sunday days, 9am to 7pm, plus continuing the other in-week contact my partner already has with them.

Their mum thinks we should find a way to keep all three nights, with airbeds or paid accommodation. We feel this is not realistic with a newborn and the space available.

And without giving too much context - most of the ongoing divorce complications are because their mum is fighting to keep the former family home (that she can only just afford at a big stretch) for the wellbeing and ongoing routine of her children as priority. A year before she had agreed to sell so everyone could move, my house was on sale and we had an offer in on a bigger home, which was all undone as she later changed her mind.

Finally - I know people will wonder why have you gotten pregnant when this is the situation, but with no end date or visible outcome to the divorce in site and me getting close to “that age” I didn’t want to wait and risk never being able to have a baby of my own. We expected to be trying for a while but have been extremely fortunate that it’s happened right away 🫶🏽

I would like people’s opinions on our plan, any other suggestions, similar situations or what they think should happen here, the last thing we want is to push the kids out but things are already a struggle with space, them sharing, their ages and genders.

Thank you

You will not want your baby in another room. I thought I’d make the move when mine turned 6 months, but now she’s 9 months now and there’s no end in sight.

Keep baby in with you for as long as it takes (moving them into your room for 3 nights EOW if needed if they’re older) or give older DC your room for the 3 nights and you sleep elsewhere. I think you just absolutely must suck this up and keep the older DC on their agreed schedule - do whatever it takes. I get having the baby but the older dc must be provided for (albeit with the resources you have). Get a second hand sofa bed for the lounge and you and DP sleep on that when the DSC are staying? The lounge must have room for a small double sofa bed to be extended.

Baby in with you for a year.
Then remodel downstairs.
Dining room becomes open plan lounge.
Lounge becomes office/weekend bedroom/storage for toys etc.

Do not under any circumstances reduce the contact time with the other kids. Thats a shitty thing to do at a very vulnerable time for them.

This can’t be real- no one is that unaware surely?
I doubt that OP will be back.
The DP is probably a cocklodger.
The OP has no other posts.

You think a boy and girl should share a sofa bed? at 12 and 8?

and they will most likely be at least 13 and 9, if not 14 and 10??

Nope - one in the bedroom with the baby (or baby stays in parents room) and one downstairs

Those poor kids. Seeing Dad twice a month for weekends, having his new GF enforced on them and now replaced with a new baby.

And for reference OP how he's treating his ex/kids is exactly how he'll treat you one day. I'd keep that house and don't tangle finances with him.

Your partner should move back into the family home until this is sorted.
HE has to house his children, not you.
You stay in your house with your baby until it is all sorted.
I feel so sorry for all children involved in this mess.
He shouldn't be having more children when he cannot house the two he has.
Perhaps if he is back in the family home it will hurry things along.
He is the worst type of father.
You will see that in the near future.
The way he has behaved towards his children will mean you and your baby will barely register.

With suchba man, selling your own small home is madness.
Women like you end up often homeless when the relationship breaks down and you want to leave a house you have invested in.
You will see him do what his wife is doing, dragging out the sale, while you and your poor child are homeless.

Think long and hard about what you have signed up for, most likely a disaster that you have rushed into for a baby.

No way should you sell your home.
Such naivety!

Agree with most others…the baby stays in with you until you move house. The kids sleep in their bedroom Friday to Monday as has always been the plan. You’re over complicating this whole thing, presumably because you don’t want his other kids around as much. I feel sorry for his kids being seen as an inconvenience or a problem to be solved.

This really is some bullshit, if ever I've heard some 😒.

Buy a double sofa bed for your living room.
You and partner sleep downstairs when his kids are staying over. Let them have a room each. Keep baby with you in the living room at night, and transition baby to the nearby dining room over time. Everyone has space and privacy - with minimal cost and least disruption to the kids.

Baby doesn’t need their own room at 5 months!!! What a ridiculous excuse to kick his kids out.
Baby can stay with you until they’re 2/3 years old, even older maybe.

Sell and invest the money in a high interest account.

Rent a 4 bed

Why would anyone have a baby with someone who is still married to someone else?
This place is crazy at times.

YABVVVU and utterly selfish. Baby stays with you until you move. Step kids do not get edged out by new baby.

Wow absoloutely unreal that anyone bearing children in a mothering role would have so little regard for children

Yes you might have felt time wasn’t on your side but this isn’t a usual first time parents situation. Your partner has kids, you knew that. They were here first so they need to be accommodated first. A baby can stay in your room as long as needed, his kids ages mean they need sleeping arrangements not with you. All it screams is trying to get rid of his kids to make room for your new baby, just no… imagine you were one of those children and this is the situation you’re growing up in

Baby sleeps in with you until you move and you increase some storage in the other bedroom for baby’s clothes. Small baby’s don’t need much

Why does the baby’s stuff need to be stored in your step kids room? Babies don’t need a huge amount of stuff, and a cot and clothes storage can stay in your room until you’re able to move house. It reads like the whole house will be available to a non-mobile baby while your step kids don’t even get a place to lay their heads.

Wow the fact your first reaction is to reduce and remove your step children is very telling how it is going to be going forward. Part of my thinks no way this is real....other thinks yes there are people that are so unaware of what they are doing is harmful emotionally to some children.

Only option is to keep baby in with you until you move.....not move the step children out.
Next I would say is change the living room to a bedroom for you guys, step children in the largest bedroom, baby in the smallest bedroom.
Never is the option of removing your step children's time with their dad.

I would like people’s opinions on our plan, any other suggestions, similar situations or what they think should happen here, the last thing we want is to push the kids out but things are already a struggle with space, them sharing, their ages and genders.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing but why the fuck would you and their father cause so much disruption to their lives in such a short space of time?

You and partner shouldn’t have even moved in together until there was sufficient space for the children never mind add another child to this mess.

Why do you think your partner can just opt put of his parenting responsibilities because you and he are having another child? You don't need to put a 5 month old into a separate room and he needs to put his children first, not stop having them overnight because it's not convenient any more. Frankly, I think both you and he are irresponsible to be bringing another child into this unresolved mess.

Buy a bed with storage underneath it and keep baby with you on the nights the two kids are sleeping over. A 5 month old does not need their own room.

Keep the baby in your room untill you move. Your partners children are as important as your child together. The children will be thinking that their father doesn't want them any more now the baby is here. You don't want to start their sibling relationship off badly,when it isn't any of the Children's fault.

Just because you want a baby, doesn't mean you should just go ahead and have one, OP. You already have 2 children (albeit his, originally) and their needs should have come first - above your own wishes.

Baby doesn't need a room at 5 months. Baby stays in your room until you move.. simple.

I’m presuming this is rage bait.

Just in case it’s not, no. your husband shouldn’t stop having his children overnight because he has another baby. If this is true, your husband is a terrible parent, you are irresponsible too for having a baby with him, and I feel sorry sorry for all of the children.

No one should be having children they can’t provide for properly.