Parent keeps messaging me about incident between our children at school

[FluentAmberScroller]

Would really appreciate some advice from other parents ❤️

I’m dealing with a bit of a friendship situation between my children and another child at school, and I’d love to hear how other parents would handle it.

Recently, the other child’s mum contacted me to say her daughter had been coming home upset and saying my children had been unkind to her. I’ve also been hearing from my children about things this child has said to them, including calling one of them rude or horrible and telling them to go away during an activity at school. One of my children spoke to a teacher about an incident, and the teacher addressed it with the other child.

Now I’ve received another message saying that one of my children told the other child that Father Christmas isn’t real. I’m going to speak to my child about this, although they still believe in Father Christmas themselves, so I suspect they may have repeated something they heard elsewhere without really thinking about it.

What I’m finding difficult is that the other parent has said she is “struggling to see how we move past this” because her daughter is only six and she wants her to believe in Father Christmas for as long as possible. I understand why she is upset, as it’s something magical for young children, and I’m not dismissing her feelings. However, I’m unsure how I’m supposed to approach this, particularly as my child still believes in Father Christmas too.

I completely understand that all children can say or do things that upset others, and I’m not suggesting my children are blameless. We teach them to be kind and respectful, but they’re still learning how to manage friendships, disagreements and their emotions.
What I’m finding difficult is that I seem to be receiving messages about different incidents quite frequently, and I don’t want this to turn into a daily back-and-forth between parents. I want to deal with things appropriately, listen to my children, and take concerns seriously, but I also feel that children need some space to learn how to navigate friendships, with guidance from parents and teachers where needed.

How would you handle this? Would you continue discussing each incident with the other parent, suggest that the teacher helps manage any issues at school, or have one calm conversation with the parent to agree on how to move forward?

I’d really appreciate hearing how others have handled similar situations, especially when both sides of the story need to be considered. I want the children to feel happy and safe at school, without the situation becoming bigger than it needs to be. ❤️

I would say ‘what goes on in school stays in school. kindly do not send me any more messages.’

this is utterly pathetic and she clearly has way took much time on her hands. Getting wound up over saying go away and Father Christmas??? I work in a secondary school - she will have a rude awakening when her kids get there!

Tbh id just say your kids still believe in Santa so she may have her wires crossed and then block her.
How does she even have your number anyway. Stop entertaining the madness.
There's a lot of school left in them.

Are your friends with the parent or is this an unusual level of contact?

The Father Christmas thing can be so tricky but you can just say your DC also believes so it must just have been playground chatter between the children.

With other things, if you’re not close and it’s just kids back and forth rather than anything serious, I’d just reply that they do seem to be having trouble lately and you’re sure they’ll work it out and find their way. Keep it brief. Use the same reply every time. Don’t engage. Some parents get way too involved in what should just be children finding their way together.

“Hi, I’d rather not have this back and forth between us, let’s just speak to the school if there is an issue? My children still believe in Santa too so there must be crossed wires somewhere.”

If you feel it’s worthwhile please speak to the teacher about this to let them know you’ve asked them not to send any more messages to you in case this ramps up them contacting the school, and the teacher can keep an eye out too.

Respond that you will speak to your child and that you are sad that her child is upset.

Add ... that in future please ask your LO to report any mean behaviour to the supervising teacher because the staff are right there and can help decipher more easily what is going on and how to handle children being children in the playground.

I trust that they will contact us parents when it is wise to do so. Truth is, kids can be unkind and kids can be upset while learning social communication, kindness, following rules and protecting their own right to private spaces and friendships.

she got my number form the class WhatsApp group.

Nope, we’re not friends. She has her group of mum friends that she speaks to at the school gate and I’m not part of the gang 🙈

She's being ridiculous.

Some children told my son that Santa wasn't real. I just told him that some people believe in him but not everyone does. I'm not sure if he totally believes in Santa now but he's definitely still expecting presents from Santa aged 7... If your child hadn't said anything other children would or TV might.

I think I would ask her to address any issues to the school. Is she your friend or just a random parent? If you have some sort of friendship I might try speaking to her in person.

I'd only ever do this through teaching staff. Golden rule.

”Problems at school should be dealt with by the school- please contact them”

You talk about your DD and then about the parent complaining that one of your children told her dd that santa wasn't real. Is this the same or a different child?

If there is any potential bullying going on, I would want to deal with it aggressively. It is hard to get an accurate picture though not being present and relying on 6 year olds reporting after the fact. If it’s enough of an issue that parents are talking, it’s probably time to ask the teacher what they are observing.

as for discussions of Father Christmas, I would not entertain those. A child is allowed to tell the truth. Parents have to deal
with the fallout of the lies they tell

Hardly worth entertaining. Tell her to talk to the school if she is concerned there are issues and mute and ignore her @FluentAmberScroller

Father Christmas isn't real so what does she expect you to do? Make him real?

Just a random parent

Because of her loaded language I want to offer the option that you ignore the message and play dumb if she brings it up. Then suggest you meet at school to discuss it all with them.

I have twins and they stand up for each other if they think someone is being kind to one of them.

Just ignore. And switch off read receipts on WhatsApp.

I agree because I see no upside to dealing with someone who says they don’t know how they’re going to get through a situation as an opener.

I like this. Plus "I'll trust the teacher/school with the best way to handle, if you don't mind, as we're just repeating what children have told us".

Personally, I would tell her that you are going to speak to the school - and then I would do just that. 6 year olds rarely understand the full situation, and they don't always lie as such, but they tell their truth, seen through their narrow/limited understanding. So I would go to the teacher to find out what they think, and get their more accurate side.

Depending on what happened in that meeting, I would proceed in different ways with the mum, but they all end up in you telling her that in future these conversations should be had with the teacher.

That way, you seem (and are) proactive, and reasonable, you are taking measures to find out what is going on and address it... but you are also demonstrating to her and making it clear that the school the place to go for in-class problems.

As for the santa thing - I think your kid might believe less than you realize... Children often "believe" in front of their parents for a while, even if they have heard or found out that he isn't real.

I wouldnt even respond. Just block and ignore her. Shes looking for drama and who gives a hoot whether her kid cry over Santa being real or fake.

Not your kid, not your problem.

I agree, just ignore and block her. These messages achieve nothing. If she has a problem she can go through the school.

Tell her to report concerns to the school. Then see how much the teachers don’t give a shit about who believes in Santa.

The kid is going to find out soon enough anyway. I never believed and didn’t tell my parents I didn’t believe and I told other kids at 5 years old.

Block the parent.
Talk to the school about the situation. Mother shouldn't be contacting you directly. School need to deal with it.
A parent tried to do this to me after the school had told them not to contact me. I reported all back to the school and they dealt with the parents very firmly.

What a sensible post.