DS10 said his birthday was rubbish because I didn’t get him one decent present

[Dizevan]

DS turned 10 yesterday and this morning before school he told me his birthday was rubbish. Apparently I should have got him one good present instead of a load of things he didnt actually want.

I spent about £110 altogether which is a lot for me. I got him a football, a football shirt, a lego set he’d mentioned wanting and a couple of smaller bits. Got his favourite cake as well and let him choose what we had for tea. Nothing amazing but I thought it was a decent birthday and he’d seemed happy enough opening everything yesterday.

The thing is he wants a Switch 2. Has been going on about it for months because one of his friends got one for his birthday a few months ago. He knew he wasnt getting one though because I’d already told him I couldnt afford it. He didnt even ask for one for his actual birthday this year, he’d asked for the other things I’d bought him, which is why I thought I’d done alright really.

This morning he was saying I should have just bought one decent thing rather than wasting money on stuff he didnt want. The lego was something he’d mentioned before and he played with it yesterday so I dont know if he genuinely didnt want any of it or if he’s just annoyed about the Switch.

I’m not expecting him to be over the moon with everything I buy him and I know he’s only 10, but I was quite hurt by it. I’d put money aside for weeks and tried to get him things he’d like. I cant just magic up the money for a Switch because someone at school has one.

His dad hasnt contributed to his presents this year either but thats a separate issue really and I wasnt expecting him to.

I dont want to make him feel bad for being disappointed but I also dont want him thinking birthdays are rubbish unless he gets something expensive. Am I expecting too much gratitude at 10? Would you have a word with him after school or just leave it?

I was ten in the 70s, and I’m
pretty certain that most of the kids in my class would have been smacked if they’d told their DP their birthday was rubbish.

Hes after a Switch 2 even 2nd hand they are running at hundreds. Too new for there to be many on the second hand market. They are out less than a year.

But I think id he'd got the headphones he wanted and the current football top all would have been a very happy wee boy.

40% of very little is very little 40% of a lot is a lot - same with 10% - the answer is that you don't want to which is fair enough but stop digging at those who do. In my experience it is the people with the least who are the most generous.

This.
Bloody hell.

Same 😂

Yes those with little probably do give lots away, but Op is probably having to go without to try and save what she can to get her own son, a decent Birthday and Christmas. Its really not appropriate to be asking her to give any of her money away. She doesn't sound much better off than a lot of the families who'd be putting tags on trees.

£100 is a lot but is not a huge amount of money for a kids birthday or Christmas in 2026.
You could easily blow that on a single kids lego set or it wouldn't even touch a bike or many scooters.

Sounds like he is turning into a spoilt brat..Full.of expectation and Entitlement.

And very disrespectful.towards you.

I.think what you spent was more than.enough. Don't beat yourself up about it.
😻X

Oh OP the gifts sound lovely - I do think it’s just a case of comparing with friends.

Frustrating/upsetting but definitely worth having a word with him about it x x x

I think in last decade or so kids have become very materialistic. I am not sure they can be entirely blamed as parents have become very indulging.

I think it’s from the commercialisation of Christmas and other holidays. Whatever the reason, kids have become pretty entitled and ungrateful. Not sure if they are going to develop a sense of gratitude as adults when they have grown up with so much consumerism like no other previous generation.

I have l already said that we could agree to differ - but you seem to want to snipe at every possible opportunity. I suggested that the OP used this as an opportunity to teach her son a bit about the value of money and how other children might have a lot less than he does and so he might think about his position. You chose to turn this into "the OP is on the breadline" when she clearly isn't - although she has obviously saved hard to afford the presents her son was then very rude about.

You are clearly projecting - I don't know why but docking £15 from a present budget of £110 is not someone who is barely a level up from a charity Christmas tree - lets just be real about things. You may not be able to afford £110 on presents or to give away £15 but others can (and others may have different priorities to you when it comes to what they keep and what they give away) but please don't create a little match girl scenario where it is clearly irrelevant.

I have a 9, nearly 10 year old son and a just turned 11 year old son. I wouldn’t mind betting that he was tired coming out of school given it being so close to the end of term and he’d just done a whole day of lessons. I know my sons are much less ‘happy’ at these times and they can find big events like birthdays overwhelming. It may be that he was a bit irritable when he came home and he took it out on you, the presents being the easy thing to be able to blow out of proportion for him. Tomorrow’s another day, I would see how he is then.

I'm assuming it was a joke. The sentiment made me laugh

This
how ungrateful!

my kids would never behave like this!

Say "oh well, you don't bother with me next year and I won't bother with you"

Ungrateful little toad. 11th birthday celebrations now cancelled.

I would return everything and get my money back. You need to teach the ungrateful brat a few of life's lessons

Tough love required. Recover the gifts and either return/ dispose of (nuclear option) them or conceal them until you have a serious conversation around respect, love, cost and gratitude. As others stated, it’s possibly only been a childish sulk reaction. Nonetheless it was hugely disrespectful. This needs to be addressed, not mulled over in your head or on here. Getting off topic slightly, there might be a bit of simmering resentment- on this occasion aimed at you - because his Dad isn’t on the scene, regardless of the circumstances of your separation. Perhaps worth a thought. And lastly - well done you for being a loving, thoughtful Mum.

Yes it is really difficult for parents today as children are bombarded with tv adverts etc plus are influenced by what their friends have. I can remember being disappointed at the age of 10 on my birthday receiving one present "The observers book of trees", I actually wanted "The observers book of DOGS"! In the 1960s most of us just got one present and a cake on our birthdays. A stocking with sweets, nuts and a tangerine, plus a board game like monopoly and a jigsaw kept us happy and busy at Christmas. Yes there were children who received brand new shiny bicycles, and scooters, but we all played out together and they realised they were popular if they shared. Move on a generation and prices and expectations rocketed. In the 1990s my mother who lived 200 miles away phoned my son and asked him what he wanted for his birthday and he asked her for the new full England football kit. Of course she agreed and sent me a cheque for £10 to buy him one. She had no idea the shirt, shorts and socks were about £30 even then! In year 6 at primary school my grandchildren were encouraged to walk home with friends rather than be picked up by parents to prepare them for secondary school, so they were allowed to take mobile phones with them. They were handed in to their form teacher in the mornings and given back to the children at 3pm. Some of the parents thought their children were too young for phones, but there was a few of them and they accepted it. Ours had cheap smartphones with thick folding covers and stick on screensavers to stop them breaking and were really happy with them. Move on a year to year 7 and they arrived at their new secondary schools and they were mocked by others for the covers and took them off! By year 8 they said everyone else had an apple I phone, and asked for them every Xmas and birthdays but it never happened! They just accepted it and now they are teenagers I just give them money so they can choose what they want. I think the presents you bought your son were generous and brilliant, and am sure there are many children out there who received much less. Dont be hurt by your son's lack of appreciation, ten year olds can be tactless, haven't yet learnt how to be caring and considerate but with gentle ongoing prompting will, if you just explain to them that kind of behaviour and those comments are totally unacceptable. I would have been quite harsh and just replied "tough luck, get over it " but many of today's parents are much softer.

Yeah yeah, here's a tiny violin.
Don't project your problems onto what was a throwaway comment, one that many older generations would make.
Rude ungrateful children are a product of their upbringing. Not teaching them is abuse as well.

Too much understanding, not enough teaching. It’s ok to understand why they behave as they do (tired etc) but it’s also important to teach them that words hurt.
Otherwise they’ll grow up expecting everyone to always bend to their will. And the world doesn’t work like that.

Yip 10 year olds are still learning.
And things are much more expensive than people on this thread realise.

£110 is enough but its not a huge amount esp if you are looking at big ticket items like bikes, scooters or any sort of tech.

I think I shelled out £110 for a strip for my wee boy last year and I must say thats all he got from us.

I'm finding the language used to describe this wee boy on here disgusting, toad, brat, shit how disgusting that people find that acceptable to describe a little boy.
And thd usual MN bias I bet Op would have had different responses if it was a girl who's gifts weren't quite what they wanted.

And thd usual MN bias I bet Op would have had different responses if it was a girl who's gifts weren't quite what they wanted.

No, a girl who behaved and spoke like that would be equally rude and ungrateful.

No - there was a thread posted a day or so before this one - it was taken down in the end at OP's request but it was about a girl, older than the child in this thread, who was not happy with a birthday gift and told her mum so, and many of the responses were just as harsh if not more harsh because the girl was older.

Yes that is definitely a learning here for sure but I’m perplexed by the idea that his mum got him things that he didn’t want and so he should simply be grateful he got something.

Such a strange concept. He wanted the £100 version of something, his mum bought him the £40 version. It would seem he would have preferred to have not got any other pressies (which totalled £100) and got the 1 item totalling £100. That seems 100% reasonable to me. The way he articulated it was wrong. His mum did her best and just missed the mark on this (as we all have done and will continue to do with our kids- constant learning curve honestly!).

this is just one of the circumstances where no adult should be throwing a tantrum by taking the gifts away and saying you don’t get any, nor giving him a clip around the ear (are we in 1950?) but just a sit down and chat between mum and son about how they both work other on this. He needs to learn to be more tactful and nicer to his mum who clearly is trying her best and trying to give him fab birthdays , and she needs to understand he’s growing up and wants to have a say in what he finds most useful.

this meant rocket science. Some of the replies on here are crazy.

How did he speak? From what OP says we don’t actually know if he said it all very politely!

@Dizevan I hope you’ve taken the helpful advice on board and had a good chat with your son. Ignore the horrible posts - I’m sure your son is a lovely boy who just needs some guidance