DS10 said his birthday was rubbish because I didn’t get him one decent present

[Dizevan]

DS turned 10 yesterday and this morning before school he told me his birthday was rubbish. Apparently I should have got him one good present instead of a load of things he didnt actually want.

I spent about £110 altogether which is a lot for me. I got him a football, a football shirt, a lego set he’d mentioned wanting and a couple of smaller bits. Got his favourite cake as well and let him choose what we had for tea. Nothing amazing but I thought it was a decent birthday and he’d seemed happy enough opening everything yesterday.

The thing is he wants a Switch 2. Has been going on about it for months because one of his friends got one for his birthday a few months ago. He knew he wasnt getting one though because I’d already told him I couldnt afford it. He didnt even ask for one for his actual birthday this year, he’d asked for the other things I’d bought him, which is why I thought I’d done alright really.

This morning he was saying I should have just bought one decent thing rather than wasting money on stuff he didnt want. The lego was something he’d mentioned before and he played with it yesterday so I dont know if he genuinely didnt want any of it or if he’s just annoyed about the Switch.

I’m not expecting him to be over the moon with everything I buy him and I know he’s only 10, but I was quite hurt by it. I’d put money aside for weeks and tried to get him things he’d like. I cant just magic up the money for a Switch because someone at school has one.

His dad hasnt contributed to his presents this year either but thats a separate issue really and I wasnt expecting him to.

I dont want to make him feel bad for being disappointed but I also dont want him thinking birthdays are rubbish unless he gets something expensive. Am I expecting too much gratitude at 10? Would you have a word with him after school or just leave it?

Yes, my inlaws used to do this and certain cousins. Bought absolute tat even though they're all loaded.

I haven’t said anywhere that I wouldn’t correct the behaviour or anything like that. That was your assumption. It’s vital that we understand where behaviours are coming from to make sense of them. If we don’t understand our children, how on earth could we appropriately parent them? It’s possible to have understanding and correction in parenting simultaneously, the two things don’t exist in isolation.

Nobody has said they'd let it go.
Everyone knows this is best resolved with a conversation, certainly not a clip round the ear or calling him names.

How you deal with unwanted gifts, be polite say thanks but take an adult approach to dealing with it.

Gift receipts were invented for a reason, so people can exchange discreetly, a 10yo needs adult help to do that.

@Dizevan I hope your are both doing ok.

Mine confessed at about that age that they hated stocking fillers. That they didn't want craft sets etc. and they thought I was wasting money. Perhaps he'd rather you'd gone to CEX and bought a Switch 2 second hand or offered to pay for half of it or something. It sounds like you bought him a Lego set but then in his eyes wasted money you don't have on stuff he didn't want. You could have used whatever money you didn't spend now on buying a Switch 2 for Christmas. Mine bought the portable Switch (first one) with Christmas money. I found a birthday list one year that included "things I don't want". I think the issue here is the way he told you rather than what was said.

I think the Switch 2 is a red herring he accepted it just wasn't happening. Its too new to be massively discounted even second hand

The bigger issue in his eyes is the footy top (last years 3rd strip) rather than this season 1st strip.

Neither of mine ever used craft kits.
I remember trying to avoid buying tatt and my older kid giving it 'whats the point in having a birthday if I can't get xxx' I can't even remember what the tat was he was after

I'd take all the presents back from the ungrateful sod and he could go without with an attitude like that

Just a slight warning,some single mums with sons are raising entitled misogynistic spoilt babies their are whole studies on this subject. He's 10, what he said was really rude and hurtful. Next year put money in a card and let him realise how much things cost. Please try not to take it personally but maybe start getting him doing chores and getting paid for them working towards buying his own switch.

The slap would have come ftom Mum along with loss of whatever gifts I had been given!!! We didnt have a lot growing up some years were better than others. Talking to my younger sibling who was stressing over getting their kids "everything they wanted" and skinting themself I said, what dyu remember about our Christmas'. The reply was the dinner, the family games, having grandparents around all day and watching TV. So actually not one gift remembered. It did make them think about not spending ridiculous amounts just do their kids could keep up with their peers.

Money in the card he'd buy the footy top of his choice & the headphones.
Hes already said cut the filler extra gifts.

Money in cards is boring, but not being able to deal with not quite right gifts is why tweens end up asking for money.

Ops boy isn't spoilt hes just a wee boy who's been excitedly waiting on his new top & new headphones, only to be disappointed by ones that aren't quite what he wanted.

Have you read all the posts? The son didn’t want her to spend more necessarily , he likely wanted one gift for the total value not lots of things which weren’t as good which totalled to the same amount. It was purely a communication issue about his preference and he was disappointed as he likely wouldn’t use the things she bought him.

Why are posters so horrible?
I mean where none of them taught manors, if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing?

Yes thanks read most of them, I was replying to someone who would have had the same result as me had I complained about gifts. Regardless of what he "wanted" we were taught to be grateful for what we got! I have kids and grandkids and can see and have dealt with the "entitlement" issues that comes with this age and upwards. My kids had a lot more than I ever did but they were also respectful and grateful for what they had and would never had said they were "disappointed " with gifts. Grandkids, get even more and expect more and would, like OP son, probably say something if not what they expected. That's up to their parents to deal with ad they see fit. But, as I said I was replying to someone who would have had a different response to voicing "disappointment" over a gift 😐

Hahahahahahahaha! 😅😆😆

So anyway, as I said, he's just not a very nice little boy.

Get therapy. Seriously.

There are 2 parts to this though- was he rude to his mum. Yes. Should he apologise - absolutely. I am sure once his mum tells him how she made her feel then I am sure he’ll feel pretty awful.

but I honestly don’t get the whole just be grateful you got a gift even if the gift you got you will never use. Just be grateful for getting it. Seems a colossal waste of money to me. If the headphones aren’t very good or do the things he wanted the headphones to do then chances are he won’t wear them. Same for the kit he got. If he doesn’t want to wear it he should be made to just out of gratitude.

in the cold light of day I am sure both things will get worn but it is more the going forwards they can work together to ensure he’s super happy that money is being spent wisely.

We are not talking about the 'worlds' kids.. we are talking about kids in a first world country.
and no most of them don't wait 5 years for something that's a few hundred pounds.

What’s wrong with someone having therapy?

Maybe you're just not a very nice adult, who should in theory know better than to be rude about a child

he’ll stand out massively compared to his friends. It’s an extra £15-20 for this years 1st kit. He’s absolutely got a point about 1 good present vs a handful of ‘almost’ presents. Football kits matter to kids, I’m not saying to get him the switch 2 instead

So have you never received a gift that you would never have chosen for yourself or was just not a thing you wanted? Have friends/colleagues/relations never bought you something that just "wasnt you"? If they did, did you say "let's discuss what I really like so you can spend wisely next time?". I receive scented candles from one particular friend (its something she loves) nearly every gift giving time. Scented candles are not my thing. That said I thank her, give her a hug and we carry on. Im sure in conversations with other friends around I've said that candles etc are not my thing, but that's what she buys. Funny she always chooses different scents for different occasions/reasons and puts thought into it. For me that is the thing, the thought that goes into the choice she made. I don't care if its from B&M or Joe Malone, its something she classes as special so its special for me. One birthday my son, who was around 6 or 7, got a birthday present from a relative. He already had the same item, but he thanked them and put it carefully with his other gifts. Later he said, ??? bought me this, I already have one but I said thank you and didnt tell them I had one the same because they got me a present. Because he had done that, I told him that I would get him a replacement and we could donate the gift to the Christmas toy collection so another child could enjoy it. Sounds all sweetness but I was really impressed with his attitude. Not saying he was always so good with me and his dad but was proud of that attitude. We used to have zero spend limit for my kids birthdays/Christmas so they would give me "hints" within that budget. Sometimes it was one big gift and some sweets/chocolate/did etc sometimes lots of smaller items to the same value. Funny until a couple years ago my DD did same for me, used to make up gift bags for birthday/mothers day/Christmas of lots of small gifts, things I like. They don't cost the earth (carnations rather than big bouquet etc). For me it's the thought that counts 🤷

Actually it’s not the thought that counts because when gifts are a misfire it suggests the thought wasn’t there

my Dh used to spend a lot of money buying me things he thought I’d like but it just highlighted how little he bothered to understand what I like

in this case OP could have clarified which shirt he wanted rather than just assuming they are all the same

He’s being a brat.

Whisperwaves Oh different subject! 🙄

@smilingontheinside
Totally different senario comparing it to an adult getting token gift not quite right.
Nor does a gift from a relative have the same emotional investment as a child's main gift.

He's clearly had his heart set on this years football top. There is an emotional investment you aren't considering.

There is no was for him to buy it independently.

Think about it he's probably been counting down to his birthday.

Of course hes going to be upset and disappointed.

He also had " his heart" set on switch 2 and fancy headphones