DS10 said his birthday was rubbish because I didn’t get him one decent present

[Dizevan]

DS turned 10 yesterday and this morning before school he told me his birthday was rubbish. Apparently I should have got him one good present instead of a load of things he didnt actually want.

I spent about £110 altogether which is a lot for me. I got him a football, a football shirt, a lego set he’d mentioned wanting and a couple of smaller bits. Got his favourite cake as well and let him choose what we had for tea. Nothing amazing but I thought it was a decent birthday and he’d seemed happy enough opening everything yesterday.

The thing is he wants a Switch 2. Has been going on about it for months because one of his friends got one for his birthday a few months ago. He knew he wasnt getting one though because I’d already told him I couldnt afford it. He didnt even ask for one for his actual birthday this year, he’d asked for the other things I’d bought him, which is why I thought I’d done alright really.

This morning he was saying I should have just bought one decent thing rather than wasting money on stuff he didnt want. The lego was something he’d mentioned before and he played with it yesterday so I dont know if he genuinely didnt want any of it or if he’s just annoyed about the Switch.

I’m not expecting him to be over the moon with everything I buy him and I know he’s only 10, but I was quite hurt by it. I’d put money aside for weeks and tried to get him things he’d like. I cant just magic up the money for a Switch because someone at school has one.

His dad hasnt contributed to his presents this year either but thats a separate issue really and I wasnt expecting him to.

I dont want to make him feel bad for being disappointed but I also dont want him thinking birthdays are rubbish unless he gets something expensive. Am I expecting too much gratitude at 10? Would you have a word with him after school or just leave it?

My parents had a habit of asking the kids what they wanted and then buying the most budget version normally from B&M they could find plus lots of extras they hadn't asked for, when actually the kids would have preferred just the one gift they asked for. They even got a cheap B&M version of hungry hippos one year which broke after the second use along with lots of other cheap toys rather that just getting hungry hippos!

Dh loaded parents do this. If given a few ideas they only ever buy the cheapest possible option, even if i try to calibrate suggestions to a cheaper budget, they still manage to find the cheapest possible version.

I would offer to return his rubbish gifts then. He needs to know gratitude.

The bigger issue here is that he needs to understand that words hurt and that he upset you. Explain that you worked hard and you have felt terrible since he said this. He needs reality, not a sugar coated version. Let him sit with it for a while, feel sad he upset you, develop a bit of empathy then make it clear that it’s forgiven and move on. Allowing behaviour like that to go unchallenged will end up in him saying unkind things to others and him losing friendships. I taught 10 year olds for years and it is more than old enough to be humble, grateful and kind.

What the outcome of this 50-60 years ago should a child have given the same opinion is irrelevant. But the broad principle of sitting said child down and outlining what is possible is necessary. And telling him how much he has upset you. I also remember being disappointed with birthday/Xmas presents, but I would never have given this away.

I had a colleague whose son wanted an XBox and she rather unwisely decided to skip her rent payment that month so she could buy a second hand one from Cash Convertors as well as a voucher for some games. He was furious it was second hand and sat through the Xmas break in a grump because the shops the voucher was valid for weren't open until a week later.

It hurt her massively - she didn't thump him, but she did explain what was possible on her budget. She also received a NTQ from her Housing Association for her troubles, and took a while to pay back her rent arrears. Her son is a dad now, so I hope he has the life experience to avoid this particular scenario.

I was going to try and explain parenting to you, but just realised I'm too tired to care anymore.

Aye your really going to do that to a 10 yo for Christmas.

Are you bloody kidding me....not normal ? You do realise that most of the world's kids don't get hundreds of pounds worth of gifts in a lifetime.
No wonder the younger generation are barbarians...they have no idea how the real world works.

I think he'd have been happier with
This year's 1st strip &
The branded headphones

Forget the discounted 3rd strip from last year, the football, the not quite right headphones and whatever other little bits she got him.

I would have got the advice of people who know about this shizzle. When it comes to football, a shirt is not just a shirt.

I don't need abusive parenting explaining to me. I already know what it is.

He was incredibly rude, hurtful and ungrateful. However, I do think you need to educate yourself a bit more on what is and isn’t likely to be an important detail from a young boy’s perspective, as otherwise you will be wasting your money and making nobody happy, even if he doesn’t tell you what he really thinks. Sometimes getting something that is like what you wanted, but not actually what you wanted, is far worse than something completely different. It is really not surprising that an out of date football shirt in particular is crap from his point of view.

Good lesson in, we don't always get want we want but can very much be grateful for what we received!! If he is disappointed then he is disappointed...

Except slapping a kid has been made illegal for a reason….

Also you can be strict and parent your children well (and teach right from wrong) wo ever slapping them.
Thinking the only was to give children ‘consequences’ or else they’ll become <insert lazy, entitied, vandals etc… take your pick> just show how little imagination you have. And how little you know about parenting.

Send him back and ask for an alternative.

Hi OP, I’ve always worked in a professional job.

I didn’t spend that much on any of mine when they were 10. No way would I spend £400 on a Switch. They would never have dreamed of complaining if they got what you bought.

For future birthdays, a current season football shirt is always a good shout as they wear it so much.

I actually don’t think he was being rude (although wasn’t there for the tone etc) but sounds like he communicated he was disappointed. You admit you didn’t get him the shirt or ear phones he asked for and really he wanted a switch. It’s ok to feel his feelings, it’s how he handled it and behaved. Maybe next time get him the things he asked for within your budget, for example if he got the head phones that where more expensive and the shirt he wanted, that may have come to the £110- he gets less presents but they were want he wanted. I’m not saying you should have spent more or bought the switch, he needs to understand things cost money but equally you could just say sorry mate I will listen more next time.

I would tell him his ungrateful attitude means he will be lucky if he gets anything next year!!
and he better start adjusting his attitude before Christmas! If you pander to this entitlement, he will grow up in the same way and will never appreciate the value of anything and be permanently dissatisfied!
make it crystal clear the effort you put into saving up the considerable amount of money it took to buy him his gifts! 10 or not, it’s time he learnt the art of gratitude

He is 10. Don't take his disappointment and ungratefulnes to heart.

Going forward it might be good to think about what he wants (within reason) rather than fillers because you can't afford something.

Would he be willing to not have gifts on certain occasions if he knows you are then saving the money for the gift that he does want? Or if he gets pocket money or gift money will he be willing to save towards it?

Aside from this it might be worth dedicating a couple of minutes of each day with him talking about things you/him are grateful for or appreciate on that day. It would give him a chance to reflect and think about gratefulness and appreciation everyday.Maybe a moment before bedtime when it's almost time to rest. Doesn't have to be big things, just small things work too.

I thnk a change happens about this age. They go from just being happy with any presents to evaluating presents and feeling disappointed. Some of the childlike magic has gone, as it inevitably does. Their first thought is to blame you.
Have a chat with him. Don't appologise. Dont try and buy him extra, but also dont take his rejection of the gifts as a rejection of you. Help him to explore what he feels and help him to see that his expectations are unrealistic. Help him to understand that it's ok to say 'I don't really want this, might it be possible to swap for X', but it's not ok to say 'My birthday was rubbish because of you'

His behaviour is bad. But I wouldn't be particularly happy with 5 presents that are "almost what I need/want/like".

Get less stuff and spend the £100 on one thing he really wants. It's not about quantity.

Not surprised he’s gutted about last season’s 3rd kit

What a terrible response from an ungrateful child. Honestly where do you go with this. When did the value of a gift become more than it should be, as in, not monetary but from the heart. Shocking but I imagine not that uncommon. Wouldn't it be refreshing if the response from Mumsnet was something other than you should spend more than you can afford, as in above your means. No don't and anything criticising you is unfair.

Same ,but with me it would have been my mum giving me a short, slap x

Get over yourself. Surely there's more to what's valued than the price of something. Perhaps not in your world.

That's uncalled for.