At a loss for what to do, co parent retracting consent for flu jabs for 3rd year in a row.

[Fluwtf]

Hi, hope you can offer some advice. I have 2 DC (5 and 7) and co parent 50/50 with my ex. Medical appointments and the like are always left to me to sort and that’s always been the case. Today for the 3rd year in a row, my ex has called the kids primary school to refuse consent for the flu vaccine for both children. When the form came out in July to consent for the flu jab, I text ex (as I have done every year) and asked for a conversation about why I think they should have the vaccine. I was ignored and I never followed it up with him so I consented a few weeks later to them being vaccinated. I had a call from the school this morning (vaccination day) to say Dad has phoned last night and doesn’t want them vaccinated. What can I do. I am immunocompromised, I have an elderly parent with many health issues, this doesn’t just directly benefit my kids to have the vaccine but so much wider family too. I can take them to get it done through the GP but they will tell their dad and all hell will break loose.

I think unfortunately in this instance there is nothing you can do if both parents have parental responsibility.
If there are conflicting consents they cannot be vaccinated.

Take it court? This would be to cover the rest of their childhood for any vaccinations/medical treatment to be of the wider benefit of the family in the context of following medical advice.

Just go to the GP and get it done. If he won't have a conversation then do it anyway. What does "all hell" look like?

Can you take them outside of school to get it done? I’ve done this a few times when the school’s day is really far into flu season.

Specific order issue, apparently the courts usually grant it for routine NHS vaccines.

You can file the request etc by yourself you don’t need a solicitor.

When the form came out in July to consent for the flu jab, I text ex

Why? I’d just sign the consent and hope he forgets to call the school and refuse it.

Get it done at GP?

… they will tell their dad and all hell will break loose.

What exactly does this mean…….. what are you afraid of?

Yeh I’d take them to the pharmacy or gp to get it done and just don’t mention it.

There is no way I would put up with this. Make an application to the family court for a specific issue order. Your ex is a twat.

I'd get it done at the drs. Don't tell him.
If you are at risk of they become unwell then that trumps his reasoning - which he hasn't even bothered to explain to you.
You sound scared of him - what would all hell braking loose look like?

If he’s called the school I don’t think it would be overly surprising if he’s called the GP surgery as well. And they won’t do it if they know one parent doesn’t consent.

And while court would also certainly approve it, I doubt you’d get that done in time for this year’s jab.

So I’d start the court proceedings but probably not much to be done this year unless he hasn’t thought to call the GP.

Stop telling him about stuff like this? I didn't tell my DH when the email came through I just consented. I did tell him at some point but it wasn't to ask permission it was to inform him. If you can't get it done privately/at GP this year then just don't tell him when it rolls around next year. He doesn't sound like the type to remember off his own back.

Also are the kids really likely to tell him? Mine didn't even tell me the day it was done at school, apparently his lunch was more noteworthy that day. Can you just make it very humdrum, another errand to run, then go and do something much more exciting that will almost override the memory of the vaccine?

I don't usually advocate for lying to a co-parent but vaccines are not a joke and I would go out of my way to get mine vaccinated if my DH was being an arse about it. And I don't even have any of the health issues you have going on.

I’d get it done in the catch up programme or via the GP and never mention it again next year. Just pretend it’s not happening. Give your consent the morning of and stop reminding him.

Get a court order. They will rule with you.
Then there will nothing he can do about it. Make sure the court order is for all future vaccinations

Don't tell him about them.

I’ve got the exact same problem with my ex. He’s a controlling twat. His older children had all the vaccines - it was good enough for them. But our dd? Vaccines are poison and he doesn’t want her to have any.

Today, she was upset to be the only child not having it because she doesn’t want to get flu.

is there a way around it?

If your ex is refusing a childhood vaccine for serious diseases, like the MMR, I’d probably force the issue. As it’s just the flu jab, I’d probably just accept it. The flu jab is based on a prediction of what influenza viruses might be circulating this winter. The often use the Australian winter flu season as the basis for this. Sometimes they get it right. Sometimes they don’t. In the years when they don’t the world doesn’t end.

In this situation I’d take legal action.

This. Is he doing it just for the impact on you?

I would too. He sounds like he's just doing it to be controlling and play games, he has no actual reservations about the flu vaccine.

I would want it in writing that they would be able to have it every year so he could no longer play games with their health.

Court order

I was able to get my daughters done in one of our local pharmacies.

This. Your ex is being a tit, endangering his own children's lives just so he can retain that last bit of control. He's not fit to be a father.

Go to court and get him over-ruled for the next decade.

Is he going to refuse routine childhood vaccines, dental care, medical input at any point?
He’s clearly controlling you all. I’d not even ask him.