At a loss for what to do, co parent retracting consent for flu jabs for 3rd year in a row.

[Fluwtf]

Hi, hope you can offer some advice. I have 2 DC (5 and 7) and co parent 50/50 with my ex. Medical appointments and the like are always left to me to sort and that’s always been the case. Today for the 3rd year in a row, my ex has called the kids primary school to refuse consent for the flu vaccine for both children. When the form came out in July to consent for the flu jab, I text ex (as I have done every year) and asked for a conversation about why I think they should have the vaccine. I was ignored and I never followed it up with him so I consented a few weeks later to them being vaccinated. I had a call from the school this morning (vaccination day) to say Dad has phoned last night and doesn’t want them vaccinated. What can I do. I am immunocompromised, I have an elderly parent with many health issues, this doesn’t just directly benefit my kids to have the vaccine but so much wider family too. I can take them to get it done through the GP but they will tell their dad and all hell will break loose.

Just get it done and fuck him. If he's threatening then you take it to court for subsequent years. You sound scared of him so you might have to get a restraining order too. He's not the boss! Do NOT tell him you're going to do this.

I think he’s being a twat, my children have the flu vaccine, and if I was OP I’d be going to court to confirm permissions.

However it’s hyperbolic to say that refusing the annual flu vaccine is endangering their lives. About 50 children die of flu each year, mainly under 4s and those with underlying conditions, which doesn’t apply to OP’s children. And only about 50% have the annual vaccine (which I think is very low, but it’s clearly not leading to a high mortality rate).

I wouldn’t do it surreptitiously. He could use that as evidence in court that you aren’t a trusted co-parent and possibly have your medical rights removed.

what I would do is go to court and his medical oversight removed or lowered. He is actually being a problem. If the children bring home influenza, your ability to care for them could be compromised or you could die. Both would have serious consequences for the children. A flu shot is a reasonable precaution for maintaining their relationship with their mother.

Just dont tell him next time. This time, take them to the GP.

How is a court going to remove a parent’s influence when that parent is following medical advice? Courts only do things that are in the best interests of the child and unless there is a clear contraindication, they wouldn’t side with an antivaxxer.

The problem is that schools send out emails, reminding parents of when the vaccine is happening.

The kids would be at very low risk.
The immunocompromised mum and the elderly relative…. the risks are real. Including severe illness, hospitalisation. And for several thousand each year, death.

Vaccinating people who are elderly or immunocompromised often doesn’t ‘take’ so well. They are still left exposed.

Reducing the chance of the kids getting it reduces the chance of their relatives getting it.
OP is right to make this a big issue.

My ds was admitted to paed icu Christmas eve, 2010 with flu. The icu had 12 beds, every one of which was occupied by a toddler with flu. No hyperbole.

I know the absolute fear of risking losing a child. This father is risking that just for the pleasure of upsetting his ex-wife. That makes him unfit to be a parent.

From my experience of working in primary schools it’s not at all uncommon for parents to choose not to give the flu vaccine. It’s usually only a small number that have it at school, plenty don’t either because their parents don’t want it or they have it done elsewhere. It’s not a big deal. This isn’t something I think you can reasonably do without his consent or behind his back. Your co parenting relationship and the respect and trust within that is far more important for your children’s wellbeing than a flu jab.

If it bothers you that much then you have to go to court, but otherwise you need to accept that his choice as a parent is as valid as yours. The alternative is giving him valid reason to ignore anything and everything you want for your children in future.

Why would they tell him? Can’t think of a case where mine would tell their dad, who we live with

Clearly, he already has no respect for the OP, because he refuses to discuss it with her.

Get them done in the pharmacy

This must be a post Covid thing then because before the anti vax twattery started the vast majority of kids had the flu vaccine. 💉 I used to be a primary teacher and there would be one or two who didn’t have it but it was unusual not to.

Why on earth are you even asking him?

This isn't the sort of thing that needs joint permission so just get on and get it done. No need to consult the arsehole in any way. You are just making issues for yourself and your child by doing it.

I never consulted DH when our children were young and needing vaccinations. It wasn't necessary. Joint permissions were not required. It never occurred to either of us to even talk about it so I just took them to the appointments and that was the end of it.

Get it done at the doctor's surgery or your local pharmacy. Without telling him. If he gets to know then so what? What is he actually going to do about it?

Of course she can get it done without consulting her ex. She won't even be required to ask him.

Joint permission was never sought for my children to have vaccines. I just made the appointments, did it and that was that. End of story and no questions were ever asked.

Yes we, she can do it without even telling him. I would too, as it is in the child's best interests, and OP's too.

You need to go to court for a specific order. Make sure it applies for all routine vaccinations until the kids turn 18.

The flu jab is not an experimental vaccine. It's one that the NHS urges for both individual and wider society protection.

If you get the jab without consent or without a court order it will always hang over you. It will always be ammunition for this nasty twat to use against you. Get the order so you won't have to defend yourself, you won't fear what the children will tell their father, and you can go ahead with HPV, meningitis, etc vaccines when the time comes for them. You can get measles boosters, annual flu / covid jabs, etc without fear.

Getting the specific order will also show this man that there is an authority higher then him, and possibly make him think twice about using the children's health as a weapon against you.

He will no doubt find other ways to be a thorn in your flesh, but you need to cross those bridges when you come to them. It looks as if you have many years of conflict and frustration ahead of you. Don't be afraid to go to court.

It's possible your ex was a reasonable man who wasn't hell bent on abusing you after divorce, using the children as pawns.

I don't think you read the OP's post very carefully.

This man probably couldn't care less about the flu vaccine per se. He's throwing his weight around to humiliate the OP in front of the school and undermine her as parent in front of the children by showing them whose word is more important.

The OP is immunocompromised and her parents have health issues that would be affected by the flu. It really is not 'no big deal' if the children bring the flu home.

I don't have an ex. I'm a widow.

I literally consented and my daughter received the jab the following week. Didn't even speak to her dad about it. Have zero respect for him as he's highly abusive but im sure if he cared enough to object he would have.

Exactly. His consent is not required. So why discuss it with him? He'll just cause issues for the sake of it.

Denying children vaccines is denying them basic healthcare and is abusive. Doesn't the fucking twat know that children are small and vulnerable to pathogens? People die of flu. OP, get your kids vaccinated asap wherever, however you can - walk in clinic? Boots? - take the fallout, and start a court order thingy to cover all childhood vaccinations up to age 18, at which point they can decide for themselves, of course. This is one of those seek-forgiveness-not-permission things.

The world's gone mad, and it's all thanks to social media letting dimwits peddle their idiotic theories far and wide. The internet gives a voice to people who shouldn't have one! I remember in the late Eighties when we were all getting our BCGs and our polio sugar cubes, everyone got vaccinated and this moronic behaviour about refusing vaccines was unheard-of.

Breaking loose, not braking. That's for cars.

You can book appointments for children's flu vaccinations in chemists.

If you're immunocompromised and he refuses to even discuss the matter, I'd just take them to get it done.

I agree with looking into getting a court order. If he’s going to deny basic routine health appointments, who knows what silly games he might play if a child became seriously unwell.