Son has called SS on me

[Itsme20]

I have claimed pip on behalf of my son, we agreed for him to have 45 pounds a week, I was also paying his transport to
college every week out of my own money, he messaged me wanting the full amount of pip, I said no as I thought he would waste the money, he was going in on me calling me names and being horrible; I then agreed the next day he could have it all as I don’t want to fall out with him over money so I thought oh just get on with it! In the meantime he has called SS on me saying I am financially abusing him; I have all the evidence on my phone of me ordering him what he asked for with his money and the rest I transferred him, he also has added onto the report that I emotionally neglect him. And leave him in his room, he is 16 and a half years old; I have messages on my phone repeatedly asking him to do things, I’m really worrying about the visit as I havnt heard a lot of good things regarding social services and frankly I’m so hurt that he has done this to me, I have a one year old too; what would
i expect from the visit? My house is clean I have food in the cubords, I have spoilt my 16 year old son and now thinking about it this has got me no where, what do I do?

Also there’s nothing poor about my boy, spoilt yes, poor little boy? Far from it

You absolutely can do this as this is what we do. I also know very academically capable autistic adults with the same arrangements regarding DWP appointee-ship where their appointee is the contact for all benefits claims but the money goes directly to them as long as they are managing it ok.

another common misconception about so called high functioning autism ( that because you are capable of one task you’ll be capable of another).

Correct.

To be fair if there is someone you could trust with this, it really isn’t a bad idea.

So their appointee is still involved as the contact for all benefits claims ? That makes sense but it still doesn’t explain how the money is paid directly to the claimant because DWP specifically state that benefit has to be paid to the appointee who has the responsibility of ensuring it’s spent in the claimants’ best interests. Do you mean they are paid into a joint account of which the appointee is a signatory, or that they are paid to the appointee who then transfers them to the claimant ?

Research pda. The pda society website is a good place to start with this.

Ok, thank you; I have never j
heard of this before

Nope, that doesn’t wash. He’s not a ‘poor boy’ and OP hasn’t done anything wrong. You’re just having a go for the sake of it.

The DWP state lots of things, the reality within the system is far more nuanced.
it is exactly as I have stated above. It’s not unusual. They are not unaware. He attended his own tribunal with a support worker, so they know exactly who they are dealing with and what sort of help he needs.

It isn’t about whether he has capacity, it’s entirely about his ability to manage his benefit monehy Wanting to and being able to are two entirely different things and that’s why OP is his appointee. And being his appointee only gives her control of his benefits - it’s not like a power of attorney for someone with reduced mental capacity, it’s specific to his financial ability. I agree that guiding him on budgeting is a good idea and from her posts it’s clear that that’s what OP intends to do. But it needs to be a gradual transition rather than just handing it all over to him and watching him waste it.

It isn't completely clear from OP if she has actually been set up as his appointee since for that she would be interviewed etc. If her son has reported her for not letting him spend his own money that naturally that's a concern if she's not actually listed as formal appointee.

Well you’ve taught me something, thank you. I was a disability outreach worker for over twenty years and in all my dealings with DWP in this area they were rigid in their application of the rules - once a claimant was in direct control of their benefit money appointeeship was ended. Sounds as though things have improved somewhat !!

I am his appointee, everything is above board

All this talk about being interviewed to be an appointee and it being monitored by DWP is news to me and I’ve been my DD’s appointee for PIP for the last two years

Ah. I get it, yes. I asked this question upthread - specifically because many parents who have been an appointee for child DLA assume that it continues when the child is transferred to PIP. It doesn’t. You have to reapply. But in one of her updates OP says she filled in the application form for PIP appointeeship. These are issued at formal interview so I think it’s fairly clear that she’s a formal appointee.

Her son has reported her to social services, not DWP so as long as she can show them evidence that she has authority to oversee his benefit she’ll be fine.

It’s not always a formal face to face interview but DWP have to satisfy themselves that the person applying to be the appointee is suitable, so at some point at the time the application form was issued, there will have been an interview - phone call maybe ?

So as part of my son’s social care review as an adult ( post 18 ) I was told by the socks worker that they like all monies pip / universal credit paid into one account in DS name. This has they have the option to audit the expenditure. Obviously UC do their own annual audit.

My DS pip was always been spent on SAlT or psychiatrist - personal trainer - drama lessons to encourage him to be social and talk - sailing lessons for disabled - extra costs of having a PA. So it’s all easy to audit - pretty much

Obviously your son is younger but eventually this is what you have to work towards.

I am the appointee for my 18 year old daughter who has combined ADHD. If the money was to go directly to her it would be spent on weed, vapes, junk food and alcohol (essentially dopamine seeking behaviour). It wouldn't even go on something somewhat useful such as clothes (she'd live in dirty, damaged or too small clothes left to her own devices). Even she admits this. Instead, the money goes on additional tuition (even then, we're in debt due to paying for external tuition since she was in primary school), transport costs to college (she is 2 years behind her peers), therapy (currently not receiving but she engages periodically) and all the other costs which are subtly (not obvious to many) related to her condition. I just had her review, and continue to be appointed to manage her money. We are currently looking at how we can use the money to make her more independent and facilitate her getting into college, to appointments etc. herself.

I was really worried about what would happen to the money when she turned 18 as, not only did I think it wouldn't be used for the purpose it was intended for, it would have actively been detrimental to her wellbeing (see aforementioned things she would spend it on). But I was surprised when she seemingly understood what the money was spent on and how we were looking at using it more to support her independence. I'm hoping beyond hope that by the time she finishes college in 2028, she will be in a position to become independent and manage her own money.

Obviously ADHD is different to Autism, so I may be barking entirely up the wrong tree, but have you had the chance to sit down with him and explain what the money goes towards, and how PIP is to be used for supporting his independence and additional costs related to autism (and not games)? Although, as above, a social worker or someone in authority explaining it may have more impact.

And everyone who seems to be judging the OP - as long as she has been honest and transparent in both the application/review forms, her justification for wanting to be his appointee, and is spending the money on his best interests (which includes the additional household/daily living costs associated with his condition), then she has nothing to answer to you about, regardless of your opinion of how PIP money should be spent or managed. Your irk is with the DWP, not with the OP.

That's good then. In that case why worry since everything is above board and you have nothing to worry about.

I’m just hurt my son has involved them as I have heard nightmare story’s regarding them,

Yeah don’t speak too soon! , they are moving the goalposts daily currently, especially with Access To Work, that’s turned in to a real shit show. Currently have a complaint in with them as they keep withdrawing reasonable adjustments.

Frankly if it wasn’t for my fear of son being managed out of his job by an unscrupulous manager (currently it’s a good one but they change every few years), I’d ditch all of it. Keep trying to get him to join a union but it’s like shouting in the wind. I need to ask him about it as suspect I’m going to have to sit and do it with him. He never asks for help. Grrrr!

Hopefully, it will be clear up quickly. Teaching budgeting and attempting to get him to understand what his money has to cover would help him longer term.

Good luck

Do you love him? I may be wrong but there doesn’t seem much warmth in your posts.

How does he get on with his baby brother and do you live as a bonded family?
You all sound quite ‘separate’ and 16 is still quite young. Maybe talk to him and try to understand things from his perspective and why he has made a complaint to Social Services, although I appreciate it is not so easy when you are in the middle of it. This is a desperately sad situation.

I’m not even entertaining your comment

Thank you