Would you take a neighbour's child to school every day?

[MintyElephant]

A neighbour, who I don’t talk too, other than the odd hello if we see each other, asked me if I could take her child to and from school every day as she’s struggling too because of her work - her child goes to same school as mine. She’s effectively asking a stranger to chaffeur her child around, what is everyone’s thoughts on this? Yes I’m going there anyway, I can’t do everyday as I don’t do everyday anyway. What would you say if someone you didn’t actually know ask you this? Would you do it?

Nope. I wouldn't want the responsibility every single day. Nope!

If they were ever late, I’d say ‘Once more, and that’s it’.

Yes the MN moral grandstanders are always out in force

Beee kiiiind 🙄

I always tell this story
We were asked by an aquaintance if my DH ( did the school runs)would be able to help as one of her DC was temporarily at another school
Mum would take that DC
DH would take the other along with our DC
He got out, rushed over and was invited in whilst DC got coat etc
He was greeted by the womans DH cheerily scoffing a full english , he sort of waved his sausage laden fork at DH 😆
You can imagine the rage when DH got home and the arrangement was terminated that day
Cheeky fuckery indeed!
This lad has 2 parents, they will have to compromise
I inagine they have form

Omg no idea how the be kind hashtag got that big but I quite like it!

So true before you know it there will be add ons like picking up shopping etc. I do a lift to a hobby class and I regret it. When I can't go I feel guilty. Plus it's always cancelled you stop at the supermarket /pharmacy on the way home....... don't do it

Depends on the neighbour. To the right? Sure thing I'm heading there anyway. To the left? Fuck right off.

That was quick thinking when you were put on the spot!

We took a girl in our school in our car every day as her family needed the help. It was really appreciated.

I was very fortunate to go to a private school and I had no idea at the time but this girl had a bursary and a few of the parents did their best to make the girls experience amazing.

Just be unreliable about it.

You say you don't see each other, and only say hello when you do.

Take your child early every other morning, if you can, ensuring she doesn't see you. Join a breakfast club. Maybe stop off somewhere in the morning.

Encourage your child to do some after school activity, or go round a friend's house, or take your child to a cafe, shopping, playground straight afterwards.

Make your routine unpredictable, then she won't bother you.

I regularly had DD's friends' mums do me favours such as give DD a lift, look after her if I was unwell, pick her up from school if I had an appointment etc. I also drove a couple of DD's friends to secondary school several days a week and she got lifts home a few days in exchange. However, they were people I and/ or DD were friendly with, not complete random strangers! We all live in the "unfriendly" south east. Geography has nothing to do with it!

I took the two kids of a neighbour to school for years - no biggy - I was going anyway. She was very grateful - no big deal. We all became friends. That was back in the day when people weren’t neurotic about accidents etc and no I didn’t ask for petrol money - I was going anyway . They always gave me a nice Christmas present

no sadly there are to many issues with this type of arrangement

tell her where to find wrap round care and say you can't as you're not a child minder and don't have all the relevant paper work

This is why I wouldn't agree to something like this. Those little moments are precious, especially as the rest of life is often so busy. And as she gets older those will be the times when she chats to you about things that she's worried about.

That was back in the day when people weren’t neurotic about accidents etc

thing is back int he day car insurance didn't ask if you were using the car for work - now they do and if you drive between meeting you need to stipulate this on your insurance - otherwise your insurance is void. So taking a child to school that isn't yours in the car, next thing you know the insurance decided "ah your not insured to do that"

its not that people have become neurotic, its companies have changed the rules and don't say much until things go pear shaped

I turned down an arrangement like this, because the drive to and from school was the time dd was prepared and comfortable to chat about her day, and her worries. The house was too busy, we didn't get much 1 to 1 time and it meant a lot.
I did do emergency lifts though, but not very often.

Ah this made me laugh.So true.In the olden days we all did each other favours like this. Would I do it nowadays? Probably not. Children were more biddable years ago and their parents were more relaxed.This woman is already demanding specific drop off times.That is before her child starts misbehaving or just generally becoming a pain for @MintyElephant No doubt due to the ubiquitous SEND issues etc.
Slightly off topic but I can’t believe all those having ‘special’ time with their children on the way to school! That does sound a tad precious.It may be a modern thing? Mine just got chucked in the car and dropped off and waved off with a cheery ‘have a good day’ I must have been a very bad mother!

And there was one little boy, 8 or 9, who I took swimming regularly and he was so naughty. I used to pull up at his house afterwards, a car load of damp starving kids, just wanting to be home and he used to refuse to get out of the car. He thought it was hilarious. It used to drive me nuts.
I'd do it again because his mum was my friend and she was having a very tough time, but other people's kids are hard work sometimes.

I wouldn’t agree to a long term arrangement, but if neighbour was ill, or had an emergency then yes of course I would. But what will your neighbours arrangements be if your child was sick and off school?

A generation back this was the "norm" when raising young kids, and no one batted an eyelid. Now requests like this prompt Mumsnet posts with the usual depressing responses. We have become so shut off to others, every request is met with suspicion. No wonder people find bringing up families so impossibly tough!

I’m in my fifties now but a school friend of mine once told me that his journeys to school were conducted in malevolent silence for seven years because he shared lifts with a boy in our year who absolutely hated him.
I think that proves sharing lifts with another child could definitely change the school journey vibes even back in the olden days.

Firm no.

Odd trip, sure. However mornings are stressful enough without factoring another person into your routine. If you’re running late or they’re running late etc. Also it’s a nice chat without pressure and the return journey they sometimes want to decompress and open up.

The back in the day answers where you say everyone helped everyone out, I fear this is back when mums did not work or worked very little, so no need to rush back home to work from home or the office or wherever. I work in the mornings when kids are getting ready, do drop off which is my lunch break!! Race back home, log on, back out again 3 days a week for school run at 3 when I’m not in the office. Mums nowadays carry a lot of responsibility including careers so it very much is added responsibility and pressure adding another child that is not yours in to your morning rush/routine! And again a child I have never met or know or know the parents! Surely it’s a safeguarding concern too asking a stranger to do this?? I would never!

I would say definitely not, it will become a bind that you will almost certainly start to resent. I think it's hard enough in the morning making sure your own child is out of the house on time without thinking about someone else's, especially one that you don't even really know. She needs to make her own arrangements.

Ah that’s what we oldies call character building 😂 Poor lad. Seven years!

I think this is one of those things where it's ok to offer to do it for someone but a bit cheeky to ask it of someone especially if the children aren't of the same rough age.

We became life long friends with a neighbouring family sharing the school run but it was one parent taking us and the other parent bringing us all home.

A friend in need is a pain in the arse. This is not a one off favour but a full time commitment. I have been there and regretted it and it was very difficult to extricate myself. My advice would be don't do it.