Would you take a neighbour's child to school every day?

[MintyElephant]

A neighbour, who I don’t talk too, other than the odd hello if we see each other, asked me if I could take her child to and from school every day as she’s struggling too because of her work - her child goes to same school as mine. She’s effectively asking a stranger to chaffeur her child around, what is everyone’s thoughts on this? Yes I’m going there anyway, I can’t do everyday as I don’t do everyday anyway. What would you say if someone you didn’t actually know ask you this? Would you do it?

If her DC and mine were friends id advise her of the days and times im doing school run and if he comes fine.

Otherwise if my DC and hers werent friends. Firm no

I'd share lifts to make life easier for both of us but I wouldn't agree to do them all, no.

I did

I didn’t mind doing the odd favour in days when I did the school run but wouldn’t commit to it on a regular basis, I used to enjoy the time just the two of us chatting, others were sometimes late or they forgot something etc, a one off in a blue moon fine but not every day, it would be a no from me.

How condescending

No

when I was in primary school, I was being raised by my single dad, he worked full time and struggled other than odd help from his parents for school, couldn’t get us to school, I have memories of a neighbour taking us - he was old and retired, my dad knew him well and we knew him, knew his name, chatted with him. I don’t know of the arrangement whether he felt sympathy for my dad and offered or my dad asked, but being from the south of England, well we do help each other out! He had no children, no job so it wasn’t complicated for him and my dad was on his own and genuinely struggling. This child has two parents, not one.

Whilst it would be okay to help out now and again, I would not do this on a daily basis.

You have two children of your own, plus work. Your neighbour needs to make their own arrangements for getting their child to school.

ETA - I have just read your update @MintyElephant - As this child has two parents, they need to sort out the school run between them, and not expect another (already very busy) neighbour to do this for them!

If you don’t know him that makes it even more tricky. Wonder how he would feel about it too? Is it just the morning- or after school as well?

What if he turns out to be a rude little bullying shit to your own kids? The CF of a mother saying he had to be home for a certain time too! If that’s the case why isn’t she or the father organising that???

nope - tell her to pay a childminder or nanny!

I was going to say yes to this until I read your updates. I would absolutely not be committing to this under your circumstances. We are very close to all of our neighbours and the kids are around the same ages and we walk to school (5mins) so if that was the situation I absolutely would. But no to yours 100% you would be silly to put yourself and kids in that situation and it’s rude she’s asked you tbh!! She needs to sort another childcare option maybe point her in the direction of breakfast club or a childminder.

We did this for a while when my kids were younger, taking a child who was in my child's class.
It didn't work out because the other child kept being an absolute d**k to my child and it was making my child feel uncomfortable and upset in their own home (but very much managed to help me see the dynamic in school which helped when liaising with the teacher).
The final straw: I have to be super careful around certain illnesses because of a health condition I have, one of them being D&V. I was very clear with the parent that if their child ever got sick with any of my 'hit list' of illnesses to avoid , I wouldn't be able to have them for an extended period.
One day, they dropped their child off, they looked very upset and I asked if they were ok. The child responded that they had 'been up being sick all night and my tummy hurts'. I was furious. I called the parent back and told them we were done and they'd have to find someone else and to come and collect their child immediately.

It worked out for the best as I was trying to find a diplomatic way of telling them we'd no longer do it because of how they were treating my child but the sickness issue solved it.

I'm still mad they dropped the child off at mine knowing it could land me in hospital!

In your circumstances I wouldn't. I would help out in a pinch but wouldn't commit to a full-time thing.

I did it for a neighbour who asked me to do it for a term until her other child joined the school. It meant my children had to leave earlier (her grade had a slightly earlier start time), the child (age about 11) never once said thank you - even as my own kids said thanks as they stepped out of the car, I missed conversations with my children in the car, and her mother acted like she was doing me a favour giving me the joy of her child's presence (I'm not kidding) rather than saying thanks. Not even a christmas card to say thanks (and they were very religious).

I would never get into a regular arrangement.
Sometimes I’m early, sometimes later. My child might be ill.
I might want to talk to my child about something. The children might not get on.
Now my children are grown up I miss the school journeys as it’s where a lot of our chats happened.

Nope. Absolutely no way would I do this regularly. I would do it in an emergency as a last resort but not regularly.

Ive seen how favours too easily become entitlement and expectation. What started as a favour becomes an obligation and then you end up getting grief when its no longer convenient for you and God forbid you ever ask for a favour in return.

dh did it for a neighbours child for years. The child would run over to ours in morning and sit and wait for ds to be ready. He was no bother, never late and mum was very grateful.

ds was never off school sick, so that wasn’t an issue, but it was was ill it wouldn’t have been a problem telling her.

I have no problems helping others out, especially if it is no effort for me and as long as they don’t take the piss.

Big fat no. I would never commit to something like this. I chat to my kids and it’s an important part of our day. There’s so much that could go wrong with such an arrangement.
If you know your child won’t like it why do it??

My neighbour and I have kids in the same school. Sometimes we are both walking to and from school. Never have we offered each other to share this, and we are friendly to each other.

asking such a commitment from a neighbour you don’t know well- recipe for disaster. And then you’re stuck with a neighbour who you might have a problem with and it’s very awkward. I wouldn’t do it.

@MintyElephantI did this with one of their friends, ended up copping for sibling too. It carried on after friend left school and got got awkward. Felt like I was doing all the work and couldn’t come and go as I pleased, when my child was tired or ill still had to solider on. Honestly, I’d say whatever you need to say to avoid it. It’s so lovely now that we just have that time together rather than with randoms in the car.

I thought this too! So cold.

No I wouldn’t do it. My sister did similar & ended up with a vomit stained car from ferrying a car sick child to school each day. It was a nightmare. Don’t do it.

It sounds like she’s a bit desperate as lots of parents are trying to coordinate school run with work are! If it were me I’d do it when I could, maybe she could become a friend? I’d probably want to set a few ground rules or do on a temporary basis to see how it goes?

Are the kids the same age? If so, and you are neighbours, then surely they are pals anyway? I think I’d be more inclined to say yes if they were friends. The way you refer to them as strangers makes me think this isn’t the case though.
I don’t think there is a necessarily a right or wrong answer to this. Me personally I wouldn’t ask someone I didn’t know to take my kid to school. But as to whether you agree or not, there’s no right or wrong, just what you feel able to commit to. Who takes your child when you don’t? The other parent? Grandparent? Cos you don’t want the put them in a position either.

Not a chance. In an emergency for a friend? Of course but every day for a stranger? Absolutely not.

No. I'd do it if I was friends with my neighbour amd I was going anyway but not if we never spoke apart from the odd hello.

this really. I mean she is kind of asking to employ you for free. If she is actually going to pay you then you'd need to check your insurance.