How to stop stranger toddler touching my baby…

[SomethingYum]

Please be gentle, I already feel like sh!t

ive taken my baby twice now to a playgroup type place. Every time a little girl aged 2+ (I’d say 2.5/3) came up to us multiple times, like every 3 mins, and kept saying, “baby baby baby baby” whilst touching my baby on the head/stroking.

The first time I thought she’d say hello and be off. But after the next and the next return I told the girl no touching but she either doesn’t understand or doesn’t listen. No parent in sight.

today I saw the mum, she’s either busy chatting to another mum or is on her phone. She said something to me about how the toddler just likes babies. The toddler again kept doing the same thing, and I was visibly uncomfortable the whole time. My baby didn’t cry was withdrew every time the toddler reached for her and looked confused and a bit intimidated. It culminated in the toddler throwing (thankfully a soft) ball at me and my baby (I hold her the whole time and feel very on edge). The ball hit my baby but she didn’t react as it was soft rubber.

I am very annoyed with myself. I am not ok with my daughter’s head being stroked. I don’t want objects thrown at us. I am upset because as I walked away today I realised I was teaching my baby girl unwanted physical contact should be tolerated. I feel awful.

I don’t want to stop going to this place, it’s a nice setting. How would you respond in my shoes? How can I stop this?

today my baby was the only one there but last week there were quite a few others but still the toddler only wanted mine

Indeed, but these are very small children who need parental supervision and intervention to learn how to interact appropriately, and to keep them safe and feeling secure if they get overwhelmed.

Young children being tactile is completely normal. You're overthinking this. It's very common for children to interact with babies through touch. Playgroups are for children to socialise, if you don't want other children coming over to you and baby is a playgroup the right place for you to be?

I bet OPs baby is 24M and the toddler is 2 years old 😂

It sounds like she's picking up on your anxiety. Some therapy for yourself might be useful to prevent your anxiety getting in the way of her social development.

In today's frantic world, it's good that babyhood can be prolonged.

We have established that she is 18.

You cannot possibly know this.

This. Adults forgetting what human development looks like.

That being said: parents do need to be supervising their own children and teaching them not to do things other adults don't want them to do.

Try to sit near the mum and make sure you say "no thank you, baby doesn't like that" in a loud enough voice for her mum to hear (in a kind tone, it's not the toddler's fault you just want her mum to feel forced to intervene).

If the mum ignores you after a couple of hints, go over and confidently but pleasantly say something like "sorry, is that your little boy/girl? I'm afraid little Thomas doesn't like his head touched, can you move him/her away please?". If I wanted the mum to like me I'd probably soften it with a "he's a little grump at the minute, aren't you Thomas?" or something, but you don't need to.

Why are you at the group? Is it for you? For your baby? I’ve had 5 kids and never come across the idea that children shouldn’t touch others and this obsession with bodily autonomy (teaching a little baby) is just going to cause you extreme anxiety, which in turn your child will pick up on. Why are you there?

Just wanted to chime in to say I sympathise. You may get a lot of comments about how you're overreacting but this kind of thing would really wind me up too. You should be able to just enjoy the session without fending off the same kid doing the same thing time after time. I probably just wouldn't go back because even if you confront the other mum, you'll just have that awkwardness afterwards.

Is the toddler perchance a boy?

Children can touch others if the other child wants to be touched.

If they don't, then keep your hands to yourself.

If a toddler was annoying my child I'd physically block them and say no/uh uh/don't touch/she doesn't like it etc.

Why won't you tell us how old your baby is?

The baby is clearly not a newborn otherwise OP would say , she’s been asked at least a dozen times & totally swerved the question , hopefully she realises this is an extreme case of PFB .

This post is about an interaction between a toddler and baby at a playgroup. It is very obvious she’s not talking about a newborn and I doubt anyone is thinking it would be a newborn.

I don’t know why OP isn’t answering the question but I also don’t know why it’s seen as quite so important that people keep asking. My assumption from her description is that this baby is old enough to be sitting up or nearly sitting up if she’s at a playgroup (maybe), but not old enough to walk away from this other child.

My daughters 2 and when she was a baby toddlers (especially little girls) used to flock to her at play groups and baby section of soft play. They were like a magnet to her. I found it quite sweet. I personally took her to places like this for her to interact as she’s an only child and doesn’t go to nursery so I didn’t mind at all. They are going to keep coming while she’s a baby. Either relax a little or just be really firm

This post reminds me of a post I wrote when dd13 was a baby in a playgroup. So at least 12 yrs ago now . I basically got my arse handed to me with multiple posts telling me to wait until I had more then one/older children. They were right 3 dc later I was being unreasonable massively so. What a smug bitch I was to my pfb 12 yr ago 🤣😂

I'd also find it bothersome, the other parent is bound to be aware their child is bothering you, it sucks that they're not intervening.
I'd just say "no thank you, we keep our hands to ourselves" everytime she came over.
Either she will get the message or the parent will

Tell the child firmly "no". If you want to, you can talk to mum also but she doesn't seem interested so probably not much point.
Talk to the person running the group. Say she's clearly not supervising her child and to have gentle chat with her, doesn't need to be heavy.

I understand how you feel. When my daughter was born, I'd already lost two babies and then hormones made me feel vulnerable so I'd get annoyed at the slightest thing etc etc. Your feelings are valid.

My toddler was the first of her friends at playgroup to have a baby sibling. I have to say it was sport amongst my toddler’s crowd to ‘touch the baby’. Her baby brother was ‘touched’ incessantly for at least a year and for the most part he seemed to enjoy the attention. Anyway my point being, it seemed to do him no harm. He is now a 6ft, strapping healthy chap so don’t stress.

lol! I had the same thing when my baby was a baby! Nothing was ever thrown at her but the little ones were always trying to play/stroke her and when about 6 months old a three year old tried to pick her up. Didn’t bother me, my child is now a toddler (20 months old) is also thrilled with babies. She is always offering her snacks and toys. I am so glad I wasn’t overly precious. You do you Op!

kindly, your response is wholly disproportionate. Do you have anxiety? Babies respond positively to gentle touch. People are encouraged to touch their babies, baby wear etc. as it stimulates their neural development. So please don’t worry that you’ve allowed your baby to be harmed or given her poor boundaries. That said if you don’t want a toddler to touch her just tell toddler no and move baby away. If she’s persistent tell her parent.

Toddlers touch. They are inquisitive little things. I found myself constantly saying ‘no’, ‘come away’, ‘we don’t touch’, ‘not yours’. I know you mentioned the mum of the toddler chatting or on her phone, playing devils advocate, she’s probably there to grab a 5 minute breather, especially if it’s a play group surrounded by fellow mums and children, she can trust her toddler is in a safe environment and disengage momentarily. Toddlers are full on, we all lapse because it is a far cry from the baby stage. In your case, maybe find another more suited group of babies only if you find the touching distressing, have a quiet word with the mum of the toddler or stand up and keep saying no. I don’t think the toddler means any harm. They don’t appreciate being told no, especially by a stranger, and just want to get on exploring and being independent without boundaries. They are strong willed little beggars. Sounds like frustration and you copped it with the ball. Toddler should have been supervised but having had young ones myself, it’s hard to be on top of them all the time. They only need 30 seconds to cause mayhem.

You have every right to not want a random toddler to keep touching your baby, it's yet another example of parents no doing their job of teaching boundaries.