19 year old sons girlfriend is pregnant

[Susa1]

My 19 year old sons girlfriend is pregnant.

He called me freaking out last week soon as the test was done and said they didn’t want it then the gf goes out that day with the test and shows all her family and friends. So now they are keeping it as she’s made that decision and he hasn’t had a say. To me it’s all off she has pcos apparently and was on the pill that she ran out of and didn’t want to speak to a doctor as she doesn’t like speaking to people. Yet now she’s gong to have to with pregnancy. Her mum went out that day of finding out and bought all pink baby toys as she her words hopes for a girl and is buying a pram this week of finding out after a few days late with her period. Am I being wrong here or is the way they have handled it crazy?

Yes I wanted better for my son he has just started a pathway to a great career and almost driving his life was on the up. His gf has never worked or has any interest in doing so and this concerns me as I want my son to have a good life not struggle.

I agree

Did you actually read my post? I don’t think I could’ve been any clearer about blaming him for his own choices.

Private message sent

wtf are you on about? She told him she was on the pill. Have an ounce of empathy maybe?

All you can do is remind him that while he may not have a choice on whether the baby is born, he does have a choice about being in a relationship with its mother. And I would second a pp about making sure he is actually the father, just in case via DNA.

Also, there are laws surrounding childrens rights and parental responsibilities. Family court exists for a reason, so things like visitation, PR etc can be sorted that way if her family start playing silly buggers.

He has to deal with this but there organisations and individuals that can help him

It's true she appeared to take responsibility for contraception but this exact scenario is why I drummed it in to my DS that if you don't use a condom you are handing over the decision to become a parent to the woman. It's the oldest story in the book, young man with prospects ends up as a father with a woman who thinks having a baby is a career option.

Luckily I don't care what you think.

this post is about the son and his mother. Just said my thoughts.

She doesn't like speaking to people won't bode well with the amount of appointments she's going to have during her pregnancy.
Your son played an equal part in this and it's her body, her decision.
He literally fked around and found out.
The pink toys and buying a pram so early is mental to me. Anyway congratulations grandma 🎉

Which is why you should have taught your son to always wear a condom. You didn't. A man's decision making on pregnancy ends at the moment he chooses to ejaculate inside a woman. Your son was very foolish.

Actually shocking the number of posters here that don’t think the DS needed to wear a condom!

So irresponsible. I can’t even begin to imagine what their parenting advice was like to their own kids:

’Yeh, don't worry about contracting an STD or getting someone pregnant, it’s the females sole responsibility for conception….so just leave it to her and make sure you have a good time’

Ffs

Sorry, I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but ultimately he is equally responsible.

He could have worn a condom.

Blaming her alone is very immature. Surely this isn’t the first time you’ve ever heard of a woman “trapping” a man? So why are you acting like he had no idea what could happen?

And this is a great (unfortunate) example of why men need to get into their heads that they’re also responsible for their own contraception.

What a shitty situation, OP.

Why are girls these days so keen to keep babies they can't support? So many posts like this.
We need BPAS in schools stat!

You seem to be insinuating she made him have sex without a condom against his will?

If so, that’s a serious allegation.

I dont think anyone is saying they think he didnt need to (clearly he did!) but that they can understand why he didnt.

Young man in love takes GF's word for it because he trusts her. Why wouldnt he? I agree that he shouldnt take trusted her, but its easy to see how it happened. Sadly its only when young men see or experience the results of believing "I am on the pill" when its not true, that they realise. I am sure that his friends will be learning from his mistake.

Well he had a say before the conception but he decided to chance it without a condom. You can’t just blame her he is also responsible.

Condoms, condoms, condoms.

He has no bloody right to pressure a woman into an abortion don’t be sick!

he can choose to be in the baby’s life or back away and pay for the child at least.

Its happened now he has to deal with it.

but no one should be pressuring someone into an abortion!!

Given the deception involved, I would be advising him to break up with her, now. He should still support her through the pregnancy and support the kid when it's born. But he should not be in a relationship with someone who lied about something like this and took such a massive risk with the trajectory their lives would take. And she should know she's not going to have him as a partner while she still has an opportunity to change her mind.

(Also agree with PPs that you need to drum the need to always wear a condom if he isn't trying to have children into his head. You would hope this would be a bit of wakeup call on that front, but the actions of millions of men suggest otherwise.)

This happened to my (male) friend at the beginning of university. His GF decided to keep the baby. They took a year out and they both managed to get good degrees. They split up when the baby was 2. Now he’s a lawyer and is close to his daughter who is nearly 18 and who gets on with her mum too. Cool people.

That’s why if you’re not ready for a baby, you use both.

I would no way rely on a man to provide and use a condom and me not take any precautions.
I don’t know if the condom is in date, if he takes it off without me knowing, poked holes in it etc.

There are also STDs

If I was a man there’s no way I would rely on a woman taking the pill - it’s not 100% effective even on a good day but you’re also relying on her to not be poorly, not be taking any other medication that counteracts it, remembering to take it etc.

He has to take responsibility for this just as much as she does.

If this is true and not yet another post from an MRA, then your son must have known that she isn’t very bright, doesn’t want to work and has a nightmare family. I don’t know why a sensible man with career aspirations would be with someone like that, believe she couldn’t have children, and if he was with her and is sensible, why on earth he wouldn’t he wear a condom.

Sounds scary. OK your son and the girlfriend are barely adults, but the girl's mum is out buying pink stuff?
Not how any mum I know would be reacting.
All you can do is say you'll support as you can, and if you think something's off, look into paternity tests, but even if he used a condom, it is quite possible he is the dad.
If he's not, maybe advise him to wait until more reliable methods of contraception are available (they keep saying the male pill will be prescribed one day), or he's in a more settled relationship before having sex.

A condom MAY have prevented an unwanted pregnancy.

We need to stop thinking of contraception as infallible. It isn’t. Pregnancy is a risk every time you have sex-you can reduce the risk, but every adult should be aware that it can happen

Then the same applies to the GF does it not? She is sooo in lurve….that she doesn’t remember to take the pill at the same time..:.every ….single ….day

That as a younger person, its a large burden to take the responsibility to remember everyday to be on top of contraceptives? While DS gets to have his end away with no further thought?

This is why good parenting teaches boys that they should always wear a condom, because it’s irresponsible and selfish to leave it all to one person. Especially another young person.

That’s before we even get onto the issue of STDs