19 year old sons girlfriend is pregnant

[Susa1]

My 19 year old sons girlfriend is pregnant.

He called me freaking out last week soon as the test was done and said they didn’t want it then the gf goes out that day with the test and shows all her family and friends. So now they are keeping it as she’s made that decision and he hasn’t had a say. To me it’s all off she has pcos apparently and was on the pill that she ran out of and didn’t want to speak to a doctor as she doesn’t like speaking to people. Yet now she’s gong to have to with pregnancy. Her mum went out that day of finding out and bought all pink baby toys as she her words hopes for a girl and is buying a pram this week of finding out after a few days late with her period. Am I being wrong here or is the way they have handled it crazy?

Yes I wanted better for my son he has just started a pathway to a great career and almost driving his life was on the up. His gf has never worked or has any interest in doing so and this concerns me as I want my son to have a good life not struggle.

You’re honestly being ridiculous. A man (not a boy) not getting a say over a woman’s body is not saying ‘boys don’t matter’
she was not the only one responsible for birth control, he chose to leave it up to her and to trust a 19 year old with zero evidence that she apparently couldn’t get pregnant. Your son was at best naive and at worst wilfully ignorant and irresponsible. If you keep blaming her you will alienate the mother of your grandchild and do absolutely nothing to teach your son responsibility and consequences of his actions.
did they both have std checks too? Or was he just trusting that as well before he decided to have unprotected sex. It literally does not matter at all if he thought she was on the pill or not. The effectiveness of the pill, particularly when taken by what sounds like a very unreliable and irresponsible 19 year old, is far from 100% he should have known better. We all make mistakes but it’s better to own them and not blame other people.

if you’ve taught him that he should get a say over abortion that’s on you. Him saying he doesn’t fancy stepping us, is totally different from her going to the drs and choosing to end a potential life. I’m pro choice, but to pretend it’s an easy choice or easy experience for everyone and no big deal is ridiculous. They wouldn’t be making the same decision so no he doesn’t get a say.
I will say if the girl is as you describe he really should have spotted the red flags already as well.

he needs to carry on working on his career because he’s potentially going to have a child to support. Yes her family are being insane but perhaps they’re trying to be supportive. Or perhaps they’re really happy. There’s not much you can do though about that but focusing on them won’t help your son. Probably do get a paternity test though when the baby is born

Yes did such a shit job that my son sees the good in people and doesn’t think anyone would be so calculated to use him to have a baby as he trusted her. My son has pursed a career and got himself a really good one and everyone one of our family work and have what we have from hard work so to not be happy about him now been permanently tied to a family who have never and have no ambition to ever work worked yes I am
worried.

Well if you want a good relationship with your grandchild you need to get over those negative feelings.

Your DS made a big mistake having unprotected sex. Even if the girlfriend had been taking the pill, it’s not 100% effective. They teach them that at school. It’s done now, and you all need to find a positive way forward.

They need to teach boys at school that girls will lie in order to get a baby so never to trust them and that no contraceptive is 100% effective so a pregnancy is always a risk.

In my family my brother did walk away from the relationship and my mother stepped up and helped where she could.
Similarly this family were all about the baby and the mother (grandmother)seemed to want the baby most. In the end the grandparents did raise her and in later years my brother and family have a good relationship with her.
The child’s mother went off the rails and was never a ‘mother’ to the baby. Her mother shouldn’t have encouraged her to keep her, it was too much too soon.

Her mother seems very over involved.
No one who is thinking straight would be all " I hope it's a girl" and by pink clothes and " oh let's buy a pram" after a positive test .

The girlfriend sounds very lax with her birth control .
The mum seems a bit over eager .

Is there any chance he's not the Dad ?

How old is the girlfriend ?

teach our sons that STD's aren't stopped through taking the pill but wearing a condom prevents std's and pregnancy in 90% of cases

sorry this has happened to you and your son OP

Bad luck??

Did you not buy anything for yours until it was actually born?

What would the midwife dress the baby in after the birth?

She’s 19

He’s allowed to feel scared. Maybe her mother should have teacher her having a baby should be a joint decision not just hers.

You're obviously upset and worried about your son's future, but what you are saying isn't reasonable. He's only 19 and can't have got far in his career yet, and you don't know that he will have to give it up to support the baby. He might be more use as a father getting qualified and developing potential to earn well in future, and meanwhile bonding with his child and supporting them in other ways. If the baby actually arrives. Many things can go wrong with an early pregnancy, and it is possible that DNA test will show that he's not the father anyway. He needs to wait and see.

It’s the decision of the pregnant woman.

Always.

Thank you ❤️ I really hope it all works out for you too. After the initial shock I just felt such deep sadness over how the trajectory of his life was changed overnight. Even if you are angry and resentful it’s completely valid. I won’t lie and say I don’t feel those things because I do. I absolutely do. I just know that those feelings aren’t going to help the situation so I keep them to myself. I reached out to her family almost straight away. That helped. Being able to talk to the other grandparents really eased things a bit and we’ve since met a few times to work out shopping lists and logistics. I know my situation is a little different because we have no time at all to really process everything and we had to get down to business pretty quickly. What you are feeling right now is completely valid OP. This is huge. You’d be amazed at how quickly things settle though. Deep breaths! 💐

In my experience people don’t buy until after 12 week scan and pram after the 20 week abnormalities one. Buying pink after the test is crazy.

Both lads in these cases absolutely had some say in this. They chose to personally have unprotected sex and to only rely on the girls protecting herself or for her protection to not fail and protect them both.

utterly selfish men who put their own fractionally more enjoyable sex experience above making a conscious decision to be ok with potentially creating a pregnancy.

this is on them, the girls didn’t get pregnant without an active choice by the lads.
and so what she said she was on the pill, many things can interrupt the success of it even if taken exactly as instructed.

Watch out. You'll be deleted in a minute. We aren't allowed to criticise.

My reasonable post was deleted and the OP missed the point totally

so wrong in every way to trap someone because they want a baby. Lying to get what you want will never end well in life catches up eventually.

They do teach them that only abstinence is 100% effective. It’s absolutely spelled out.

And they are told they need to wear condoms as back up contraception as well as to protect STIs. OPs son possibly wasn’t listening?

Sorry OP but how are you aware of all these things the GF and the DM are seemingly buying, what their plans are etc?

Also you seem to pass judgement on this family, but reserve none for your own- raising a son who gets a girl pregnant at 19 because he wasn’t wearing a condom.

See how easy it is to twist and turn it all on someone else?

I think you need to start being more mature about this and stop looking at it as your precious DS that’s been trapped by a scheming family. You need to look it at as your son not being switched on and now will have to quickly get to grips with becoming a father. He will need a lot of help.

I hope your son is going to request a DNA test? It would be madness to just take this girls word for it wouldn't it?

He needs to create some boundaries straight away @Susa1 , separate, offer support now and fulfil his financial obligation once baby is born and it has been determined that it is his. Do not get sucked into any drama. As soon as drama starts, step back. You cannot live life like that.

Firm but fair boundaries are your best bet to making this a success. A baby doesn't need to ruin his life! He can still live a full life while being a father.

At the end of the day you bang on and you said it a few times now that this girl has no ambition or doesn't want to work that's your opinion but your son chose to have sex with her he has to share that responsibility coming across like "no girl will be good enough for my dear son and he's got himself into an established career" it sounds a bit disrespectful,your son clearly saw something in her to want to date her and sleep with her in the first place I'm afraid he's going to have to man up on this one and take his responsibilities seriously for the next 18 years.

@TheSunIsAlwaysThere TBH the girlfriend sounds utterly ghastly. She has never worked, owns 3 large dogs and 15 ferrets and lies about contraception.

Most people are better than that.

NB your post was unreasonable and I agree with the deletion.

Well clearly that’s his type. What does that say about him?