19 year old sons girlfriend is pregnant

[Susa1]

My 19 year old sons girlfriend is pregnant.

He called me freaking out last week soon as the test was done and said they didn’t want it then the gf goes out that day with the test and shows all her family and friends. So now they are keeping it as she’s made that decision and he hasn’t had a say. To me it’s all off she has pcos apparently and was on the pill that she ran out of and didn’t want to speak to a doctor as she doesn’t like speaking to people. Yet now she’s gong to have to with pregnancy. Her mum went out that day of finding out and bought all pink baby toys as she her words hopes for a girl and is buying a pram this week of finding out after a few days late with her period. Am I being wrong here or is the way they have handled it crazy?

Yes I wanted better for my son he has just started a pathway to a great career and almost driving his life was on the up. His gf has never worked or has any interest in doing so and this concerns me as I want my son to have a good life not struggle.

I’m afraid at 19 he has just been landed with the equivalent of a crippling income tax rate in a struggling economy.

If I were him I’d be doing everything in my powers to urge her to have a termination.

If it is exactly as you say OP and that’s 100% the truth from him then I totally agree that he should have a say and if they both cannot agree then she has to do it alone. I know it’s controversial on here but they were in a relationship where he trusted her and she’s now pregnant having not gone to get the pill and also claiming she could not get pregnant. Also comes from a family who celebrate it. He’ll have to support her I suppose but I too would be furious in your and his position.

It sounds like what's done is done here, no need to stick the boot in. I think your son should focus on his career and setting an example to this child. I do get that this is an unwelcome curve ball in his life though.

Agree.
Poor lad.
He will have to sort the baby financially, but not her.
Ensure it goes through CSA so he is not guilted into a penny more than necessary. .

And I am afraid I totally agree with this.

Her family encourage her with anything like she has 3 big dogs she got off facebook and 15 ferrits they think everything is a good idea even taking on another big dog the other day.

What? That’s like saying it’s a woman’s fault she got pregnant if he lied about having a vasectomy.

You might have just jumped the shark there OP.

Tell him to walk away, yes it’s her body so she can have the baby if she likes but he also gets a choice. He gets to choose if he wants to be a participating father or not and if he doesn’t he needs to tell her how that if she goes ahead with the pregnancy then it will be without his support.

She has blatantly lied to him about being on the pill and not being able to get pregnant.

He gets to choose as well.

You can’t urge someone to have a termination if they actually want the baby. Grim.

Well your son should've made different choices about who he had sex with

I wouldn’t be happy either but many “accidental” pregnancies happen and your son chose not to use protection of his own.

My children have been told that they are responsible for their own contraception, they’re not to rely on partners for it. Two methods is better than none!

No, the decision as to whether to have an abortion, or to grow a baby in one’s own body, can only be made by the mother. Any other solution results in coercion and trauma for the mother, and adverse outcomes for the children.

This is why boys need to wear condoms if they don’t want children. I’m sorry your son is in that position, but it is extremely well known that fathers do not get a say in the decision whether to carry on or terminate a pregnancy. Have you never heard of “your body, your choice”?

Absolutely this. Her family seem to have very twisted priorities tbh. Yes, he doesn't have to stay in the relationship long term but he will definitely need your love and support going forward, especially emotionally. Also he will need to step up financially although that won't be much to start with. He will also need your support to negotiate what type of relationship he wants with his child going forward.

Well, she sounds pretty hopeless. It’s a pity. He’ll have to make the best of being a dad, though. It’s only fair on the child.

Apologies @Palmtreesinthegarden, I meant to quote the OP’s post, not yours

Thank you. I feel so angry it’s about it all different if they discussed and both wanted this but she has done it and made all the decisions. I 100% believe she planned this and trapped him. I know what everyone is saying but he is my son and he’s so worried about this and doesn’t feel he has any control over any of it as her and her family have taken over.

It’s the risk anyone takes when having sex, that it may result in pregnancy. I have spoken to my son about it. It’s wrong of course that in this she didn’t tell him she’d ran out of pills and she may well have done it on purpose. However this is a trust/relationship issue. It doesn’t mean he gets a say in whether or not she keeps the baby. A say about whether or not he wants to stay in relationship yes, but not about the baby. Whether he wants this or not he has a responsibility now to the child.

How old is he?

The pill isn't 100 percent effective and men need to take responsibility for ensuring a pregnancy doesn't happen if they don't want a baby. They don't have a say after conception; that would be barbaric.

He is 19

I've been in EXACTLY the same boat with my son (7 years ago).
Please message me privately.
X

My son is 18 and I’d feel the same if it was him. She isn’t allowed to put him on the birth certificate without him being there so he has some big decisions to make.

It’s just a shitty situation and either way surely he can’t trust her anymore?

He doesn’t have to stay in the relationship but would you seriously want your son not to be a “participating father”? Knowing how that’s likely to affect his child?

I was seeing a guy a few years ago who did this. Got a girl pregnant, didn’t want to be a father and just walked away. Paid CM but never met the child. I broke up with him - I couldn’t be with someone so callous.

It’s not the baby’s fault that its mother is irresponsible.

He doesn’t have a say her and the mum
are going to buy a pram this week 😳 I’ve never heard anything like it. Like she was only a few days late with her period and roughly 5 weeks not even had a scan or a blood test at doctors to properly confirm.