19 year old sons girlfriend is pregnant

[Susa1]

My 19 year old sons girlfriend is pregnant.

He called me freaking out last week soon as the test was done and said they didn’t want it then the gf goes out that day with the test and shows all her family and friends. So now they are keeping it as she’s made that decision and he hasn’t had a say. To me it’s all off she has pcos apparently and was on the pill that she ran out of and didn’t want to speak to a doctor as she doesn’t like speaking to people. Yet now she’s gong to have to with pregnancy. Her mum went out that day of finding out and bought all pink baby toys as she her words hopes for a girl and is buying a pram this week of finding out after a few days late with her period. Am I being wrong here or is the way they have handled it crazy?

Yes I wanted better for my son he has just started a pathway to a great career and almost driving his life was on the up. His gf has never worked or has any interest in doing so and this concerns me as I want my son to have a good life not struggle.

He should have worn a condom.

Sorry I don’t have any advice, just sympathies. This is one of my
worst nightmares, especially into the kind of family where they see this as some sort of celebration and achievement.

Men really need to always west a condom, regardless of what the woman says they may or may not have in place

So now they are keeping it as she’s made that decision and he hasn’t had a say.

It's her decision whether to grow a baby inside her and give birth to it anyway.

It's nice the girlfriend's mother is happy and supportive.

Your son will have to step up to his responsibilities.

Your job now is to support him in supporting her.
It’s not what you would have wanted for him and that’s completely understandable, this is a curveball in your lives.
How her family have handled it does seem a bit OTT but that’s their business and you have no control over that.
Focus on supporting him in his career, because he’s got a child of his own to support now.

A condom would have prevented any unwanted pregnancy. He doesn't have to remain in a relationship but he does have an obligation to financially support the child.

Mens say is in choosing to have sex, knowing he can cause a pregnancy, and choosing to use a condom, knowing it can fail. They don't get a say in women's bodies.

He made his choices, no point in slagging off the girlfriend or her relatives.

Well it’s her choice if she has it. Seems she is, so he needs to step up and support her. Your role is to support him to get the best career he can so he can financially support his child. Absolutely not what you would want for him at 19 I’m assuming, but I’m guessing he didn’t use a condom and even if he did, it is what it is and he needs to take responsibility.

No one forced him to have sex without a condom, he chose to, perhaps because of the influence of porn.

I understand it is a shock for the OP, however no man should abdicate his responsibilities.

Don’t like that her mum has gone out and bought toys and stuff “hoping for a girl”. If my mum went out and bought toys for the baby I lost I’d have been devastated. Such bad luck to do that if she’s going to keep the baby.

I understand this is a nightmare for you. I think it's best not to say too much. If the pregnancy goes to term and your grandchildren is born what you say won't be forgotten.

When the time is right in a private moment with your son talk about contraception and how he should take responsibility and wear a condom. If he does become a father he will have more chance of pursuing his career with one rather than two or more in quick succession. If the pregnancy doesn't go to term he can also prevent another pregnancy - his girlfriend will probably want to try again.

Your son does have to take some responsibility for unprotected sex when he is not ready for a child and perhaps doesn't feel his girlfriend is ready for a child either.

Your post is pretty despicable. Firstly, your son doesn’t get a say. Secondly, if your son didn’t want a child, then it’s HIS job to sort birth control for himself or abstain if she refuses it. Thirdly, how the girlfriend and her family want to tackle purchases has nothing to do with you.

I have two DC in their twenties. They were raised to understand that every time they have sex, it could result in pregnancy. That risk can be minimised but not completely eradicated by taking certain precautions. Condoms always, for protection against STIs as well as back up pregnancy protection.

Your DS will need to sort himself out so he can support his child as best he can. You say he’s on the pathway to a great career so that’s a good start.

Maybe this is the first of many children they will have together. You can’t do anything about this situation, it’s beyond your control, so best to make the best of it.

Good luck with her family!

OP are you kind of saying she did this on purpose? Is that what your DS is thinking as well?

I just echo all the other posts, I have two DS 19 & 22 and I would be making sure they supported her and stepped up.

I think for the sake of long term relationships this family will ultimately be a big part of your life so embrace their excitement and see how this pans out.

You have my sympathies.

Her family sound awful - although you’re only hearing this from your son, who’s hearing it from her.
Hopefully it’s not the full truth.

Unfortunately this does happen and DS is just going to have to suck it up and deal with it.

Yes his life is going to be changed forever but nowadays there are so many more opportunities for young parents.
He can still get the career etc he wants but partying and going on lads holidays etc will have to take a backseat.

I had my DC young and although I don’t regret them, I would never want it for them.

If the father doesn’t get a say in anything he’s sidelined as a dad. I’d be furious in this situation and it’s not 100% his fault!

The time to do something was way earlier. He could have used birth control. You could have guided him in choosing a girlfriend with better life prospects as young women with strong prospects rarely choose to keep accidental pregnancies.

Now you need to help him figure out his finances and how he is going to be an active, involved father. Also make sure he is going to get a dna test just to be sure. Once he has that he should establish formal paternity and get cms payments set up.

He took the risk and hopefully will deal with the consequences in a mature way.

I would say lying about being on the pill then afterwardsn now saying she didn’t want to get more and didn’t tell him is misleading my son. He thought she was on the pill and told him she couldn’t have kids. If she had of told him she had stopped taking her pill he would have used protection himself. She had never wanted to work and this is her perfect excuse now. Boys matter to and to not have a discussion about how it will impact his life and make it all what she wants and what I think she has planned is so wrong. Brining a life into the world should be a joint decision in my opinion.

If your partner is on the pill and that is their agreed form of contraception, then this isn’t really fair is it.

Well its great she has a lot of support around her. She will need it

All you can do is tell your son to be the best dad he can be, and support him. Nothing else can be done

I would be very careful to have things in writing early on, including a dna test. The sequence of events is bizarre, I agree, but you know now what youre dealing with.

But then he should be wearing protection shouldn’t he. It isn’t all on the female he’s just as much to blame

its difficult and not what I’d want for my son. However it’s now not his decision, it’s up to his girlfriend.
It sounds like she has a supportive family so thats a good thing for her and a baby.

He didn’t know she was off her pill and I’ve heard this from them both.