19 year old sons girlfriend is pregnant

[Susa1]

My 19 year old sons girlfriend is pregnant.

He called me freaking out last week soon as the test was done and said they didn’t want it then the gf goes out that day with the test and shows all her family and friends. So now they are keeping it as she’s made that decision and he hasn’t had a say. To me it’s all off she has pcos apparently and was on the pill that she ran out of and didn’t want to speak to a doctor as she doesn’t like speaking to people. Yet now she’s gong to have to with pregnancy. Her mum went out that day of finding out and bought all pink baby toys as she her words hopes for a girl and is buying a pram this week of finding out after a few days late with her period. Am I being wrong here or is the way they have handled it crazy?

Yes I wanted better for my son he has just started a pathway to a great career and almost driving his life was on the up. His gf has never worked or has any interest in doing so and this concerns me as I want my son to have a good life not struggle.

Your son chose to be with this woman @Susa1.

He is a young man and should have made better choices. Hopefully he can be a good father.

It's 2026 - preventative measures exist.

he should have worn a condom to protect himself, the pill isn’t 100% affective. Either he steps up and takes responsibility for his joint actions, or doesn’t and makes her a single parent.
Actions have consequences.

no reason why he can’t still have a decent life and career. In fact a good job is more important now he’s going to have a child to support.

The poster you quoted referred to a baby they lost...

He is responsible for his own contraception.

He does not get a say in whether a woman had an abortion. No man, ever, gets a say in whether a woman gets an abortion.

He can stay with her or not. That's his decision. But he has created a child and has a responsibility to it. So encourage him to grow up and take responsibility for the consequences of his own actions instead of whining and blaming her.

Poor lad?

He chose bareback sex.

Ahh yes apologies I missed that.

Still, babies need things before they’re born.

Teenage pregnancy is actually at a historic low in the UK, there are far less teenage pregnancies now than a few decades ago.

He will have to support the baby but he doesnt have to make his life with her if he doesnt want to. He must not tie himself to her if its not really what he wants.

If even you knew she had no intention of joining the workforce, he was a bit of an idiot not to take extra precautions no matter what she said. Yes, she misled him. Wouldn't have mattered if he was thinking with his head though.

its done now, there’s a baby on the way whatever the circumstances, and quite rightly your son can’t dictate what decision she makes with her body. Others have provided good sensible advice.

Her family do sound.. interesting though. Hopefully baby is a boy.

I am sorry, but seeing the good in a woman should not equate to bareback sex.

Agree with you OP. I think the “should’ve worn a condom” thing is way too simplistic. In a long-term relationship if the man thinks the woman is on the pill and they’ve discussed it and are both happy (the man assuming his gf’s on the pill) why would he wear a condom? It’s not necessarily fair and it’s a shit situation for him but there’s nothing he can do to stop her from having the baby. What’s done is done and all that. He needs to be responsible now, get a good job and accept it for what it is

My husband has a relative who became a dad very young, it’s all worked out OK, he’s still had a good career and a relationship with his kid, even though he didn’t stay with the mother. It’ll be OK, even if it’s not what you wanted for him.

Pardon? Your son, isn't carrying the child. He does NOT have a say in what she does with her body.

it’s a joint decision and he made his choice by not wearing protection. A tough lesson to learn.

I think this girl and her family sound awful and your son should break ‘romantic’ ties immediately.
He should reflect on what sort of long term partner he would like, certainly not a liar.
He should keep focussing on his career. Yes he will have to contribute financially and should do so via CMS so that everything is properly recorded and registered.
He will have to decide what level of fatherhood he wants to engage with.
She’s just used him as a sperm donor so absolutely no way he should be guilted into anything more.
He can still have a successful career and a great life, but not with a girl who doesn’t work and just leeches off society and anyone else she can find.

Taking the facts as OP has relayed them, it sounds like her son chose pretty poorly in his girlfriend, was all too ready to believe she was on the pill, and is now paying dearly for it. Let’s be honest, we all know that many boys/men will believe the pill thing with little convincing because they see it as a green light to do it without a condom, which is nearly always viewed as a win. OP’s son won’t have been the first to fall for it and he won’t be the last. Sometimes women aren’t the only ones who suffer from society’s assumption that contraception is a woman’s responsibility.

OP, I am sorry for the situation your son finds himself in, truly. Parenthood when one isn’t willing/able is rarely good news. And frankly I’m even sorrier for any child that ultimately results, because it sounds like they might not get the smoothest of upbringings. Had I somehow found myself in that position at 19 I would have felt that keeping the pregnancy just wasn’t an option (at that age I was completely alone in the world, so it genuinely wouldn’t have been). If what you say is true, it seems her family see this as good news, which I struggle to fathom, honestly.

Girlfriend sounds low quality tbh, he needs to choose better, every time he has sex is a potential pregnancy. He should have worn a condom, naivety is honestly no excuse here.

Edited to say that regardless, he needs to do right by this child financially at least.

Exactly.

He chose to have unprotected sex with her; therefore, she is/was his type in the heat of the moment.

Seriously, women need to stop mollycoddling their sons. It's no surprise that most men are irresponsible. "Mummy will fix it".

I sympathise OP. My niece on DH side is the same - pill doesn't agree with her, whoops she's pregnant, not working, dad not involved, she can do it alone.

Her mum (BIL's partner) was the exact same, trapped BIL and now they have 3 kids and a grandchild. Her GM and GGM all teenage mothers - its how they've all been brought up - to play the system.

I warned DH when we were together that this girl his younger brother was dating would end up pregnant, my laid back ILs couldn't see that their darling second son was mixing with a troublesome family until it was too late.

When niece was born, I said she'll be a teenage mum in 20 years and here we are.

the moral of the story is to teach your sons not to put all the contraception responsibility onto the woman, and as soon as child has a boy/girlfriend find out as much as you can about them and put an end to anything dodgy.

My DD had the fear of god put into her from an early age and is religious about taking her pill and getting her BF to wear a condom. She's doing well at university as is her boyfriend of 4.5 years. She isn't impressed with her cousin.

I find that mums are too lax with their sons and leave it to the dads who don't tend to talk about these things either. My DH was ignorant when we met.

His happened to a guy I went to a sister school
with. His girlfriend got pregnant at about 17, originally agreed to an abortion, she then didn’t go and didn’t say anything till it was ‘too late’. He refused to acknowledge the child and never signed the birth certificate, never met the child, and 17 years later still has no involvement as he was tricked into it and never wanted a baby. She slated him all over the place but his family and friends supported him as she was very calculated about the whole thing! Yes boys have a responsibility to wear a condom etc, but it also needs to be considered that she was underhanded in this and could be trying to force his hand.

Also, what family celebrates a 19 year old getting pregnant and dashes out after a positive pregnancy test to buy baby things? Lunacy.

Your son doesn’t have to be involved at all, it won’t be pretty, but he does have a choice. Just like she has a choice to have a baby by herself.

There’s some very holier than thou comments on here from people who will probably never find themselves in this situation. Yes, a woman of course has bodily autonomy, and yes men should practice safe sex, but also these glib comments suggesting the man has absolutely no say in things whatsoever is wrong. Particularly when it seems on the surface that the girlfriend may not have been truthful about her own contraception. Whether it was a genuine miracle conception accident or he was trapped into it, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t get a say. It just means he cannot control what a woman does with her body.

If he doesn’t want the baby - it’s not mandatory to want a child from an unexpected pregnancy - he should be able to tell her. It doesn’t mean she is being controlled by him, but he has every right to voice his opinion. If he wants to have the baby, you’re all gonna have to suck it up and try and make the best of things.

So now they are keeping it as she’s made that decision and he hasn’t had a say

He doesn’t get to have a say what a woman does with her body.

If she is keeping the pregnancy, he doesn’t have to stay in a relationship with her. But the bare minimum is that he needs to financially provide towards the child.

If he didn’t want the risk of impregnating women then he needs to abstain from sex or wear a condom. Yea accidents do happen, but it’s very naive to trust a woman who apparently doesn’t like speaking to doctors about contraception.

The operative word there being he ‘thinks’ she is on the pill.

How utter idiotic to ‘think’ you’re protected from pregnancy because you’ve left the sole responsibility of contraceptives, which in this case is taking the pill daily, to another teenager.

Think that one through for a minute. This isn’t a long term relationship. This is a pair of teenagers acting like teenagers and being stupid.
Good parenting would have informed him that until he wants to be a father, he is equally responsible for contraceptives, which in his case will mean condoms. Doesn’t matter what the other person is doing to protect themselves