19 year old sons girlfriend is pregnant

[Susa1]

My 19 year old sons girlfriend is pregnant.

He called me freaking out last week soon as the test was done and said they didn’t want it then the gf goes out that day with the test and shows all her family and friends. So now they are keeping it as she’s made that decision and he hasn’t had a say. To me it’s all off she has pcos apparently and was on the pill that she ran out of and didn’t want to speak to a doctor as she doesn’t like speaking to people. Yet now she’s gong to have to with pregnancy. Her mum went out that day of finding out and bought all pink baby toys as she her words hopes for a girl and is buying a pram this week of finding out after a few days late with her period. Am I being wrong here or is the way they have handled it crazy?

Yes I wanted better for my son he has just started a pathway to a great career and almost driving his life was on the up. His gf has never worked or has any interest in doing so and this concerns me as I want my son to have a good life not struggle.

How are you feeling this morning op?
Your son can still have a good life and this doesn't need to be the end of the world ( although it will feel like it for a while).
Your ds still has choices.
He can choose to have a dna test.
He can choose to end a relationship where he has felt lied to and deceived.
He can choose to build a life with someone else when he is older, where having a child is a mutual decision and very much wanted by both parties.
He can choose to continue on his current career path/ trajectory. A baby shouldn't be a barrier to any young persons career goals, including the woman's. The support just needs to be there and you can be that for your ds ( and his gf, if she eventually wants a career).
Wishing you all the best.

His ‘say in this’ was when could have chosen to wear a condom or supported her with getting contraception.

it's the oldest trick in the book, find someone who is doing well and trap them with a baby.

Boys/Men always fall for the patter, they need to think with their head not with their dick.

Yes and I accept the consequences of my choices, the OP is blaming this girl for basically trapping her son so she doesn't have to work, has never worked etc, yet he still chose to have sex with her

Your son had sex with her and didn’t wear a condom - therefore he was accepting the fact that she could get pregnant and choose to keep it.

You need to stop putting so much blame on this girl and her family when your son is just as much to blame.

You are sounding very silly

He wasn’t trapped.

He had sex with her without using a condom.

If he’s such a ‘catch’ then perhaps he should have protected himself a bit more.

Why would she be on the pill if she can’t physically have kids - that doesn’t make sense.
The son is a grown man and knows that that doesn’t make sense.

It doesn’t actually matter if she’s on the pill or not because the pill is not 100% effective, so if he’s not ready for a child then he should have used protection himself.
This could have happened even if she took her pill religiously.

And no one is blaming him 100% they are saying they are BOTH equally to blame.
OP just seems to think the girl is to blame so posters are defending her because she’s obviously not.

She may or may not have used contraception.
He definitely didn’t use contraception.
So how can it be that 1 person is to blame more than the other when neither used contraception or used it properly.

Some people need to go back to school because it’s basic biology

Why would she be on the pill if she can’t physically have kids - that doesn’t make sense.
The son is a grown man and knows that that doesn’t make sense.

I think it's a case of trying to think with the little head, not the big head.

How long have they been together ?

I'm always 🤔at posts like these , how many people have said " he had unprotected sec multiple times"". Unless you were there , only two people know how many times. And once is enough.

The haste of buying the Baby Paraphernalia makes men wonder that she might be further along in the pregnancy than just tested.

DNA test definitely.
I would be surprised if he is invited to scans and appointments, I think her mum will have that all in hand .

Makes me wonder.....that should say

Clear as day!

He had sex without a condom because of the lies she told - she's admitted she lied...

I agree completely, that boys/men should protect themselves no matter what anyone tells them.

The thing is, she was on the pill... until she wasn't. We don't know if the OP's DS checked with her each and every time they had sex.

But regardless, if he didn't want a baby, he should have taken his own precautions.

Respectfully, son is a bit of a naive idiot and probably couldn't believe his luck when a girl entered into a sexual relationship with him so willingly. And then she's stung him. Is that not basically what has happened here? Men and boys need to use contraception and develop a bit of agency around the reproductive process. I am pro choice, but I do agree with people when they raise concerns about abortion mainly benefitting a certain type of irresponsible selfish man.

A DNA test is a good idea for peace of mind. However, all these women suggesting he has the option to walk away. I suppose he does but I would be really disappointed in the man my son had become if he didn't take responsibility for his actions and step up for a child he created. I'd feel I'd failed in his moral upbringing.

Girlfriend stopped taking the pill did not tell him continued to have sex knowing she was at risk he didn't ' that's entrapment '
If they were using durex only and one happened to split then she would of had the choice to ' the morning after pill' she knew what she was doing here,
Sons guilty of trusting his girlfriend, and why wouldn't he,

Never trust a girl who says she’s on the pill. Now he knows to wear a condom. He will have to decide whether he wants to continue the relationship with her. His relationship with the baby is something else. As a friend once put it, in a similar situation ‘she stole my baby’

I’d be devastated too. But that’s why I’ve drummed it into mine that you wear a condom, not only to prevent STD, but because you can’t rely on the pill alone or trust that the girl he’s having sex with is being honest.

Your son is just as responsible for contraception as his girlfriend was. He will have to suck it up.

I’d also advise you not to alienate yourself early on. Sometimes it’s hard to hide disapproval.

I agree with this.

What does DS want to do now? Is he continuing the relationship with his GF? Or is he dumping her now she’s pregnant?

Are you excited about becoming a grandmother?

You have no control over any of this so you need to accept it and develop a more positive frame of mind.

Who on earth would be excited to be a grandmum in these circumstances? Not me.

But the baby is coming. Let’s hope that OP can find some love in her heart for it.

Not sure why you’re getting such a hard time over this. I’d be upset and worried too! It doesn’t sound like the type of family I’d want my grandchild to be apart of, or my son to be tied to.

Your son hasn’t chosen to be a father at 19, it sounds like he was trapped, and he probably didn’t anticipate that or think to question her at 19. It’s a hard lesson to learn.

I think initially I would tell him to tell her where he stands, he doesn’t want the baby and he won’t be involved. If she decides to go ahead with the pregnancy I would encourage him to have a relationship with the child (my mum fell pregnant unexpectedly at 18 and I grew up without a father or his family and I really wish that wasn't the case). Whether he is or isn't involved I would encourage you to be involved. It sounds like your grandchild may need you!

All the love in the world won't protect it from those big dogs and ferrets. If she's so slap-happy about contraception will she be keeping all those animals healthy and disease-free?

I've not referred to the girl as low calibre in any way.
I am just very sorry for all concerned.
The baby's paternal grandmother will always be thinking and worried about the baby. That's how it works for most people

There’s a distinction because it’s the female body that gets pregnant and the female person who must then choose between termination or pregnancy/birth. I agree that lying about the pill is vile, but it isn’t helpful to suggest that the consequences of a pregnancy are equally shared. The impact on OP’s son’s life is essentially limited to the financial (and there are plenty of posters on this thread offering advice about how he might get out of even that) rather than the bodily. I don’t think you necessarily need to think she’s done nothing wrong (she bloody has) to see that that’s true.