19 year old sons girlfriend is pregnant

[Susa1]

My 19 year old sons girlfriend is pregnant.

He called me freaking out last week soon as the test was done and said they didn’t want it then the gf goes out that day with the test and shows all her family and friends. So now they are keeping it as she’s made that decision and he hasn’t had a say. To me it’s all off she has pcos apparently and was on the pill that she ran out of and didn’t want to speak to a doctor as she doesn’t like speaking to people. Yet now she’s gong to have to with pregnancy. Her mum went out that day of finding out and bought all pink baby toys as she her words hopes for a girl and is buying a pram this week of finding out after a few days late with her period. Am I being wrong here or is the way they have handled it crazy?

Yes I wanted better for my son he has just started a pathway to a great career and almost driving his life was on the up. His gf has never worked or has any interest in doing so and this concerns me as I want my son to have a good life not struggle.

Where he gets to opt out is before they have sex. Once that's done they need to be responsible for their choices.

One of my male friends was lied to in a similar way. She told him she couldn't have kids (which he believed as she was already 35yo and very career focused).

Turns out she was on the adoption list all along!

If a man doesn't want a baby he needs to abstain or wear a condom, that is taking responsibility. He chose to do neither and so now he's going to be a Father and needs to accept the consequences of his actions. He chose this, it didn't just happen to him.

You neee to grin and bear this: this pregnancy will result in a member of your family and what you say won’t be forgotten.

I completely understand your feelings. I would feel similar but you have to put your best foot forward now. Say noting negative. Accept your son with open arms.

And if mothers don't want to face discrimination in the workplace they can opt out of sex too and stay childless, right?

And did your male friend take responsibility for himself by wearing a condom? If not, he should have and now has to face the consequences of not having protected himself and taking her word for it.

I didn't lie to my husband. I told him if we got pregnant, there would be a baby as I wouldn't terminate. He was fully informed. We know birth control can fail.

Entirely different issue. But women can make their choices around pregnancy and child rearing, yes.

But that brings us full circle: his ‘agency’ is in using a condom. No baby, no ‘baby trap’, no opting out, no two decades, no poverty, no problem. I find it hard to credit any man who doesn’t use a condom then pleads lack of agency, to be honest.

Anyway, it’s past my bedtime! Thank you for the civil exchange.

I mean, can you actually imagine if all young men who weren't ready to become fathers completely abstained from sex? 🤣

I don't think it'd be good for women in general because there'd be loads of 35yo guys who'd never had a relationship and were likely to be much more emotionally immature or controlling.

It would certainly be good for STD rates. :-)

“I don’t know how to respond to that so I’m just going to take your exact sentiments and throw them back at you.” - bLuEfAhRenHeiT

Like I said, I have engaged with OPs thread, and offered my thoughts. You can either address my words or offer your own advice to OP. Nobody else needs to align with your perspective.

Not really the biggest increase in STDs is in the over 50s .

Ditto.

I just don't like the way this almost excuses the behaviour of women like the one in the OP, even if realistically it's the only surefire method.

It's interesting to compare this to the current sexual assault thread where the consensus seems to be that women shouldn't have to adapt their behaviour to avoid falling victim to the actions of bad men.

I'm just over 50 and no STDs because I'm not having sex outside a committed, safe relationship. Granted I know some people get them if a partner cheats. I think we'd be so much better off if people just had sex in committed relationships - at any age.

I don't think anyone is excusing the woman. That's a different discussion (which doesn't excuse the woman). The subject of this thread is the man, so comments are directed that way.

No, women shouldn't have to adapt their behaviour to protect themselves from men. However, I do.

I’d hate this for my son too. (And is why I bang on constantly about condoms..)

But it’s happened now.. and your attitude to this isn’t helpful.

Whether she lied or not is now irrelevant..there’s a baby on the way that is your son’s child. Your grandchild.

He needs to think long and hard about what comes next...is he prepared to walk away with no involvement? Does he intend to provide any financial support?

Me too. I'm not prepared to increase my chances of being a victim just because 'I shouldn't have to'. But many would disagree with me. I still doubt any of those that disagree would leave their front door unlocked.

He's lucky he didn't pick up an STD with that attitude to protection.

She lied (or so he says). He was a fool to believe her. She sounds like she is from a very ...full-on ... family. He needs to use more judgement picking who he has a relationship with.

Of course you'd all prefer if she had a termination - I would myself if I were you but you don't have a say

I fail to see how this will stop his career or learning to drive or anything. He isn't pregnant - he can continue his life the way it is going. He will need to pay maintenance for his baby and if he is half-way decent he will have a relationship/try to rear the child. But we all know it is the mother and the mother's family who will be doing the real work here. When you get over the shock you'll see that how this impacts his life is up to him. He should try to grow up abit and bring more judgement and maturity to his choices of his life than he did so far.

Teach your sons to wear a condom, especially as girls (sorry) can lie. Especially if the family is one that celebrates young motherhood and a girl who has never worked.

that is actually rape. So sorry your in this position but you can't have sex under false pretences

Why have you such a low bar for him?

Surely the child has a right to a father?

He needs to step up and raise his child. Not just contribute money.

OP - you must be really upset and I cannot blame you - I would be too.

A little hope for you? My male cousin had that experience at 18, girlfriend was 17. In spite of all the many hurdles that a young couple like that would face, thirty years later they have more children and a solid marriage.

My BiL got a girl pregnant at 17. The gf said she couldn't have kids, then went on and had 5 more. What a mess

This isn't rape.

My god 🙄

I'm reasonably sure that sex without condoms pre-dates porn.

You think they’re lower class chavs don’t you?

That’s why you’re horrified about the situation and so want your son to coerce this girl into an abortion.

You’re horrified at the thought of sharing a grandchild with this family.