19 year old sons girlfriend is pregnant

[Susa1]

My 19 year old sons girlfriend is pregnant.

He called me freaking out last week soon as the test was done and said they didn’t want it then the gf goes out that day with the test and shows all her family and friends. So now they are keeping it as she’s made that decision and he hasn’t had a say. To me it’s all off she has pcos apparently and was on the pill that she ran out of and didn’t want to speak to a doctor as she doesn’t like speaking to people. Yet now she’s gong to have to with pregnancy. Her mum went out that day of finding out and bought all pink baby toys as she her words hopes for a girl and is buying a pram this week of finding out after a few days late with her period. Am I being wrong here or is the way they have handled it crazy?

Yes I wanted better for my son he has just started a pathway to a great career and almost driving his life was on the up. His gf has never worked or has any interest in doing so and this concerns me as I want my son to have a good life not struggle.

Are you saying you would be thrilled at the thought of "co-grannying" with a women who bought pink toys at the sight of a 19 year olds BFP, and going pram shopping the following week?!

I wouldnt! And class has nothing to do with it, I would feel the same if anyone this fucking thick was the parent of my childs co-parent as it doesnt bode well for the baby's upbringing does it?

See all these clever educated men getting trapped by silly young girls wanting their babies. These men could use their superior intellect to invest and invent a male birth control. Or even just wear a condom.

Not putting him on the birth certificate is not the answer. He won’t have parental responsibility but he will still
have to pay child support. Much better for him to have a say in decisions about his child’s future.

It isn't a '"joint decision" anymore if she is already pregnant and wants to have the baby (or wanted to have an abortion).

It seems he chose this relationship badly based on their incompatible values and this is a symptom of it.

The pill with typical use has around 8% failure rate, a condom was always a sensible idea for him to use alongside, unless she had a more effective method like the implant.

They are young so I'm sympathetic of their poor decision making and lack of maturity, but it cuts both ways for the two of them, your post is heavily biased and rose tinted regarding your son and that's not helping the situation.

The choice for your son now is how much he wants to be involved, but he needs to take accountability for getting her pregnant and financial support as a minimum.

Do women want to get STIs
or have they decided things like HIV are just no big deal?

This thread is disturbing. What is with the anti-condom sentiment? Are people really this cavalier now?

Its her body amd her decision. Your DS can decide how much he is involved.

I dont think his GF will ever work tbh, so she may turn out to be a millstone. Babies though, should always been seen as a gift and treated accordingly with an abundance of love.

It's an old superstition not to accept gifts for an unborn baby. Parents may buy stuff however, and gifts may be bought, just not received until after baby is born.
Don't think it applies much today since the popularity of baby showers.

To add, OP your initial post about his GF feeling uncomfortable to talk to someone to get the repeat supplies is extremely common in the age group (who I've seen walk further to use a screen to place an order, rather than speak to a person at the counter).

Deciding this now means she deliberately 'trapped him" is a huge leap from the above. It's also a misogynist trope and convenient narrative, serving to absolve your son of any responsibility for his choices.

Keeping up this hostility towards the GF and her family will inevitably impact the baby. whether you intend it or not.

The dogs and ferrets are a worry in terms of the home environment.

When I was having DD1 in 1997 I bought a beautiful pram for her but it had to be picked up when I paid for it. When I told my mother she went absolutely batshit to the point where I picked it up and took it to her house until after DD was born. She genuinely believed that having the pram in the house was bad luck, and that the first time a pram went into a house was because there was a baby in it.

I didnt, and dont, believe it, but it stopped her fretting so....

ETA in my family at least....the pram is the issue. Clothes, nappies, preparations in general are fine but not the pram. And yes, dont buy the baby a gift until it is here and safe.

I wouldn't worry too much. If she is actually pregnant (big if, given her general attitude to the truth) your son has served his purpose as sperm donor and it's unlikely either of these crazy women will be seeking his input on how to raise their latest pet child. He might have to stump up some cash, but he's not going to be earning a huge wage at 20 anyway, and once she's sourced another baby daddy the pressure should be off.

You have no right to judge her or her family. Yes she lied about not taking the pill but if your son wasn’t ready to be a dad he should be using condoms Aswell. Takes two to tango. He doesn’t have to stay with her as long as he provides for his child. He can still have a decent life and career etc. having a child doesn’t mean his life is ruined

Well said

The gurl’s family sound absolutely grim /must be a filthy house with all those dogs and ferrets. No wonder the OP is upset. Some very cruel people on here.

It's her choice to have the baby, and it's his choice whether to contribute.

This is literally the situation that occurred with my now husband. Casual fling got pregnant and he was only 18 - while he has dealt with it by this point, and the child is here and is loved by parents and family, he regularly comments on how he wouldn’t wish the situation on anyone. It took him a long time to accept that he had no choice in it once the pregnancy was confirmed, the time for choice was before that.

I am also pro-choice so will always support a woman being able to make her own decision around what happens with her body. It sounds like you’d be better off engaging with it now and accepting you cannot “fix this” yourself, no matter how hard you may want to.

I'm sorry this is the card you were dealt x

19 it’s in the title and the first line 😵‍💫

It says in the title

This thread is one hell of an eye opener.

Explains the attitudes of men who create babies and then just fuck off leaving it all to the mother.... their own mother's encourage it.

This young man chose to have sex with a girl that's never worked and lives in a house full of dogs and ferrets.
I would suggest he asks for a DNA test as soon as baby's born.

He didn't consent to this sex OP - lying about contraception is coercive and removes the consent - there was a huge thing about this a few years ago.

Your poor son. Honestly I'd be speaking to the police at this stage if this is what has happened as it sounds incredibly abusive
.

Look at the SASH website for reproductive coercion.

This. All of it. You are looking in the wrong direction with your ire.

All he had to do was bag it and bin it. This is on him.

This post explains that you know there are lying and manipulative people out there but you have not passed that on to your son, as further up you commend him for seeing the good in people only. You can't have it both ways.

Educated and also in the use of contraceptives, none of this would have happened.

If either party lies about contraception then they are having sex without consent ie rape surely?

I had my first child at 16. I’m almost 50 and still went to uni, and have a good well paid career. It doesn’t have to mean a rubbish life. I don’t agree that your son should get a say in whether she keeps the child. It’s her body and ultimately it will be her making most of the sacrifices. Your son is going to have to suck it up and make the best of it, and support that child and be a loving father.