19 year old sons girlfriend is pregnant

[Susa1]

My 19 year old sons girlfriend is pregnant.

He called me freaking out last week soon as the test was done and said they didn’t want it then the gf goes out that day with the test and shows all her family and friends. So now they are keeping it as she’s made that decision and he hasn’t had a say. To me it’s all off she has pcos apparently and was on the pill that she ran out of and didn’t want to speak to a doctor as she doesn’t like speaking to people. Yet now she’s gong to have to with pregnancy. Her mum went out that day of finding out and bought all pink baby toys as she her words hopes for a girl and is buying a pram this week of finding out after a few days late with her period. Am I being wrong here or is the way they have handled it crazy?

Yes I wanted better for my son he has just started a pathway to a great career and almost driving his life was on the up. His gf has never worked or has any interest in doing so and this concerns me as I want my son to have a good life not struggle.

She is 19, not 15.
Your son must wear a condom.

I'm pretty sure you'll be back in 1 year time saying she is trying to hide baby from you and asking too much for child maintenance. As a mom of 2 sons - I'll never understand why some mothers expecting every single woman around to be responsible for their sons actions.

OP has said multiple times that she lied about being on the pill. That’s technically non consensual sex. It can’t be legally defined as rape, as the definition of rape includes penetration, but she has obtained consent by lying.

She sounds like an awful person. I find it baffling that everyone is keen to blame OP’s son in this situation, but won’t acknowledge the lying little girl.

Try and support your son to find ways to still continue pursuing his aspired career.
He doesn’t have to start playing families with the girlfriend now. He needs to share responsibility for the child but not forget about his own life goals. And he doesn’t have to continue the relationship with gf either. Also try and support him so that he can continue some form of the life of a young man. I worry about this with my DS and have always thought I would help him still achieve the life he wanted even if he was becoming a father way too early. I would help him with caring for the child so that he can still have some nights out or do some trips with friends, or whatever it was he wanted to do with his friends at that age. Because that’s what I’d want for him, not being trapped in family life he didn’t want at 19.

"Playing families " - he is a father of his child.

Unwillingly.

I don’t know why people act like this isn’t a disgusting thing for the girlfriend to do. It’s not as though they willingly tried for a baby and he’s changed his mind. He was lied to a deceived.

I'd be upset in your shoes. It's quite a thing to happen but it needn't ruin your son's life.
It's up to him whether he wants to play a role in the life of his child. He may feel that it's nothing to do with him as he didn't consent to unprotected sex. He may just walk away. In that case this will be about money and nothing else. It would be a good idea to get some legal advice in any case and to do a paternity test.
Meanwhile, if when your son is working he is self employed he will find it easier to limit what he pays in maintenance.
On the other hand he may choose to be a dad and it may enrich his life and yours.
Don't feel too down about this. Life throws stuff at us and we nearly always cope fine.
A part of you is probably annoyed with your son, which would be a pretty normal reaction but what he needs is your love and support because he's going to have to grow up quickly and it'll be a steep learning curve however he chooses to handle what's happened.
Best of luck.

That's why I suggested he get a DNA test as soon as possible. Who knows how many others she's tried to set up?

Poor kid, there should be consequences for woman who trick men into having children and if not a joint decision why should the man have to pay the price for it if the woman decides to keep the baby.

If someone can’t have a conversation on a telephone, doesn’t work how can they be a good parent.

And I bet you didn't trick the father of your children pretending to be on the pill.

Awful advice.

The police need to spend their scarce resources tackling criminals.

🙄

Sexual and reproductive coercion are criminal...

I think he needs to try and focus on the parts of his life he still has control over like his career. With his potential family life he's going to have to come to terms with that being more complicated than either of you want and that's going to take time to process.

This is why men display contempt towards women.

Mollycoddling men and removing their responsibility.

It was his responsibility to wear a condom, but I still feel sorry for him.
Baffled why so many women want to have babies they can't support or raise well.
We need abortion to be completely destigmatised in this country. Alarming pro-life nonsense on Tiktok and elsewhere.

If a man lied to a woman about wearing a condom, that effectively would remove consent. Why should it be any different the other way around ?

Like it or not it's his child. And none of this is his child's fault. He doesn't have to carry on being a boyfriend but he'll always be a dad so he should step up and do the right thing for his child

This sounds like a terrible situation for him but he can’t change it, best not to say much right now.

Her family do sound a but nuts but you could find you are tied to them for a long time now so don’t rush anything that could cause issues down the line.

Make sure your son doesn’t rush anything, this has happened but that doesn’t mean he has to abandon any plans. Once the baby is born I would subtly have a DNA test done, young people can get themselves in to messes and you want to make sure this is genuinely his.

You literally said ‘Thirdly, if the way that that family tackle purchases suggests that they are viewing his unborn baby as a doll’.

The harsh words aren’t for her son – they are for OP who believes her son gets a vote on whether a woman should get an abortion.

Both gf and son have been naive, and the OP needs to stop degrading the gf and her family and acting as though her son didn’t have any part in this. Condom use is for a teenager is blindingly obvious.

You can be worried and still not think your son has a say in someone’s abortion. You can be worried and still think your son should have taken responsibility for his own choices. Worry doesn’t eradicate those two things.

Scheduled a talk wt both DC to talk- again!- about contraception.

Every time I read these posts on MN, my heart is in my mouth.

Im on your side OP. The more you describe the girlfriend, the more I picture Vicky Pollard and the family from Shameless.
Lazy scruffs who can't be arsed to work and pop out kids one after another.

It's got nothing to do with how you raised him. He believed her and saw the best in her. He shouldn't be do trusting though.
It's up to him if he wants to be involved but I assume the girlfriend knew he has a good career and saw the pound signs.

Have you never had a bad relationship?

You should have taught your son about safe sex. Bloody hell.
Neither of you have a say from this point. Both of you will have to hurry up and get on board to do best by the blameless baby that your son created.

I'm not sure why you think your ds should have any say over his girlfriend's body?

If he didn't want to have a baby, then he should have avoided having sex or worn a condom. Did you not teach him about this?

Yes but it wasn't when I had a house full of smelly animals and no job!
And no child was produced because of it.